


One Touch

by AshKnight



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Child Abuse, Cutting, F/F, Foster Care, Self-Harm, Swan Queen - Freeform, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-04-02 16:44:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 51
Words: 66,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4067245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshKnight/pseuds/AshKnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma is in therapy, and Regina Mills is her therapist. Eventually SwanQueen. Warning: this story contains mature themes that may be triggering to some individuals.  Please read with caution.  (Also... disclaimer:  I do NOT support intimate relations between a therapists and their patients under any circumstances.  This is strictly for the purposes of delicious SwanQueen entertainment in the form of a fictional story.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This story contains themes such as self-harm and child abuse that may be triggering for some individuals. This is pretty much a crackfic. I know it would never happen, so just suspend your disbelief for me while you read this. There will eventually be some SwanQueen action.

The classroom door creaked open and the principal walked into the room wearing a look of distaste. Her eyes scanned the room for the student she was searching for, and when she found the girl, she raised her chin slightly and looked down at her.

"Miss Swan, I'll see you in my office now."

The young blonde nodded weakly and her eyes fell to her desk as she collected her notebooks and pencils.

"Yes, ma'am," she mumbled.

"What was that, Miss Swan?"

"I said, 'Yes, ma'am,'" the girl repeated, her voice ringing clear this time.

The principal stood outside the classroom, waiting for the girl to gather her things. When the girl met her in the hallway, they were both silent as they walked to the main office.

"Please don't disturb us until we are finished our meeting, Miss Murray," the principal instructed.

The secretary nodded stiffly in understanding and said, "Yes, Mrs. Kelley."

The student and the principal both entered the office and shut the door behind them. Inside, the guidance counselor waited, sitting in a chair beside the principal's enormous desk.

"Mrs. Malone," the principal greeted her, sitting down behind the desk and turning to the girl who had just sat down across from them. "Emma," she began. "We've discovered something troubling that we need to discuss with you."

The girl swallowed hard, her palms collecting sweat as she pulled her long sleeves down over her wrists, anxiously shifting in her seat. She already knew what they were going to say.

"It has been brought to our attention by a concerned, anonymous student that you have been self-mutilating - specifically, that you have been cutting yourself," Mrs. Malone, the guidance counselor, interjected. "Is this true?"

"No," Emma lied, wringing her hands and shifting her weight in the chair again.

"Then I suppose you won't mind showing us your wrists?" the principal pressed.

"You have no right," Emma protested. "I don't have to show you."

"This is a private school, Miss Swan. You do indeed have to show us."

They both stood up and took a step towards her, and Emma felt her stomach fall to the floor. She wanted to run, to escape to some alternate reality where her life was different. As she looked down at the floor, her hair fell into her eyes.

"Miss Swan."

Reluctantly, she pulled her sleeves up to reveal numerous red, swollen slices across each of her wrists and forearms.

"We're calling your parents in, and you'll be mandated to go to counseling for the remainder of the year," the principal informed her matter-of-factly.

"Please don't tell them!" Emma cried, jumping out of her seat. "Please! They'll... They'll..."

"Sit down, Miss Swan," the guidance counselor ordered her.

She obeyed and covered her face with her hands as she started to cry. 45 minutes later, her foster parents arrived at the school and entered the office, each taking a seat on either side of Emma.

"Your daughter has been cutting herself, Mr. and Mrs. Russell, and if you want her to stay in school here, she will need to to participate in weekly counseling sessions with a licensed professional."

"They're not my parents!" Emma interrupted.

"Emma," Mrs. Russell hissed quietly, shooting her a threatening look.

"Do you have names of any counselors in the area?" Mr. Russell asked calmly, but his hands were gripping the arms of the chair to tightly his knuckles had turned white, and he was very nearly gritting his teeth.

"I do, yes," Mrs. Malone told him. "There's a Doctor Mills here in town who recently began her own practice. She's very young, but already has a wonderful reputation here. She specializes in this sort of... problem..."

"I don't want to go to therapy," Emma protested, panic-stricken.

"We're leaving, Emma," her foster mother said plainly, glaring at her, grabbing her sore wrist, and dragging her out of the office and back to the car.

"You little bitch," Mr. Russell cursed, gripping the steering wheel as his wife sat down beside him. "You ungrateful little-"

"How could you possibly do such a thing?" Mrs. Russell asked coldly. "We feed you, care for you, clothe you... What more could you possibly want from us?"

"You don't fucking care for me!" Emma screamed. "You practically starve me and beat me!"

Mrs. Russell whipped around in her chair and slapped the girl hard across the face.

"Shut up, you ungrateful piece of shit."

Emma started to sob.

"Please, don't make me go to therapy," she begged, reaching up and touching the red spot on her face where she'd been hit.

"Oh, you're going," Mr. Russell informed her. "We pay good money for you to go to this school, and we intend to uphold our reputation, and you are NOT going to get in the way of that. Do you understand?"

He turned and looked toward the back seat of the car and glared at Emma.

"Y-yes, Sir."

He turned back around and started the car, and they drove back to the house in silence.

A week later, Emma found herself alone in the waiting room of a counseling office. Her foster parents had dropped her off, instructing her to take the bus home on her own. She thought about running, but she knew they would know. There was no way out. She simply had to suck it up and wait it out.

"Miss Swan?" a soft voice asked, coming from a woman who had just appeared in the doorway to the waiting room.

Emma nodded and stood up, awkwardly shifting her weight from one foot to the other until the woman spoke again. She didn't actually look all that much older than Emma, who was a junior in high school.

"Come on in, Emma."

The blonde followed her into her office and sat down in a large, comfortable chair across from the counselor's.

"Why do I have to do this?" Emma asked the woman.

"Because you hurt yourself," the therapist answered.

She looked directly into Emma's eyes, which made the girl uncomfortable. She averted her gaze and noticed the tissue box on the coffee table between them.

"Do people usually cry in your office?" she asked.

"Sometimes."

"Why do you do this?"

"Because I want to help people," Doctor Mills replied. "I want to help you, too, Emma."

The girl shook her head and wrung her hands.

"I don't need help."

"You don't think so?"

"No."

A moment of silence passed between them, until Emma looked up again.

"How old are you? You look like you just got out of college."

"I did," Doctor Mills shrugged. "Your parents told me you stayed back a grade. They said you got suspended multiple times for getting into fights - nearly expelled - and missed too much school to make it up."

"Yeah, so?"

"So it must be hard being the only one to have stayed back."

"I'm not," Emma retorted angrily. "There's other kids who've had to stay back."

"Really?"

"No," Emma mumbled.

Doctor Mills wanted to laugh, but she held it in.

"Alright. Tell me, why did you feel the need to lie, just then?"

"I don't know. Embarrassed, I guess. You're right. It sucks being the only one. It's embarrassing. Everyone looks at me funny, like I'm a total freak."

"Do you still get into fights?"

"Sometimes," Emma said, shrugging. "Kids just kind of stare and call me names, but I usually ignore it now. The last thing I want is to get suspended and have my foster parents... um..."

"Have them what, Emma?"

"Nothing," she muttered. "I just don't want them to be disappointed in me."

Doctor Mills looked skeptical, picking up on the lie. The mark on Emma's face gave her a clue as to what she might have wanted to say, but she didn't press the issue. She knew how sensitive Emma was and decided not to push any buttons.

"Okay," she said softly. She was quiet for a while, and when she realized Emma wasn't going to talk, she said, "I want you to know that this is all confidential. Nothing you say in here is going to be told to anyone else - unless I feel that you're a danger to yourself or others, or that you're... if I suspect you're being abused. I'm mandated by law to report that. Do you understand, Emma?"

Emma looked shocked, but she nodded weakly.

"Uh-huh."

"I want you to understand that you can tell me anything you want to."

The blonde said nothing.

"Why do you cut?" her therapist asked, shifting in her seat and crossing her legs, resting her clipboard on her lap and setting her pen down on top of it.

"Because I hate myself, and I deserve it."

"No one deserves that, Emma."

"I do."

"No one does," Doctor Mills repeated.

"How do you know what I deserve?" Emma asked bitterly.

"Because, like I said,  _no one_ deserves to go through what you're going through now."

"They hate me, you know."

"Who hates you?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Russell. They hate me."

"What makes you say that, Emma?"

 _They beat me,_ she was desperate to say, but she kept her mouth shut.

"Emma," Doctor Mills repeated. "What makes you say that?"

"They just do."

"Alright."

They both looked at the clock at the same time - Emma had been glancing at it every few minutes - and they realized the session was just about over.

"We can talk about whatever you want next week, okay, Emma?" Doctor Mills told her. "It doesn't have to be about cutting, or your foster parents, or school. It can be anything you want."

Emma nodded, feeling surprised and grateful.

"Thank you, Doctor Mills."

"You can call me Regina."


	2. Strength

The next week, Emma's spirits were lower than ever. She was exhausted from the beatings and constant monitoring from teachers. Each day, they checked her wrists for new marks. Luckily for her, they never checked her thighs. As she waited in the counseling office, she looked down at her phone, staring at the clock. She still had three minutes before her appointment began. What was she going to talk about? She seriously considered trying to be silent for the entire time, but she knew that would be utterly unproductive. She had to think of something, but there wasn't anything she wanted to talk about. In fact, she didn't even want to be there.

When the doctor appeared in the doorway and greeted her, she was almost surprised to be torn from her thoughts. She still hadn't come up with anything to say. As she walked down the hallway to the doctor's office, she imagined herself walking to her own death and realized just how appealing that could be.

"How are you today?" the doctor asked, smiling softly at her.

"I'm fine," Emma muttered, looking down. "I want to kill myself."

She heard the words slip from between her lips and reached up with both hands to cover her mouth. Even her therapist looked startled.

"I didn't... I didn't mean that. I just..."

"Emma, it's okay," Regina soothed. "We're just talking, alright? Just talking."

Emma took deep, heavy breaths and gripped the arms of the chair.

"Don't you have to report that?"

"Only if I feel you're a danger to yourself. How long have you been thinking about suicide?"

"A long time. I guess I'm just scared to go through with it. I've never really had a plan, though. Like I said, I'm too chickenshit to actually do it. I'm a coward."

"That doesn't make you a coward, Emma. It makes you strong."

"I'm not strong," she said, looking down. "I'm weak."

"You've gotten through a lot. You've faced a lot of pain, and it's made you stronger."

Emma sighed and looked up.

"Therapists are always so full of bullshit."

"You think that I'm full of bullshit?"

Somehow, this suddenly sounded mean, and Emma regretted saying it. She was also surprised to hear the doctor swear.

"No, I just meant..."

"It's okay," Regina said, smiling. "I understand how this must feel. I've been through therapy, too, you know."

"You have?"

Emma looked intrigued, and her therapist nodded.

"Absolutely. It was difficult at first, but it helped. It was hard for me to adjust to that kind of environment."

"What do you mean?"

"The kind of environment where I could be safe to talk about anything," Regina answered seriously.

"I don't feel like I could ever be safe to talk about the things that go on in my head."

"I know," the woman told her, "but hopefully you will, soon."

Emma shrugged, not believing her words. It didn't seem like anyone could ever really understand what she was going through. Then again, the doctor didn't seem to be judging her - at least not so far.

"Maybe," Emma mumbled.

"I hope so."

The rest of their conversation was relatively bland - mostly small talk about school. Emma avoided the topic of her parents when the doctor gently pressed her for deeper information, and she refused to discuss the self-harm. Still, Emma found the conversation relaxing. She could say what she wanted. She even cursed a few times, which didn't seem to phase Regina. Emma liked being able to express her anger, but she still held most of her emotions back, checking herself each time she was tempted to let her deeper feelings out. When the session was over, though, she found herself slightly disappointed. This made her uncomfortable, since she hadn't wanted to enjoy their meeting. In fact, she'd expected to loathe the experience completely, but she came to the conclusion that it wasn't all bad, and she even looked forward to their next appointment.

"I'll see you Friday, okay, Emma?"

The girl nodded.

Before their next visit, as Emma sat in the waiting room, the heel of her foot bounced up and down anxiously, and her palms had begun to sweat. When the doctor came to greet her, she noticed instantly.

"Come on in, Emma." When they reached the office and both sat down, Regina continued with, "Are you alright? You seem very anxious."

Emma looked as if she might burst into tears and shook her head. The mark on her left cheek was fresh and red, but Regina didn't point it out.

"What happened, Emma?" she asked.

"N-nothing," the girl lied, looking down and wringing her sweaty hands as her heart raced.

"Emma," Regina said softly. "You can tell me whatever you'd like. You don't have to, but I think it would help if we talked about it."

"I got in a fight. They're going to expel me," she blurted out, tears overflowing from her eyes and burning down her cheeks. "My foster parents will kill me."

"Who started the fight?"

"I did," Emma choked.

"Why?"

Regina's voice stayed calm, but her face expressed her worry.

"This kid called me a dyke. He said I should burn in Hell, so I punched him in the face and then... and then..."

"Then what?"

"I couldn't stop," the blonde sobbed. "I couldn't stop. I just beat on him as much as I could before he grabbed my throat and threw me against the locker and started choking me and hitting me."

Emma gasped for breath as her sobs shook her body.

"They're going to kick me out of school."

"I'll call them," Regina said quickly. "A call from your doctor and they won't be able to kick you out."

Emma, shocked, looked up at the brunette.

"Y-you can do that?" she stammered. "You would do that for me?"

"Yes, of course, Emma! You know I'd never want to see you out of school, and I know how important it is to you that you finish this year."

"I'm so close," Emma cried. "Just a few more months and this year is over. Are you sure this will work?"

"I'm sure," Regina nodded. "I've done it before."

"You have?"

"Mhmm."

Emma's sobbing slowed and the heaving of her chest began to stop as she let out a sigh of relief.

"I'll call them right now," the doctor said, grabbing the phone beside her.

She dialed the number for the school, which she had in Emma's file, and waited for the secretary to pick up the other line.

"Hi. Yes. This is Doctor Mills. I'm calling to speak to the principal, please."

"Alright," the woman on the phone said. "She's actually in her office right now. I'll transfer the call."

When the principal picked up the phone, Regina forced out the sweetest voice she had.

"Hi, Mrs. Kelley. I'm calling about Emma Swan."

"Oh, really." the principal said in monotone. "That's interesting. She got in a fight today. I'm sure you understand the consequences of those actions."

"Actually, that's what I'm calling to discuss," the doctor explained. "Emma has recently gone through a lot of trauma, which is causing her erratic behavior. I also know that this kind of behavior is often the result of school bullying. Now, I'm certainly not saying you'd ever allow that to happen in your school - I'm sure that you have a solid plan in place to prevent such occurrences - but I suspect that this may be happening to Emma, even possibly during school hours. I understand that her actions are inexcusable, but I would like Emma to be exempt from expulsion, given her current medical condition."

"I'm afraid that's not possible. We have a no-tolerance policy for violence at this school."

"I'm sure you understand that expelling Miss Swan would be considered discrimination based on mental health status, and that she would easily win a lawsuit against the school given the circumstances."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, yes," Regina began. "Emma's medical condition makes her less capable of making rational decisions, and therefore, she did not deliberately decide to engage in the violent act, but rather, she was incapable of controlling her impulses. This, in court, would certainly stand up as a reason for the incident. And of course, we have been working on this issue in therapy, but currently, she is still ill, and it does take time to conquer such a problem. I'm sure you understand. Is that correct, Mrs. Kelley?"

"Yes," the principal hissed, gritting her teeth.

"Excellent. Please contact me directly if you have any other issues with her during school hours."

"I certainly will do that."

"Great. Hopefully there will be no more incidents like this for the rest of the school year. I'm happy to report that Emma is certainly making good progress in therapy."

"Great. Thank you, Miss Mills."

"You're welcome."

Regina placed the phone back on the receiver with a smile.

"There," she said. "See? I told you it would be fine. But you have to stay out of trouble, Emma. I can only back you up so much before they're pushed to the breaking point."

Emma looked into her eyes.

"Half of that was bullshit."

"No, it wasn't. You are making progress, Emma. You made progress today."

The blonde reached for the tissues and wiped her eyes.

"I guess you're right," she said.

Regina nodded and said, "We're out of time, but I'll see you on Monday, okay?"

Emma nodded too, grabbing another tissue and dabbing away the last of her tears.

"Put some ice on your bruises. They'll feel better, I promise. I'm sure they hurt a lot."

"I'm fine," the girl muttered, standing up from her seat and making her way towards the door. "Thank you for what you just did. It means a lot. You really saved my ass."

"I would do anything in my power to help you get through this tough time in your life. I hope you know that."

Emma shrugged and left the office.


	3. A Plan

Saturday and Sunday passed by slowly. The beatings from her parents were inevitable, but less severe than normal. They were happy to know that she hadn't actually gotten expelled, and were also grateful that Miss Mills had been willing to make that phone call, which softened the blows of anger that rained down on her as punishment for getting in the fight. She had refused to tell them how the fight had started, which only infuriated them more. Emma was anxious to see her therapist again, to thank her again, and to vent some of her feelings. She didn't plan to tell her about the beatings at home; she knew she would have to report them.

When Monday finally rolled around, Emma woke up reluctantly and stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at herself and hating her reflection. She reached for the scissors in the cabinet and stared down at them. After a few minutes, she lost the staring contest with the sharp edges of metal and put them down, making the difficult decision not to engage in her habit. She looked back up and stared at herself again instead. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she sighed, dreading the day to come.  _Please let Austin call out sick today,_ she prayed, begging whatever gods existed not to make her face the senior boy who had nearly brutalized her the week before. Continuing the prayer in her head, she gathered her books and her backpack and made her way downstairs where she skipped breakfast and ran out the door to catch the bus, nearly missing it.

Once on the way to school, she sat in the very last seat and put her headphones in - her only solace. As music streamed through the tiny speakers, she shut her eyes and leaned her head back against the window behind her, feeling it vibrate as the bus bounced over each bump. Other than sitting in Miss Mills' office, it was the only moment of peace she could find. Unfortunately, the ride was only 15 minutes long, and she was stirred from her one relaxing moment as the bus screeched to a halt in front of the high school. She put her headphones away quickly - she wasn't allowed to use them in the building, even during the morning homeroom period - and felt her heart start to palpitate.  _Oh, God... Oh, God..._

Luckily, she didn't see her bully on the way to her first classroom. She kept her head down for most of the day and sat by herself at lunch, eating nothing, since she hadn't packed a meal. Just as she went to her next class, she ran into the boy in the hallway.

"Well, if it isn't the little dyke. How's your face feeling, dipshit?"

"It's fine," Emma muttered, clenching her fists and resisting the urge to lash out and strangle him.

"Just remember," he hissed, "if you ever touch me again, I'll break every bone in your homo body. Understand?"

Emma swallowed her pride and nodded, keeping her head down. Austin laughed and, to Emma's surprise, left her alone, making his way to class without another word. She was thankful she didn't have any classes with him; she couldn't bear to look at his stupid face any longer, and she didn't know how long she could resist fighting him. But something inside her longed to please her doctor, to try to make her proud. Something kept her from acting out, from giving in to her instincts. She knew if she did, her therapist would be greatly disappointed. Not to mention, like the woman had said, Regina couldn't only fight the school administration for so long.

For the rest of the day, she stayed silent and, as usual, did not participate in any class discussions. She did, however, complete all of her homework during her study period. At the end of the day, she was more than relieved to hear the bell ring. She took the bus to her doctor's office and sat anxiously in her seat, her heel tapping up and down as she waited for her therapist to call her into the office. When Regina appeared in the doorway to the waiting room, Emma breathed a sigh.

"Hi, Emma," Regina said, smiling as they walked down the hallway together. "It's good to see you."

"It's good to see you, too," Emma said earnestly.

"Is something the matter?" Regina asked sincerely, a look of concern on her face.

"No," Emma said. "Yes."

She looked confused.

"No."

Emma's head was spinning.

"I mean, I don't know. I like coming here," she confessed.

Regina smiled and said, "I'm glad. I want you to feel safe and comfortable here."

"I do. I just... It feels weird. I... I have no one else to go to, and it makes me depressed."

The doctor nodded.

"I understand that. I had  _zero_ friends when I was your age. I don't even have many now..."

The woman trailed off, and Emma looked intrigued.

"Why not?"

"I suppose people don't find me very likable."

"I do," Emma said softly.

"Thank you, Emma," she said with sincerity. "I appreciate that."

"I'm just being honest."

"And I appreciate your honesty."

A smile curled Emma's lips upwards slightly as she looked into the doctor's eyes.

"Thank you for everything you've done for me," Emma said.

Regina nodded.

"I still feel like I'm letting you down. I feel like you don't think you can trust me."

"I... I do, I guess..." Emma told her. "I just have a hard time trusting anyone. But you're the only person who hasn't let me down yet."

"Do you expect me to let you down?"

Emma nodded weakly.

"I understand that, too," Regina said. "I think that's a natural feeling to have when you've been betrayed so many times. How many foster homes have you been in?"

"Too many to count," she said, but Emma knew, and Regina could tell she was lying. "I guess I'm just not very likable. None of them wanted me."

"I don't think that had anything to do with you, Emma. I think it had to do with them and their own problems. The foster care system is greatly flawed. You know that. You're not the one messing up. It's them. I know how it is. I used to do social work for the foster care system, and I saw all too many parents who were careless, neglectful... abusive..."

Emma looked down, swallowing hard.

"Emma," Regina said softly. "Do they abuse you?"

Emma shook her head, but Regina knew this didn't mean 'no.' It meant that Emma knew she couldn't tell without having them reported.

"When you're ready, you can tell me anything."

The blonde nodded and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She stayed silent, so Regina decided to speak first.

"Do you want to talk about something else?" the doctor asked.

Emma shook her head.

"Alright," Regina said. "I have something I wanted to talk to you about, though."

"Okay," Emma mumbled.

"When I did social work, we used to take the kids out and do things, and a lot of times, that made them feel a little bit more normal. Do you think that's something you'd like to try this Friday?"

Emma looked a little surprised as she thought about this, but she nodded her head weakly.

"But I'm not a kid," she said sternly.

Regina looked into her eyes.

"I know you're not, Emma."

They stayed quiet for a moment, sitting in mutual understanding.

"What would you like to do?"

"I don't know. What kind of stuff did you normally do?"

"Well, with the younger kids, we went to the movies. With the older... individuals... we sometimes went shopping, or bowling."

"I've never been bowling," Emma told her.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'd like to try it - if you don't mind, I mean."

"Of course!" Regina said, smiling. "That sounds great. I'll pick you up here and I'll drive us over?"

"Yeah. That sounds great, actually."

"Alright. Our time's just about up, but I'll see you on Friday."

Emma left the office smiling.

She decided not to tell her foster parents what the plan was - just in case they didn't approve. The idea of doing something special with Regina somehow filled her with excitement. The woman was right. It was finally something normal she could do without being judged or stared at by her peers. Hopefully, she wouldn't see anyone she knew there, but she knew that if she did, Regina would be with her, which quieted her fear. For the rest of the week, she looked forward to their session.


	4. One Touch

Friday couldn't come soon enough. The week seemed to drag, but when the day finally came, Emma's heart raced all through the school day with excitement. She wasted no time jumping off the afternoon bus and rushing to her the therapist's office, even running up the stairs to the waiting room. She waited anxiously again, this time filled with anticipation.

"Hey!" she called, waving at the doctor when she appeared in the doorway.

"Ready?" the doctor asked, holding her car keys with a smile.

Emma nodded and eagerly followed the woman back down the stairs. They climbed into the car and Regina looked over at Emma, who was sitting in the passenger seat, grinning from ear to ear.

"I've never seen you look so happy," the therapist commented. "Did something happen? No, wait. Let me guess. Did you get a new puppy? A kitten? A car? Did you win the lottery?"

Emma shook her head and laughed.

"I'm going bowling tonight with my favorite therapist."

Regina smiled softly, appreciative of the fact that Emma was so exited to spend time with her.

"Emma," she giggled. "I'm your only therapist."

"But I'd never want any other."

"Play some music for me," Regina suggested with a smile. "Let's hear whatever you like. I always like to know what kind of music my patients are into. A person's music choice says a lot about them. It doesn't matter what it is. You can play anything."

Emma picked a few songs, and Regina was surprised to find that they were incredibly diverse, ranging from Demi Lovato to Atreyu and Disturbed. All the way there, they conversed about anything and everything - except, of course, Emma's real problem. They still hadn't breached that barrier yet. When they arrived at the bowling ally, Emma hopped out of the car and clapped her hands excitedly.

"I can't believe I'm finally going bowling!"

"It's not that big of a deal," Regina laughed. "It's just throwing balls at a bunch of bowling pins."

Emma giggled.

"You said balls."

Regina shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"C'mon. Let's go inside."

Regina paid the entrance fee for the two of them, and they quickly changed into bowling shoes.

"It's kind of gross how many other people have worn these," Regina commented.

Emma just shrugged.

"We're only going to be wearing them for a few hours."

They'd decided to do a double session - two full hours - so they'd have enough time to play more than one day.

"Alright," Regina said, walking over to the rack of bowling balls and picking one up. "I do this a lot, so don't be intimidated if I'm... you know... relatively good at this."

Emma grinned, hoping the brunette would mess up and eat her words - which she did. Gutter ball on the first try. Regina's face turned red and she covered her face with her hands.

"That was pathetic," she groaned. "It's only cause I'm pressured since you're watching me! Whatever. Your turn!"

"Aww!" Emma giggled. "I make you nervous!"

Grabbing a bowling ball of her own, she carefully swung her arm and let it go on the up swing as she watched it travel down the wooden ally. She only knocked out a few pins, but it was better than Regina's throw, and that was enough to make her smile.

"How was that?" she asked.

Regina smiled back at her and said, "Pretty good, kiddo! Nice work!"

Emma's smiled dropped instantly.

"Don't. Call. Me. That."

Regina looked a little taken back, but she nodded in understanding.

"I'm sorry."

Emma shrugged and watched as Regina threw another bowling ball down the lane. This time, each and every pin was knocked over.

"Holy shit," Emma said, gaping at her.

"I told you. I've had practice. You'll get better, too."

Emma frowned but tried again, this time knocking down a few more pins than the last time.

"See?" Regina asked, sitting in the seat and marking down Emma's score. "Better already. Just keep trying."

With a nod, Emma grabbed another ball from the rack and held it out to Regina, who smiled at her. As she took the ball out of her hands, their fingers touched, and Emma felt an involuntary shiver shoot down her spine. With just one touch, Emma completely melted. When Regina walked away, Emma blinked a few times, suddenly staring. Her eyes stopped on Regina's ass and her mouth fell slightly open as she stumbled slowly back into her seat. Again, Regina knocked over ever pin. When the woman turned around, Emma immediately shut her mouth, which she had only just noticed was hanging open. Instantly, her gaze shot back at the paper beneath her hands as she marked down Regina's score.

"You're up," Regina said, smiling.

Emma felt her insides shudder.

"What's the matter?" the doctor asked, tilting her head slightly to the side.

"N-nothing," Emma stuttered, standing up and quickly grabbing another ball, carelessly tossing it down the lane.

All the pins fell over and were pulled back by the machine. Emma's jaw dropped again.

"Whoa," she mumbled.

"Wow!" Regina said, clapping. "That was awesome!"

Emma blushed at the compliment and sat back down as soon as Regina stood up to take her turn, again staring as Regina bent over ever so slightly and tossed the ball. They played two more games - Regina only won the first two - and then it was time to go. Reluctantly, Emma unlaced the shoes and gave them back to the employee, collecting her own and putting them back on.

One they were in the car and Regina had turned the key in the ignition, Emma muttered, "I don't want to go back home."

"I know," Regina said softly, touching her shoulder.

Another shiver went down Emma's spine as she averted her eyes away.

"I'll see you Monday, though. It's not so far away."

"I know, but I hate the weekends, because I have to be with them. But I hate school too. I hate everything."

Regina sighed.

"Emma." She reached over and gently lifted the girl's chin, saying, "It's not all bad."

"Yes, it is."

Even Regina doubted the truth in her own words. For Emma, almost everything did seem to be looking down.

"I know. But you can be strong. I know you can."

"I can't," Emma said, starting to cry.

"Have you been cutting, Emma?" Regina asked quietly, putting her hand back on the girl's shoulder, making the girl's heart race.

Emma shook her head and said, "Not since I've started seeing you."

This brought a smile to her doctor's lips as she shut her eyes briefly in relief.

"I care about you, Emma. I don't want to see you hurt yourself."

"I know."

"You don't have to do it. There are other ways to handle your pain."

"Like what?"

"Like talking about it."

"I have no friends," Emma blurted out. "I have no one but you."

"You'll make friends as you get older. Once you're out of high school, everything will change. Do you want to go to college?"

"I don't know," Emma answered, sniffling. "I can't pay for it."

"There are scholarships," Regina told her. "What do you want to do for a job?"

"I... I kind of want to do what you do, Regina..."

It felt weird to Emma to be saying her first name, but Regina had asked her to, so she knew it was okay. Still, the intimacy of it was strange.

"Do you want to be a therapist, or do you want to do what I did with social work?"

"I guess I'm not sure. I want to help kids like me - kids in foster homes."

"Well, doing what I do now pays a little more - which isn't why I do it - but social work is a very fulfilling job. On the other hand, I'd say that working with children in the foster care system is very difficult, given that a lot of the situations end up being very sad and hard to deal with emotionally. That's why I stopped. It broke my heart. Granted, this job has a lot of that, too - for example, people like you who are in the foster care system and are having a hard time with it - but it's not quite as severe."

 _My case is,_ Emma was thinking.  _If only you knew what they do to me._ But she said nothing.

"I don't think I'd be good at it," Emma said. "I'd let the kids down."

"No, you wouldn't, Emma. You'd be caring and devoted to your job. I can tell. That's just part of who you are."

"I guess so."

"Trust me, Emma," Regina said, subconsciously placing her own hand on top of the girl's. "I know you can do it. You should keep going with school."

"Okay," she mumbled, looking down at their hands, her heart stopping.

When Regina noticed where she'd placed her hand - she hadn't done it on purpose - she quickly pulled it away, blushing, and put her hand back on the steering wheel.

"I'll drive you home," she said quickly, pulling out of the parking lot and heading towards Emma's house.

Emma sat in silence, feeling the phantom pressure of Regina's hand touching hers.


	5. The Breakthrough

They had a few more normal visits in Regina's office, and a month went by without any serious incidents. However, on the fifth of November, as soon as Emma sat down in the large, comfortable chair, she burst into tears.

"I fucked up," she cried. "I fucked up."

"Emma," the doctor started, genuine concern flooding her face. "What happened?"

"They beat me."

She lifted her shirt enough to show her darkly bruised rips, tears pouring down her cheeks. When she pulled the shirt back down, she tugged the sleeves of her sweater up and showed her therapist the freshly carved cuts.

"I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop myself."

"Emma... Emma..."

"You can't tell. You can't."

"You know I have to. You know that. I'll lose my job. Besides, why would you want to stay with those horrible people?"

"Because the next ones will probably be worse!"

"But what if they're not? What if they're okay and you can get through this?"

"If they move me, I'll never graduate. They'll hold me back again."

"We'll figure it out, okay? I have to tell. I promise it'll be okay. We'll find you a good home, and everything will be okay."

Emma couldn't control her sobs as she gripped the tissue box in her hands, her knuckles turning white.

"You can't tell."

"I have to."

"PLEASE don't!"

Emma was nearly screaming.

"Emma, relax. It's going to be okay. I promise. I  _promise_."

"You can't promise me that!"

Deep down, Regina knew this was true.

"Help me," Emma sobbed.

"I will," her therapist promised. "I will, but you have to stop cutting. You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"I can't stop."

"You have to, Emma."

"No, I don't. You can't make me do anything."

"I'm not trying to force you. I'm not telling you. I'm asking you. Please, Emma. Please. For your own safety."

"I don't care about my safety," Emma said quietly. "I really don't care."

"I do," Regina told her.

"I don't care," Emma repeated.

"Emma, please. Please understand that this is terrible for you."

"It's the only way I have to cope."

"It's not. You can talk to me, sweetie. You can tell me anything you want to."

 _Sweetie?_ Regina scolded herself, turning just a little bit red from embarrassment, but not commenting on or apologizing for the statement. Hearing the name, Emma blushed and felt her heart begin to pound loudly - so loudly, in fact, she wondered if Regina could hear it from where she was sitting.

"I know," Emma said. "But you're not there when all this is happening. I only see you twice a week. They beat me almost every day."

Regina felt her eyes well up with tears, but she knew she had to stay strong - for Emma.

"We're going to get you into a good home, and everything is going to be okay." Emma stayed silent, so Regina continued with, "This is a breakthrough, you know. You're finally opening up."

Before she left the office, Emma had dried her tears.

Another month later, Emma was in a new foster home, and Regina had been mostly right. There were three other foster siblings who bullied and beat on her, but the parents were decent. They had no idea that the bullying was going on, so they didn't know to stop it, but Emma refused to tell. At least it was much less severe than her previous home.

"Emma," Regina said. "I think you should tell them what's going on."

"But I'm not going to."

The therapist sighed, knowing she wouldn't win the battle.

"Why don't we go on another outing?" Regina asked. "Would you like that?"

Emma nodded slowly but blushed, thinking of their last adventure at the bowling ally and the way their hands had touched.

"I'd like that a lot," Emma muttered.

"Alright then. We'll go on Monday. What do you want to do?"

"Let's go shopping. I've got a job now, so I have a little bit of money, and I need new shoes."

She lifted her legs off the floor to show Regina her tattered Converse sneakers, which were worn through with holes.

"My feet get wet whenever it rains," Emma said nonchalantly.

Regina bit her lip, feeling pity flood her heart.

"Alright. Shopping sounds great. See you next week then?"

Emma nodded weakly and smiled.

On Monday, Emma showed up with a new bruises. Regina reached out to touch the ones on her arms, the pressure from her fingertips even lighter than the weight of a rose petal. Emma looked away as Regina's fingertips brushed her skin.

"I wish I could help you through this," Regina sighed.

"You are," Emma told her seriously.

They didn't say anything else as they got in the car and drove to the mall. When they arrived, Regina got out of the car quickly, and as Emma packed up her iPod and grabbed her purse, Regina went around to the passenger's side and opened the door for her.

"After you," she said, smiling.

Emma blushed and got out of the car. They made their way to the front entrance and as soon as they were inside, they both looked around, marveling at the size of the building.

"It's been a long time since I've gone shopping like this," Regina told Emma.

The girl nodded and said, "Me too. It's been a while since I've actually had any money."

"Let's go find those shoes, huh?" Regina said cheerfully.

Emma nodded with a smile and they walked up to the map in the middle of the food court, looking for the locations of any shoe stores.

"This one," Emma announced, pointing at the picture of one of the stores.

"Okay."

On the way to the other end of the mall, they stopped at a few stores. Regina picked a few girly ones and dragged Emma inside as the girl groaned in protest.

"Oh, come on. It's not that bad."

"Yes, it is," Emma retorted, but she followed the woman inside anyway.

"Smell this," Regina said, spraying a little perfume on a small sample card.

"Actually, that's... um..."

Emma blushed, her cheeks turning red as she imagined Regina wearing it as she leaned in and kissed her neck, smelling the floral sweetness when she moved closer. Snapping out of her fantasy, she felt her blush grow.

"That's really nice," she mumbled.

"Good!" Regina cried triumphantly, bringing a medium-sized bottle of it up to the register and paying for it as Emma waited patiently beside her.

They also went into a few stores Emma liked, stopping in front of one with a tower of body jewelry.

"I want my lip pierced," Emma told Regina, smiling thoughtfully.

"I think that would actually look really good on you," Regina said, nodding her head.

This made Emma smile as she reached out and touched the plastic case, staring longingly at the inside.

"Why don't you?" Regina asked, noticing the yearning in the girl's eyes.

"I don't know, actually. I guess it's because my foster parents wouldn't approve. All of them have been pretty strict."

"Oh," Regina said, biting her lip. "I'm sorry."

There was a pause as Emma's arm dropped back to her side.

"But hey," Regina started again, "you'll be out of there soon. You're almost 18. Less than a year and you'll be able to do whatever you want."

Emma smiled at this, for once feeling hopeful for her own future.

"Will I still be able to see you?" she asked, suddenly concerned as she looked into Regina's face.

"Of course!" Regina assured her, putting her hands on the girl's shoulders. "Of course you will."

Emma smiled again, feeling grateful for this.

"Will you go with me when I get it pierced?" she asked, to which Regina nodded.

"Sure."

Before they left the store, Emma bought a leather bracelet and some black eyeliner. When they finally reached the shoe store - after a few more stops - it took seven tries to find the right pair. The employee looked pretty pissed, but she was courteous nonetheless. When she finally found the right ones, Emma looked down into the mirror and grinned at the black skate shoes.

"They're perfect," she sighed happily, making her way up to the register to pay for them.

"I like 'em," Regina told her with a smile.

"Good. Me too."

After they were done shopping, a couple stores later, they ended up in the food court.

"Are you hungry?" Regina asked, looking at Emma.

The girl shrugged and answered, "I could eat."

When they chose one of the food shops and placed their order, Emma looked at Regina.

"Let me pay."

"No way," Regina said, shaking her head.

"Let me pay this time. You paid for bowling."

"It's not a date, Emma. I'm your therapist. I'm paying."

Suddenly, Emma felt her stomach drop.  _Right,_ she was thinking.  _She's right. It's not a date. She's your therapist. Just your therapist._ But she couldn't help the disappointment that washed across her face. Luckily for Emma, Regina didn't notice this.

"I'm still paying," Emma mumbled, shouldering her way in front of the brunette and sticking out a wad of money for the cashier, who took it quickly and gave her back her change and her receipt.

"That's not happening again," Regina scolded her, frowning.

"Says you," Emma retorted.

"Emma!"

"What?"

"It's not appropriate for you to pay."

"So what?"

"So... So, it's not okay!"

"I don't care, remember? I don't give a fuck. No fucks to be given."

Emma opened her arms to demonstrate that there were, in fact, no fucks in the area.

"Alright," Regina sighed. "Okay."

Emma smirked as they sat down to eat, pleased at her triumph. Still, painful dismay boiled over in her stomach.  _You're sick, Emma,_ she told herself.  _She's just your therapist._


	6. I Can't Tell You

"What's on your mind, Emma?" the therapist asked.

"N-nothing," the girl mumbled, staring down at her new shoes as she sat in the woman's office.

"You can tell me the truth," she said. "You should know that by now."

"Yeah," Emma said. "I know. I just... Not about this."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Will you tell me what it has to do with?"

Emma shook her head and kept staring at her feet.

"Can I guess?"

Emma thought for a moment, then nodded.

"Alright. Your foster parents?"

Emma shook her head.

"Your foster siblings?"

Regina was careful not to refer to them as parents or siblings, since she knew it upset Emma. After all, they  _weren't_ her real parents or siblings.

"No."

"Okay... School?"

Emma shook her head again.

"Have you been cutting again?"

"Yes, but that's not it."

"Emma," her doctor sighed. "You've got to stop. Please... Please stop."

Emma shook her head for the third time.

"I don't want to."

Regina rubbed her eyes and nodded her understanding.

"Is this about your real parents?"

"No," Emma answered, surprised at the guess. "Why would you think that? I never talk about them."

"That's exactly why. You never talk about them, so I figured that might be why you feel like you can't talk about them now."

"That's not it."

"I give up, Emma," Regina said softly. "I'm out of guesses. Will you please tell me?"

"No."

Emma kept her eyes down, ashamed.

"Wait..." Regina looked up at Emma, who wouldn't look at her. "Is this about me?"

Emma looked startled as she lifted her head, not having expected her therapist to guess correctly. She wasn't sure what to say, so she just nodded.

"Are you embarrassed to tell me something?" she asked.

Again, Emma nodded, too nervous to speak.

"If this is about me," Regina said, "you should tell me."

"I know," Emma told her. "I just can't."

"Why?"

"Too embarrassed."

"What if you write it down?"

Regina handed her a clipboard, a blank piece of paper, and a pen. Emma looked at the clock. Ten minutes left. With some reluctance, she began to write in red ink.

_Regina,_

_This is so fucked up. I don't know how to say this. I know you need to know, but I'm so scared to tell you. I'm incredibly embarrassed, and I don't know what to do. So here it is: I have a crush on you. No, that's not right. It's more than a crush. It's... I don't know. It's just... more. I wish I could explain, but I just can't. I've never had feelings like this before, not for anyone. You're the only one who has ever cared for me as a person, exactly as I am, even with all my flaws. This is so awkward. I don't know if I can come back this week after this. I don't feel like I can show my face here again. I'm so ashamed to be saying all this. When your hand touched mine when we went bowling, I just kind of knew I was in over my head. I didn't know what to do, and it's only gotten worse since then. At the mall the other day, when you told me it wasn't a date, I knew it wasn't, but it hurt to hear you say it. I wanted to pretend... I wanted to live in some alternate reality where you care for me that way too. I... Our time's up. I have to go. I don't think I can come back. I don't know if I can do this. This is why I've been cutting lately. I can't control my feelings. I can't control how I feel about you. I can't swallow it. I can't get past it. I'm so fucked up. I need serious help. I'm sorry. I'll call you if I decide to come in on Friday, but I don't think I will. This is just too fucked up. I can't deal. I'm sorry._

_Emma_

Silently, Emma handed her the piece of paper and stood up, gathering her things and reaching for the door's handle.

"I'll see you Friday, Emma," Regina said, looking at her with seriousness in her eyes.

Emma said nothing and left the room, fighting the urge to run down the hallway.

Once Regina had read the letter, she called Emma, but the girl did not answer the phone. Instead, Emma ignored the call and stayed in her bedroom after school, moping. Even though Emma had told her she wasn't coming that Friday, Regina left her schedule open and kept waiting for the phone call. Just when she didn't think it would come, on Thursday, her cell phone rang.

"M-Miss Mills?" Emma stuttered into the phone.

"Emma! God, I'm glad you called. I've been worried about you."

"Can I still come in tomorrow?"

"Of course you can, Emma. Of course you can."

"Alright," she said. "I'll see you at four."

"Do you want to do a double session and go to the movies? That way, you only have to talk if you want to."

"That sounds good," Emma agreed, relieved.

They both hung up, and Emma sat anxiously on the bed, thinking about the events the next day would bring. She fell asleep with her heart racing.

The next day, after school, she was even more nervous. When she finally reached her doctor's office, her hands were shaking.

"Emma," Regina said softly, this time greeting her as soon as she walked in. "Ready?"

Emma nodded and walked out to Regina's car.

"What are we going to see?" Emma asked.

"Anything you want."

"Let's see what's playing when they get there."

"Sounds good," Regina told her, flashing her a smile.

They drove the rest of the way in silence. They chose a horror movie - Emma's favorite genre. Regina paid for the tickets and Emma paid for the popcorn and drinks. They found a seat in the theatre about fifteen minutes early. Emma felt awkwardly close to her therapist, their arms nearly brushing as they sat next to each other.

"You okay?" Regina asked quietly as the ads played on the screen.

Emma nodded nervously.

"It's okay, Emma," Regina whispered. "It's a totally common thing for a patient to have feelings for their therapist. It happens to a lot of people."

Emma looked at her, her face stern and serious.

"You're discounting my feelings as some kind of lame transference."

Regina was surprised to hear her use the actual psychology term.

"That's all it is, Emma. It's just transference. The feelings will relax soon. You'll see. It's really not a big deal."

"It's a big deal to me, and it's not fucking transference."

"Alright, Emma," Regina said, sighing. "Alright."

They were quiet for a few moments before Regina spoke again.

"Then tell me what's making you feel this way."

"I don't know," Emma sighed. "You're flawless. You're funny, you're sweet, you care about me... You're... You're beautiful..."

Regina couldn't help but blush. She reached up to feel how warm her own cheeks were and was surprised to find them hot.

"These feelings will pass."

"I doubt it," Emma said, looking away.

Regina took Emma's hand in hers, giving it a little squeeze.

"It's really okay. Don't be embarrassed, alright? I understand."

Realizing what she'd just done, she pulled her hand away.

"You don't," Emma snapped. "You have no fucking idea what this is like."

Regina sighed and nodded weakly, looking back at the screen as the lights dimmed and the film started. For the first half of the movie, they didn't look at each other, even once. But as the film grew more gruesome, Emma nearly jumped out of her seat as she grabbed Regina's hand. But the woman didn't pull away. Instead, she gripped Emma's hand tightly and looked over at her.

She leaned in, whispering in Emma's ear, "It's okay. I'm right here."

"I'm not scared!" Emma hissed quietly, scowling at Regina but not letting go of her hand.

Regina couldn't help but smile, sensing the lie. As the movie's plot began to slow down a little, Emma looked over at the brunette.

"Regina."

The woman turned and looked into her eyes as she watched Emma lean in just a little bit.

"Please," Emma whispered desperately, tears filling her eyes.

When she leaned in a little more, Regina leaned in too. As their lips touched and moved together, Emma felt sparks fly.


	7. Leaving the Theatre

The kiss lasted long enough to intoxicate Emma. The rest of the film was a blur of color and light. It was towards the end of the movie when their hands clasped each other. When it was finally over and the room lit back up, neither of them moved. Instead, they watched the credits scroll across the screen until those, too, were finished. Then, at last, Regina turned to her patient.

"Emma," she said softly, waiting for the blonde to look back at her. "We can't do this."

But the doctor didn't let go of her hand. In fact, her grip had subconsciously tightened since the lights had turned back up.

"What did I do?"

"What do you mean, 'What did you do?'"

"What did I do to upset you?"

"Emma," the doctor sighed, releasing her grip on the girl's hand. "This isn't about you. We just... We can't have... We can't..."

"Why?"

"Because it's wrong."

"Why is it wrong? Because I'm younger than you? You're not even that much older than I am. Really, you've just been in school longer."

Regina put her head in her hands and sighed. It wasn't a conversation she'd ever pictured herself having.

"It's not that. It's because I'm your doctor. It's... It's like I'm taking advantage of you and the agreement of confidentiality we have with each other. Therapy is sacred, and this is wrong."

"Am I not pretty enough? Am I not your type?"

"Emma, no. It's not that."

"Is it because I cut?"

"No! God, no. Emma, please, just listen to me..."

"This is bullshit," the blonde said, standing up and gathering her purse and jacket. "I'm out."

"You're acting like a child."

"You're treating me like a child."

Regina looked up, expecting to see Emma turn to leave, but she was still standing there.

"Don't go," Regina said, reaching for Emma's hand, but the blonde pulled away.

" _Now_  you want to touch me?"

As people filed out of the room, Regina looked around. They were the last two in the theatre, so Regina stood up quietly and collected her own things.

"Let me take you to dinner, at least," Regina offered, touching Emma's shoulder as they walked out of the room and back into the theatre hallway.

They made their way to the exit, and it wasn't until they stepped outside that Emma replied.

"No way. Take me back to the house."

"You really want to go back there?"

Emma paused and bit her lip. She stopped walking.

"Come on," Regina urged her. "Let's get something to eat."

With a sigh, Emma followed Regina to the car.

"Where do you wanna go?" Regina asked, looking over at Emma as the girl leaned back in the passenger seat.

"Don't care," Emma mumbled.

With a sigh, Regina leaned over and tilted Emma's head towards her.

"It's not you. It's me. The patient-therapist relationship is sacred. I can't break your trust like that. You don't understand. It could really fuck you up."

"Are you fucking serious right now? You're really going to use that line on me?"

"Emma, you're acting like a child, and you're not helping your case at all."

"How do you want me to act? What do you want me to say? It's fine? Gee, sorry I'm falling for you? Sorry you're the only one I trust? Sorry you're beautiful and I can't swallow my feelings anymore? I'll just stuff it down and ignore it?"

"Just hush. You're being dramatic. We're going to my favorite restaurant."

Emma said nothing until they reached the establishment and were seated.

"Are you kidding me?" she hissed. "This is the most romantic place I've ever been. What are you doing?"

"I'm taking you somewhere nice, for once. You deserve to be treated like the princess you are."

The blonde's jaw dropped open, but the waiter approached before she could speak. It was a short blonde girl - beautiful - whose voice was smooth and soft - a little seductive, even. They both stared for a few seconds before snapping out of their trance.

"What'll you ladies have to drink tonight? We have a few specials tonight as well, and-"

"No, that won't be necessary," the doctor said, cutting her off. "We know what we want."

"We do?" Emma asked, a little surprised at the presumption.

"Yes."

Regina ordered for both of them - fillet mignon, the house specialty - and smiled at Emma when the waitress walked away.

"Who said I wanted steak?"

"Just trust me. You've never had anything like this before. You're going to die."

"I don't like steak."

"Seriously?"

"No," the blonde giggled. "But I gotcha, didn't I?"

"Yep. I panicked for a minute there." They both laughed, and Regina shook her head and added, "You're awful."

"You love it. You need to laugh more. It's beautiful."

When the silence suddenly grew awkward from Emma's unintentional flirtation, she decided to speak again, changing the subject.

"Speaking of beautiful, how hot was that waitress?"

"Emma! She's not a piece of meat!"

"Sure she is. Wanna bet I can get her number?"

"Yeah, right," Regina laughed. "You could, but you wouldn't."

"You're right," Emma conceded. "I'd never play anyone like that. Besides, I have eyes for someone else."

"Emma."

The girl went silent, and just then, the waitress came back with their food.

"Be careful," the 'piece of meat' warned. "It's hot."

With a quick, almost flirtatious smile, she was gone, leaving Emma grinning.

"Dare me?"

"No. It's not funny."

"It is, a little."

"Alright," Regina said with a smile. "Maybe a little. But don't. It's not nice. You know you're not going to call her."

"How the Hell do you know?"

"Because I know you. You're not confident enough to put yourself in a relationship. You'd be laying too much on the line. Besides, you feel like you have things to hide, and as long as you feel that way, you'll never open up to anyone."

"Ouch."

"Wait, don't take it that way. I just meant..."

"I opened up to you."

"I'm sorry."

Regina's eyes dropped to her plate.

"Eat," the doctor urged, nodding towards Emma's plate. "I promise you'll like it."

Emma found that the woman was right, and as soon as she'd taken the first bite, her eyes closed in ecstasy.

"Oh, my God."

"I know, right?"

Regina couldn't stop herself from grinning, and when Emma finally opened her eyes, she couldn't help but swoon.

"Thank you," she mumbled, "for taking me here."

"You deserve this. You deserve to be treated like this."

"You said I deserved to be loved, too."

"I know."

"Then why don't you?"

Emma's gaze found Regina's.

"Emma."

With a moment of hesitation, Regina reached out and took the girl's hand. When Emma pulled away, she grabbed for it again. This time, Emma just stared at their hands, as if something was about to happen to them.

"Please tell me you feel this," the blonde begged. "I feel like a fool."

"You're not a fool."

"Tell me."

"I can't do that."

As Emma dropped her head in her hands, tears formed in her eyes.

"Don't cry, sweetie," Regina whispered, leaning in and touching her shoulder.

"Don't touch me."

"Emma."

When the girl finally opened her eyes and looked at Regina, the doctor grabbed her face, pulled it closer, and kissed her lips.

"I'm sorry," she told Emma. "I just-"

"Can't do this," the blonde interjected. "I know."

"No," Regina said. "I was going to say that I just can't help myself."

She kissed the girl again, this time slipping her hand around the back of Emma's neck to hold her closer.

"I do want this, too," the doctor whispered as she pulled away.

"We should save this for later," Emma said, smiling at last. "We're in public."

"I don't care. I just want you."

"Why do you want me?"

"You bring out feelings in me I've never felt before. Things I can't explain. Things that make me drunk with... with..."

"Love?" Emma asked, desperately hopeful.

"Yes," Regina agreed. "Love."

 


	8. Snap Out of It

**WEEKS BEFORE**

"Come on, Regina," the doctor said to herself, voice cracking. "Snap out of it. She's seventeen."

She brought her hand up to slap herself, but realized the childishness of the move and decided against it, instead falling to her knees beside her bed, clenching her fists and screaming until her lungs burned. Sobs shook her chest as she grabbed a pillow and clutched it tightly.

"Please, please let this pass," she prayed through the tears. "Just let this pass."

She fell asleep crying leaning against the side of the bed, her head resting on top of the pillow she was still clinging to.

**THE NEXT THERAPY SESSION**

"Why don't you think you're worth it?"

"I'm a freak. I'm a cutter. I don't deserve someone special. Anyone worth my love doesn't deserve to have a fuck up like me as a lover."

"Don't you think everyone deserves love and someone that cares about them?"

"Not me. I don't."

Regina sighed and rubbed her temples.

"You're worth more than you know. Your cutting doesn't make you a freak."

"Why are you saying that?"

"Because it's true, Emma. Nothing you could do could make you deserve to be alone. Everyone deserves someone special. Everyone deserves to be treated right."

"What if they don't treat others right?"

"Well, they should. But that doesn't mean they deserve to be alone. Sometimes all people need is someone to truly care about them in order for them to turn their lives around."

"You think if Austin had a girlfriend he'd stop being a bully?"

"Perhaps."

Emma scoffed and shook her head.

"I hope that fucker rots in a hole forever."

"I can understand why you'd be angry at him. I'm not surprised you wish him ill will."

The girl went silent, biting her lip as she pondered this. Suddenly, she felt guilty. Deep down, she wanted to be the bigger person. She wanted to let go of everything she held inside.

"I want to stop hating him," she confessed, looking away from her therapist.

"That's good, Emma. That will take time, though. Forgiveness is a difficult path to walk down, full of discouraging obstacles. It's hard to fight the bitterness."

"Obviously, you've been through this. Who'd you have to forgive?" Emma asked boldly.

"Myself."

"I don't get it."

"I had to forgive myself for some things I've done that were very, very wrong."

Emma laughed at this, leaning her head back and resting it against the back of the chair.

"I seriously doubt you could do anything wrong, Miss Perfect."

"No one is perfect, Emma. No one."

"And I'm as far as they get."

With a sigh, her doctor replied, "You don't have to be perfect. You can just be you."

"But I hate me."

"Why?"

"I told you. Because I'm a fuck up. No one else loves me. Why should I love myself?"

"Because you deserve it. Finding the people who love you - your chosen family - is a lifelong process that takes patience. You have to encounter the people who persecute you first, and the people who will let you down. You'll find the ones who will come through for you eventually."

"How do you know?"

"Because it's how life works, and life can often be cruel. Do you feel that way?"

"Yes. And it's unfair."

Regina nodded in understanding. Having seen tragic situations like Emma's over and over again, she knew that life was far from easy. In fact, she often wondered how a god, if there was one, could be so savage.

"I know."

"I just want someone to love me," Emma said, her voice cracking as she reached for the box of tissues on the glass table between them. "I want someone to care about me, but nobody does."

As the tears began to fall, Regina felt a knot form in her own throat.

"I care about you," Regina said softly.

She wanted to reach across the table, to touch Emma's hand, to tell her everything would be okay, but she held back, respecting the boundaries between them.

_Don't,_ she scolded herself.  _Don't touch her._

But the desire burned within her, called to her, begged her to give in.  _I just want to hold her._ She wanted to scratch her own eyes out, to kill this piece inside of her that urged her to confess her love. But the flame would not die; it burned hotter each hour that passed between them, with each tear Emma shed.

"Everything is going to be okay," Regina promised. "It's all going to work out.

Emma didn't know what to say. Part of her wanted to believe her therapist, to trust her words, but the frozen part inside of her refused to give in to her longing.

"It's your job to say that," Emma sighed. "No one could ever care about a piece of shit like me."

Regina's thoughts begged to be released.  _I care so much more than you know._ When their session was over and Emma stood up to leave, she could see the pain in Regina's eyes, even though she refused to believe that that was what it was. It couldn't have been. It wasn't possible. But still, she prayed it was true, that the doctor really cared, and that she wasn't alone.

**THAT NIGHT AT EMMA'S**

Emma laid on her bed clutching her pillow to her chest, feeling grateful to finally have a room to herself. In every other foster home, she'd been forced to share a room - sometimes even with boys - boys with no boundaries or self control. Her eyes squeezed shut as the last bit of sunlight snuck in through the window, stinging her eyes as the warm tears formed beneath them.

"She doesn't care," Emma whispered to herself. "She's doing her job."

_But if that's true, she's doing it well._ She felt the choking sobs suffocate her, locking her breaths inside her lungs. The harder she forced them down, the more they burned, pressing up against her ribs, bringing waves of pain. She strangled the pillow as the stifled sobs came out as a coughing fit, releasing the flood that streamed down the side of her face. Emma rolled onto her side. Her face grew red with anger, the bitterness squeezing her heart.

"Emma!" the voice of her foster mother called up the stairs. "Time for dinner!"

Quickly throwing the pillow to the side and leaping off the bed, she rushed to the bathroom and splashed a wave of cold water over her face to cool her cheeks and wash the tears of torment from her eyes. Her shoulders were slumped as she made her way down the stairs, her hand sliding down the railing as she struggled to hold herself up under the weight of the stress and agony of disappointment.

"What's the matter with you, punk?" her foster brother sneered, sitting down in front of his place at the table.

"Long day. What do you care?"

"I don't," he laughed.

"Jason," the mother scolded. "Leave Emma alone."

The girl breathed a sigh of relief. When they were all seated, the father, sitting at the head of the table, spoke next.

"Who wants to say grace?" he asked cheerfully, looking around at the 'family.'

"Not me," one of the boys mumbled, reaching for his fork and folding his pile of green beans into his mashed potatoes.

"Put the fork down," the mother scolded. "We're saying grace."

When no one else spoke, she took the initiative to continue and reached for the hands of the girl and boy beside her as the rest of the 'family' joined hands as well.

"Lord, thank you for the blessing of this food and this family, and thank you for the rest of the blessings we each have in our lives. Please bless us all with kindness and humility and let us love each other as God would have us do." After a pause, she said, "Amen," and the family was free to eat.

Emma picked at her food, barely eating, even though it was more of a meal than she was used to having. Somehow, regardless of the fact that she hadn't eaten yet that day, her appetite was missing. As soon as she reached her bedroom after finishing the meal and being excused from the table, she let the rest of the tears fall, soaking a spot on her pillow.

**THAT NIGHT AT REGINA'S**

"I don't know what to do, mother," Regina sobbed into the phone. "I don't know how to stop this."

"It's simple!" the woman snapped into the receiver. "You terminate the relationship immediately and never speak to her again. How can you be having such a difficult time with this? What's gotten into you?"

"I think I love her."

"That's RIDICULOUS!" her mother screamed, slamming her empty coffee mug on the counter in her kitchen. "The girl is seventeen! She's a minor, for Chrissakes! Regina, what are you thinking? Do you want to lose your job?"

"I can't stop this," she cried, laying on her side on the bed as she clutched her pillow to her chest.

"Of course you can. And you will. You'll break it off the next session you have, and that's all there is to it."

"I can't. I can't let her suffer this alone!"

"So get her another therapist! She's not your problem!"

"I care about her."

"That doesn't matter. Love is weakness, Regina, but even so, what you're feeling isn't love! It's infatuation!"

"But what if it's not? What if this is real? What if she's the one?"

"The one?" Cora cackled. "You're pathetic."

"Alright," the doctor conceded. "I'll end it."

But at the next session, as soon as she saw the girl's bright eyes, the windows to her broken heart, she knew she couldn't let go.

 


	9. You

**THE PRESENT**

"Don't make me go back there," Emma whispered as they walked back to the car.

"Where am I supposed to-"

"Anywhere. I don't care. A shelter. Anywhere."

"A shelter? Emma, I would never."

"Where else do you suggest?"

"You can't run away."

"Yes, I can."

"You have to graduate," Regina said. "You're so close. You can't give up now!"

Emma sighed and looked away.

"I know," she replied. "Just don't make me go back there. At least not tonight."

The sudden realization passed through Regina's mind as she finally understood.

"I can't bring you home with me. It's completely-"

"Why are you fighting this so hard? I know it's what you want."

"You are what I want."

"Then take me home."

Regina sighed too.

"Okay. Come home with me."

As they pulled out of the parking lot, Emma hid a smile.

When they arrived at Regina's apartment - an elegant space in an elegant building - Emma followed her up the stairs, suddenly feeling nervous. Regina sat down in the living room and watched with a smile as Emma awkwardly stood in the doorway.

"Lock the door behind you, please," Regina requested, "then come sit with me."

Emma sat down, feeling nervousness she hadn't before, and looked over at her new lover.

"I'm sorry," the doctor said softly, reaching over and tucking some of Emma's hair behind her ear. As she dropped her hand, she stroked Emma's cheek. "I'm really sorry. I should have listened to you. I'm just trying to do the right thing."

"Maybe this is the right thing."

Regina nodded.

"I think it might be."

"Either way, you have to commit to something. You have to decide. Don't play with me."

"You," Regina said, this time without hesitation. "I choose you."

"What changed your mind?"

"My heart. It hurts when I think of letting you go."

Eyes softening, the blonde leaned in and kissed the woman's lips, softly and slowly. While the kiss deepened, Regina found her hands moving up and down Emma's sides.

"I can't believe you're actually here. That I can call you my sweetheart."

Emma rested her forehead against her lover's and smiled.

"Your sweetheart?" Emma giggled. "That's cute."

"I want to be with you."

"Then be with me."

They shared another passionate kiss before Emma pulled away.

"I want you to show me you love me."

Looking confused and surprised, Regina asked, "How?"

"Make love to me."

"What?" she gasped, leaning back and pulling away from her grip.

"Make love to me."

"I..."

Regina's heart raced, but she leaned back in. Thinking herself a coward, she kissed the girl's lips. Her shaking hands moved south towards the hem of Emma's shirt, and she lifted it over her head, staring at the bare skin she saw there.

"Are you scared?" Emma whispered, moving her hands up and down Regina's arms.

The brunette nodded to confirm what Emma could already see, but she didn't move away. Instead, she removed her own shirt - slowly, in an attempt to be seductive - and watched Emma's expression as she undressed. When she unhooked her bra, she had to draw a quick breath to keep her hands from shaking as she dropped the garment to the floor beside the couch. As she leaned over Emma, she could feel the palpitations making her shiver.

"I want you," Regina whispered back, reaching down to undo the button of Emma's jeans.

"Take me, then."

Feeling her panties dampen, she sped up her pace, tugging Emma's jeans and underwear down past her ankles. Emma reached up to undo Regina's jeans, too, performing the same service of removing them quickly and tossing them to the floor. As Regina's fingers slowly slipped inside, Emma moaned, and the noises grew louder with each stroke and thrust, until she came, whimpering Regina's name.

The two fell asleep on the couch, arms around each other, whispering in each other's ears.

Emma cried out in her sleep.

"Don't... No... Don't!"

Regina woke with a start, immediately pulling her lover closer.

"Emma?"

Emma's eyes shot open and her eyes filled with tears.

"What's the matter, baby girl?" Regina asked softly, stroking her hair.

"Dreams... Dreams..."

Regina looked confused, but she didn't pull away. Instead, she kissed the girl's forehead and held her close.

"I'm here, honey. I'm here. Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Emma shook her head, burying her face in the brunette's neck. As she did, it seemed as though she was burying the world, blocking out her troubles and replacing them with warm, pulsing love.

"Don't let me go, okay?"

"Of course I won't," Regina promised. "And it's okay if you ever want to talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about it. I want to cut."

"Emma, baby... Please. Just let me hold you."

The sound Emma made was somewhere between a sigh and a groan of agony.

"Just make them stop."

"What?"

Regina looked confused as she gazed into Emma's eyes, searching for the answer. What Emma searched for in return was understanding.

"The dreams. Make the dreams stop."

"How often do they happen?"

"Almost every night."

Regina nodded and started to sit up, but Emma held her close.

"Don't."

"Okay, baby. Okay." Gently, Regina touched their foreheads together and kissed her nose, saying, "I'm not going to leave you. You're not alone in this."

"I feel alone," Emma confessed sadly, looking away from her new lover.

"You don't have to feel like that anymore. I won't leave."

"Everyone leaves."

With a sigh, the brunette shook her head, causing her bangs to drop in front of her eyes.

"You will," Emma insisted.

"Emma, stop it. You can't know that. You have to trust me."

"I don't have to."

"But you do. I know you do. Keep trusting me."

With reluctance, Emma agreed and kissed Regina slowly, making the moment last.

"Let's go back to sleep," Regina whispered, kissing her lover's cheek.

"I can't."

"Shh. Emma, it's okay. I'm gonna be here if it happens again."

"It will."

"Don't be stubborn, baby," Emma's lover said softly, trying to suppress a smile. "Just relax. Take deep breaths, and think about something you love."

"I..."

Regina placed a finger over Emma's lips.

"Just think."

Reluctantly, the blonde shut her tired eyes and thought of the most important thing in her life, the only thing she seemed to be living for.

"I thought you were going to hate me when I told you," Emma said quietly, still closing her eyes and keeping her thoughts on what she loved.

"I could never hate you."

"You don't know that. Anyway, what if someone else told you the same thing?"

"Then I'd tell them exactly what I told you, at first. That it's okay to feel that way, but it's just transference. It's natural to have those feelings for your therapist."

"You wouldn't get pissed?"

"Of course not. They're just feelings. It's perfectly normal."

"But you wouldn't... I mean..."

"You're the first person I've ever felt like this for, Emma."

The darkness pulled them closer together as they both realized how cold it was in the room.

"Jesus," Regina said. "It's freezing. Why don't we get in bed where it's warm?"

"I'm fine on the couch. I'm used to it."

"Come on, kiddo."

With a grin, Regina scooped Emma into her arms and carried her into the bedroom, which was significantly warmer, and put her under the blankets.

"Holy shit," Emma breathed, looking around. "First of all, this is a beautiful room, and second of all, this is the most comfortable bed I've ever been in. I wish..."

"Not yet, Emma."

She stroked the girl's blonde locks of hair and kissed her forehead, laying down beside her, both of them still mostly undressed. Emma pouted, trying to roll over onto the side to face the wall, but Regina held her against her chest and kissed her forehead and cheeks, again and again, until the young woman was giggling and playfully trying to push her away.

"I've never been this happy. I don't want to go back."

"It's going to be okay. You're almost done with school. In a few months we'll be able to... to..."

"What?"

"To really be together."

"What if people find out?"

"The only people who would know are your foster parents, and we both know they don't care enough to keep tabs on you after you leave. Foster parents aren't all bad, but the way it usually works out, kids don't see them again once they leave. Sometimes it's different, but in this case... I think we're safe."

"What if they did find out? What if they reported you?"

"Well, at this point, I've terminated our professional relationship. So technically, you're not my patient, but because you were... I could lose my license to practice..."

As Regina trailed off and thought about this, she felt her heart grow heavy.

"I don't want that to happen to you."

"I don't either. This job means the world to me. I don't know if I could really do anything else. It's the most fulfilling thing in my life. Everything else is empty. Even being with my family leaves me feeling empty. The only thing that's ever lit up my life like that is being with you."

"Well, that's certainly a self-esteem boost," Emma laughed, trying to brush off the suddenly emotional moment.

"Emma... I don't want to lose you, either."

Emma laid back against the pillows and sighed.

"So you've got to stop cutting. If you slipped... If you cut too deep... I could lose you. Forever."

"I know. I just don't care that much."

"Please, Emma."

"I'm not making any promises."

"I'm not asking you to promise. Just try for me."

"I'll try not to, but I'm not promising."

"I wish you cared."

"Well, I don't."

"Don't you have  _anything_  you want to live for? Isn't there anything?"

"You."


	10. Back to School

The next morning, Emma woke to Regina shaking her shoulder, holding out a plate of chocolate chip pancakes, complete with a side of warm maple syrup.

"What's this?"

"Breakfast, silly girl. What else would you call it?"

"Sweet. I'd call it sweet. No one's ever made me breakfast before."

The smile that played at Regina's lips lit up Emma's eyes, making the girl's heart swell as she took the plate and slowly started to eat.

"Jesus, babe. This is amazing. You're a great cook."

"I do what I can," she giggled with a shrug, sitting down beside Emma on the couch. "I'm not sure I'd call it 'amazing,' but I appreciate the compliment.

"Why are you doing this?" Emma asked, suddenly looking concerned as she set the plate down on the coffee table.

"Because you deserve it, sweetheart. I know you don't understand that yet, but someday I hope you will."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you're worth much more than you think. I know it doesn't feel like it, because of the way you've been treated, but I promise you it's true. You're special - to me, especially."

"That's some bullshit if I've ever heard it."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I do. Psychologists are all full of shit."

"Hey!" Regina cried. "I thought you trusted me."

"I do," Emma sighed. "I'm sorry. I just... This is hard for me, especially when I feel you pulling away from me. It makes me feel... Nevermind. Just forget it."

"Talk to me."

"Fine," the blonde sighed. "It makes me feel worthless - not good enough."

"You are good enough. This just scares me too. But I'd rather lose my job than lose you."

Emma looked surprised as she straightened her back, her muscles tightening. She looked at her lover.

"You mean that?"

"Why else do you think I'd bring you here?"

"To play with me? To fuck me?"

"I didn't bring you here for that! I brought you here because I feel something with you I've never felt with anyone else. And I brought you here because I trust you. Should I not?"

"Of course you should."

"Then trust me, too."

"I do trust you."

Emma pulled the woman close and kissed her lips.

"You taste like chocolate," Regina giggled, licking her own lips.

"Sorry," Emma mumbled, a blush of embarrassment rising to her cheeks.

"No, I like it."

Regina gave Emma a gentle smile.

"Alright, sweetie. You gotta get up now. Time for school."

"Are you serious?"

"Of course I'm serious. You need to be serious, too. It's not a game, Emma. You need to graduate."

"I know," the blonde sighed, looking defeated. "Can I borrow some clothes?"

"Sure, but you're not gonna like 'em."

The two went through Regina's closet together, trying to find something Emma would tolerate.

"This stuff would only look good on you. I'd look like a clown."

"I think you'd look nice in this," Regina said, holding up a light blue buttoned shirt.

"You're kidding. It's school, not a job interview."

"It's business casual," Regina laughed, nudging the girl's shoulder. "Come on. Just try it, and if it looks stupid, I'll tell you. I promise."

Emma agreed and disappeared into the bathroom for a shower. Once out of the steaming water, she tried on the shirt and stared at herself in the mirror, unsure of what to think. It certainly wasn't her style, but she did look professional - not that that was what she was going for. Emma was hoping for casual, but everything Regina owned was way too nice for her to feel comfortable in.

"I look silly!" Emma called out from the bathroom, nervously wringing her hands as she stood in front of the door.

"Just get out here and let me see!"

With a shaky sigh, Emma reappeared. The shirt hugged each of her curves, and the first two buttons that weren't done up showed off her pale neck and cleavage. It accentuated the softness of her features in a way Regina had never seen before. Usually, it was jeans and a T-shirt, but this look... this look she liked even more.

"You look gorgeous," the brunette told her. "Stunning, really. Please don't take it off."

"Don't you have a T-shirt for Chrissakes?" Emma groaned, covering her face with her hands.

"Maybe," Regina said with a smirk, "but I'm definitely not letting you have it now. You look way too good in that for me to let you wear anything else."

"Oh, come on! Just give me the goddam T-shirt!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

The brunette was still grinning, her arms crossed over her chest as she watched Emma's anxiety rise. It wasn't that she enjoyed watching Emma squirm - okay, maybe a little - it was just that she knew she was right. The shirt did look damn good on her.

"We gotta go. You're gonna be late."

The two rushed out the door, and Regina threw the car into drive, knowing Emma would be punished with detention if she was late. On the way, she looked over at the girl several times before speaking.

"What are you going to tell them?"

"Who?"

"Your foster parents."

"Shit, man. I don't know. You think of something."

Regina thought hard but ended up in the same place as Emma: stuck.

"I don't know either."

"Yep," Emma said. "I'm fucked."

"At least they won't-"

"Don't," the girl interjected, looking sternly at Regina. "You don't know that."

"Well they haven't yet, right?"

"No, but their kids have."

"What do they care where you were last night?"

"They'll find any excuse to beat on me."

Emma rubbed her eyes as they pulled up in front of the school.

"When can I see you again?" the blonde asked.

"Wednesday. I'll pick you up here."

"Why not tomorrow?"

"Because they know you don't have an appointment with me tomorrow, and they'll wonder where you are if you leave."

"I guess you're right," Emma conceded, pushing a hand roughly through her hair. "I'll see you Wednesday."

Emma kissed her lover's cheek and exited the car looking hopeless and depressed. As Regina pulled out of the parking lot, she felt the same way.

* * *

 

"Hey, fag."

The bully's arms outstretched and shoved Emma's shoulders, sending her backwards into a locker. Her back hit the iron wall with a crash as the locker doors behind her slammed shut.

"Just leave me alone, Austin."

"Excuse me?"

"I said leave me alone."

But Emma barely looked serious. Instead, her face was weary with exhaustion from the emotional effort of getting through the day. Her thoughts were elsewhere, back in the apartment with her former therapist. She barely snapped out of her trance, even when the boy shoved her again.

"Just get it over with," she sighed, leaning her head back against the locker, holding very still.

She expected him to wind his fist back and bring it crashing into her face, but he just stared at her.

"What the Hell is wrong with you?" he asked anxiously. "Aren't you going to fight back?"

"No."

"Well, that's no fun. I guess I'll catch you later, dyke. You'd better watch yourself."

Emma said nothing. Instead, she made her way to her next class and sat quietly, barely listening to the teacher as he lectured.

"Miss Swan," the man at the front of the class called out.

She lifted her head, looking away from the page below her pencil where she had doodled a picture of a dragon setting fire to the school.

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell us the name of the benefactor of Pip in Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, the book we're currently reading in this class?"

"Not really."

With a sigh, the teacher pointed to the door.

"Get out, Emma. Go to the principal's office and report for detention after school. Next time, pay attention in my class."

She silently gathered her things and left the room, knowing there was nothing good waiting for her in the office. Surprisingly, though, they gave her very little flack. She sat quietly in the office until the bell rang, then made her way to detention. Given that she wasn't allowed to work on homework, Emma sat with her head on the desk, picturing her lover and the time they'd spent together the night before.

 


	11. Hey, Beautiful

"Hey," a girl whispered, leaning in closer to Emma. "You okay?"

The blonde's eyes shot open, startled at the sudden sound.

"What?" she stammered. "Oh, um, yeah. I'm fine."

"You look really upset."

"Well, I'm not exactly thrilled to be here."

"Girls!" the teacher snapped, slamming a ruler down on the desk. "That's enough! I want silence!"

Swallowing hard, the two nodded their heads in understanding and stayed quiet. Emma's head rested on her arm once more as she stared at the wall. When the clock finally struck three-thirty, Emma lifted her head and let out a sigh of relief. As she stood up to leave, the other girl gently grabbed her arm.

"Hey, seriously," she said softly. "Are you okay?"

"Fine. Thanks."

"What happened to your face?"

Emma reached up and touched the bruise on her cheek, thinking back to the altercation that had caused it.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"I hate to press, but it really seems like something's wrong."

Emma was thankful that the girl kept her voice quiet, avoiding the possibility of making a scene, but she certainly wasn't thankful for being put on the spot. What was she supposed to say? The truth?

"My foster brother hit me. It's nothing, though, really. I'm okay."

"You're pretty tough. I can tell."

"Nah," the blonde protested, shrugging her shoulders. "I just don't care enough to be fazed by it anymore."

"I'm Belle," the girl introduced herself. "What's your name?"

"Emma."

"You're a senior?"

"Yep."

"I'm a junior. I guess that's why I don't know you."

"Yeah."

"So why were you in detention?"

"You ask a lot of questions," Emma commented, looking the beautiful girl up and down. "I wasn't paying attention in class. My teacher called on me, and I didn't know the answer, because I didn't do the homework."

"Sorry," the girl mumbled, lowering her head. "I was just curious."

"Nah, it's okay. Really."

"So why didn't you do the homework?"

"Dickens."

Emma hated Charles Dickens and all of his writing.

"Ah, I see," Belle said with a smile. "Understandable. Do you like reading anything else?"

"I kind of like Jane Austen."

"Me too!" the brunette cried cheerfully, smiling at Emma. "She's wonderful."

"I guess I just like her spirit and sarcasm. Her characters are all really entertaining. Dickens, though... I just can't stay engaged enough to keep myself awake."

"I could help you, if you wanted."

"What?"

Emma tilted her head.

"If you want help, I can help you. I'm a pretty good student, and I've read most of his work already. What are you reading?"

"Great Expectations."

"Ugh," Belle groaned. "That's horrible."

"So why'd you read it?"

"I had to for an advanced English class. It was painful."

"Good for you for getting through it. I can't stand the damn thing."

"Well, I guess it's just discipline. I try to get into the story as much as I can. Anyway, do you want help studying?"

"Actually," Emma said, "that would be great. I have a test coming up on Tuesday that I really haven't studied or even read for."

"If you read the book, I'll help you get through it. How far are you?"

"Chapter two..."

"Oh, my. You've got quite a ways to go then. Don't worry, though. It does pick up a little as you go along."

"You sure?"

Belle nodded.

"Not that it's actually  _good_ or anything, but it's definitely better. I'm sure you'll be able to get through it, at least."

"Okay."

"So are we on?"

"Definitely."

"Meet me after school on Friday and we'll go over however far you've gotten?"

"Sure. That sounds great."

Actually smiling, Emma left the room feeling a little less alone.

* * *

The next day, Regina picked Emma up from school.

"Hey, beautiful," she greeted her with a smile. "How was school?"

"It was alright. I didn't get beaten up, so I guess that's a plus."

"Oh, honey... I wish there was something I could do. It's almost over, though. You just have to wait it out a little longer."

"I know."

They both sighed as Regina pulled out of the parking lot.

"So, where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere, as long as I'm with you."

"You're such a sap," Regina giggled. "Anyway, did anything exciting happen at school today, or did it just suck?"

"Actually, this girl I met in detention offered to help me study for my English test for next Tuesday."

"That's great, Emma! You're making friends."

"She's not my friend. She's just really nice."

"Is she a senior too?"

"No, she's a junior."

"She pretty?"

"Regina!" Emma cried, looking over at her. "What the Hell?"

"I was just asking."

"I talk to one girl and you're jealous?"

"I'm not jealous! I was just curious is all."

"It's not like she'd be interested in me anyway. No one would be."

"I am."

"Well, you're crazy," the blonde laughed, shaking her head as she leaned back against the headrest.

"Maybe so," Regina conceded, "but I'm crazy for you."

The girl couldn't help but smile at this, a slight blush rising to her cheeks.

"And you say I'm the sap?"

"Let's go back to the house. I'll make you dinner."

"Are you sure? I'm not that hungry."

"Have you eaten today?"

"What?"

"Have you eaten?"

"Well, no, but that's not the point."

"You're eating. That's all there is to it."

"Alright," Emma mumbled, crossing her arms and leaving them that way until they arrived at Regina's place.

Once sitting on the couch, Emma felt a wave of relief wash away the majority of her anxiety, allowing her to enjoy the woman's company.

"You okay?" Regina asked, sitting down beside her with a cup of hot chocolate.

"Actually, I'm good. I'm here."

With a smile, Regina leaned in and kissed the girl's lips.

"I wish you could stay," she sighed. "I don't want to take you home."

"I don't want to go home."

"We'll just have to enjoy the time we have, I guess."

Regina stood back up and made her way to the kitchen. Every few minutes, she peeked into the living room to check on Emma, momentarily watching the girl as she sat on the couch watching television. Regina savored her presence and continued to check that she was living in reality until the meal was almost finished.

"Sometimes I can't believe this is really happening," the woman said from the kitchen, continuing to prepare dinner as she waited for Emma's response.

"I know," Emma said, standing up and walking over to stand beside Regina. "Can I help at all? I don't like just sitting around."

"No, sweetie. I'm almost done."

"What are we having?"

"Roasted chicken."

"Wow. Seriously?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I'm just not used to be treated to dinner like this. You're too good to me."

"No, I'm not. You deserve it."

"I don't."

"Stop it. Just listen to me, okay? You deserve this. You're my princess."

Emma blushed and shook her head.

"You're ridiculous."

"I know," Regina said with a smile, "but you love it."

"Maybe."

Emma grinned back at her and sat down on a stool at the counter, resting her chin in her hands as she watched Regina navigate gracefully around the kitchen. Cooking seemed to be her forte, which didn't surprise Emma.

"Here, try this."

Regina popped a piece of chicken into her lover's mouth, watching her reaction. Emma was practically drooling.

"'Gina, this is amazing. You're such a good cook."

"Thank you, dear. I've been practicing a long time."

"You know what they say," Emma commented. "Practice makes perfect. Unless it's me. I can't cook for shit. I burn everything."

"I'll teach you, then. It just takes time."

"Hopefully you're right. I want to be able to make you dinner someday."

"You don't need to do that. I like cooking for you. I like knowing you're well-fed."

"You're taking such good care of me," Emma sighed.

"I want to take care of you. You deserve it."

"Thank you..." Emma trailed off.

As Emma wrapped her arms around her lover, Regina held her tightly, burying her head in the girl's neck.

"I love you, Emma," she mumbled against Emma's pale skin.

"I love you too."


	12. Dickens

"This is Belle," Emma told her foster family, who were gathered in the living room. "She's going to be helping me with English."

"That's great, Emma! We're proud of you!"

"Thanks," she mumbled, turning to Belle and gesturing towards the stairs. "Coming?"

"Mhmm," Belle answered, following Emma up the stairs to her bedroom.

"I've only got one chair, so you can sit in that at the desk. I'll sit on the floor next to you."

"No way! I'll sit with you."

Belle sat down beside Emma and leaned against the bed frame, looking over at her.

"Where do you want to start?" the brunette asked, pulling out her own copy of the novel from her backpack.

"I guess from the beginning. I got lost right away. I had trouble following."

"Did you read?"

"Actually, yeah. I did. I struggled though."

"That's okay, hun. We'll work through it."

Emma gave a weak smile, not comprehending why the girl would be so exceptionally nice. To Emma, it didn't make sense. The two worked for hours, pouring through page after page, one by one, until they reached the end of the book.

"What do you think?" Belle asked. "Do you feel better?"

"Much. It makes way more sense when you explain it. Dickens is a douchebag."

With a laugh, Belle wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Yeah, he is. But you did it! We got through it."

Emma cringed when they touched, unsure of what to make of the gesture. Fighting the impulse to pull away, she looked over at her new tutor.

"Thank you so much. I really appreciate this. I'd probably fail without you."

"You won't fail. You're going to do great."

"I hope you're right. I really need to pass this class."

With a sigh, she pushed a hand through her hair and shut her eyes, leaning her head back against the side of the bed.

"Are you having trouble in the rest of your classes, too?"

"Yes."

"Maybe I could help with those. What else are you taking?"

"Chemistry and French."

"I'm pretty decent at chem, and my family is from France, so I'm actually fluent. I'd love to help you with those, too, if you want."

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because you seem nice, and I can tell you need some help."

"Is it that obvious?" Emma sighed, rubbing her eyes.

"No! Emma, it's not like that. You just look super depressed, and I want to help."

Emma rubbed her left arm and averted her gaze, but Belle still hadn't pulled away. The girl gave Emma's shoulder a squeeze.

"Honestly, Emma. It's okay."

"Thanks. That means a lot."

But Emma doubted the girl's sincerity. What was her real motive? She wasn't sure.

"Anyway, just let me know when and where, and I'm there, okay?"

Emma nodded weakly and wrung her hands.

"What's the matter?" Belle asked, concern all over her face.

"I'm just not used to people being so nice to me."

"Maybe what you need is a friend."

Not knowing what to say, Emma refused to raise her eyes.

"I'd like to be friends," Belle said softly, slowly slipping her arm away.

"Me too."

* * *

"So how was your study date, sweetie?" Regina asked.

Emma shrugged and said, "I guess it was okay. It really helped. I think I might actually pass."

"That's good, honey! That's really good. I'm proud of you."

"For what?"

"For studying."

A smile appeared on Emma's face as she kissed her lover's lips slowly.

"Thanks," she said. "I needed that."

At Regina's apartment, the two of them sat on the couch with their feet up on the coffee table.

"So, is she pretty?" Regina asked, turning her head to face Emma.

"Regina! What the hell? You're being ridiculous."

"I'm just asking," the woman said nonchalantly.

"Yes, since you asked," Emma admitted. "She is."

Regina said nothing, gripping a couch pillow.

"Are you jealous because I'm finally getting a little attention?" the blonde asked bitterly.

"Honestly?" Regina responded. "It makes me nervous. I want to feel needed by you. That's sick, I know. It's the truth, though, and I promise to always be honest with you. Always. I'm scared that you won't need me anymore."

"You don't want me to get better, do you? You just want me to stay sick so you can keep my attention and devotion."

"No!" Regina yelled. "That's not it. I'm just scared, Emma. Please understand. Don't take it the wrong way."

"I don't know how else to take it. You say you want me to have friends, but you really don't. You want to be the only one in my life."

"I want to be your only lover."

"You are."

With a sigh, Regina said, "I guess so," and went quiet.

"Regina," Emma said softly. "I love you."

The next night, Emma found herself alone in her room.

' **I miss you,'**  she texted the doctor.  **'Call me.'**

But the call never came. Instead, to her surprise, she got a text message from her new friend.

' **Do you want to come over and study for chem?'**

It took Emma a while to respond - she wasn't sure what to say, still astounded by the idea that someone actually wanted to spend time with her - even if it was just to study.

' **I don't have a ride. Really sorry.'**

' **Thats okay. I'll come get you! See you in a few?'**

' **Sure.'**

Emma watched intently out the window for Belle's car, and when it arrived, she ran down the stairs, happy to be leaving the house of her foster family.

"Hey, Belle," the girl smiled, sliding into the car.

"You look relieved. What's up?"

"Just glad to be out of there. Not a big fan of my foster family."

"Yeah, I can tell. How's your face? It looks a little better now."

"Yeah, it feels fine. Honestly, I stopped feeling it a long time ago."

Belle bit her lip and looked over at the girl.

"I wish I could help, sweetie."

 _Sweetie?_  Emma was thinking.  _Why is she calling me sweetie?_

"You can't," the blonde responded coldly.

She immediately regretted her reaction.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I just... It's not that simple."

"I know."

The two drove in silence until they reached Belle's house, where they both got out of the car and made their way up to the girl's bedroom to put their things down beside the bed.

"Want a snack?" Belle asked. "I'm starving."

"I thought we were studying."

"Doesn't mean we can't take a break. Are you hungry?"

"Honestly, a little bit."

"Cool. Let's go get some cheese and crackers or something."

Downstairs, Emma sat at the counter while Belle prepared the snack, feeling awkward doing nothing. She looked around, taking in the beauty of the room. Elegant wood furniture adorned it, making Emma uncomfortable.

"Your place is really nice," she mumbled, lowering her eyes.

"Um, thanks."

Belle looked at her, a wrinkle forming between her eyes.

"So what's up with your foster family?" the brunette asked as she cut a few slices of cheese and put them on a plate.

"What do you mean?"

"Why do they beat on you?"

"Huh? I don't know. I guess they don't like me. I'm a loser."

"You're not a loser, Emma. You're really smart. You just don't apply yourself. You're also very sweet. There's nothing not to like."

"Thanks, Belle, but you're totally crazy."

The girl laughed and shook her head.

"Maybe, but that doesn't change the fact that you're a sweetheart."

Rolling her eyes, Emma stood up from the table. The two made their way up the stairs to Belle's room and then sat down on the bed.

"You look tired, Emma," Belle said. "Are you sure you want to study? I'll understand if you don't."

"I'm fine. I came all the way here. We should study. I really don't want to waste your time. It's not fair to you."

"Hey, listen... We're friends, okay? Have you thought about that? We could watch a movie or something. Want to?"

Not knowing exactly what to say, Emma muttered, "Actually, yeah. That would be kind of great."

"Kind of?" Belle giggled. "How can something be _kind of_  great?"

Emma laughed and said, "I dunno. You tell me."

"You're silly," the brunette said with a smile, popping a disc into the Blu-ray player.

The two sat on the bed, and Belle flopped back until she was laying down.

"Why do you think people are so cruel to people who don't deserve it?"

"What? Um... Shit... I don't know. Most people do deserve it."

"You think so?" Belle pressed, sitting up as the movie started to play in the background. "Then how do you explain rape and child abuse?"

"Don't fucking talk to me about rape," Emma snapped, turning her head away from Belle.

"Oh, Jesus... I'm sorry."

The blonde continued to look away, wringing her hands. When Belle was silent for too long, Emma looked back at the TV and pretended to watch the film. After a while, Belle noticed the girl was falling asleep, leaning back on her hands as her eyes struggled to stay open.

"You can sleep here, you know. It's really okay. I'll bring you to your house in the morning to get your clothes before school, if that's alright."

"Huh?" Emma said, her head snapping up. "No, it's fine. I should head back."

"Come on, hun. You're obviously exhausted. Just stay. I'll crash on the couch and you can take the bed."

"No way!" Emma cried. "I'll stay, I guess, but I'm taking the couch."

With a sigh, Belle nodded in agreement.

"You wanna crash now?" the brunette asked.

Emma finally looked up and her and replied, "Let's finish the movie."

Before it was over, Emma had passed out on the bed, with Belle sitting beside her.


	13. Let's Get You Home

When Belle moved to stand up, she felt something hold her still as she looked Emma up and down. A look of pity filled her eyes as she watched Emma's eyebrows furrow in her sleep. Emma's hands clenched into fists as she bit down hard on her lip. Belle wanted to wake her, but she could tell the girl needed her rest. She looked like she hadn't slept in days.

Belle watched for a while as Emma's chest rose and fell, her face still twisted in agony.  _I just want to help her,_  Belle was thinking, not knowing what to do. After some time, she laid down and rested her head on the other pillow, still watching the blonde as she slept. Before she knew it, she was fast asleep beside the blonde.

In the morning, Belle woke first, jumping up as soon as she saw the sleeping girl beside her. Emma woke next, and as soon as she saw Belle, she jumped too.

"What the fuck?" she asked, staring at the brunette with wide eyes. "What happened? I fell asleep?"

"What do you mean?"

"I fell asleep on the bed?" she repeated.

"Yeah, but it's not a big deal... I... It's really okay. I fell asleep, too. It's no big deal."

"I am  _so_ sorry. I didn't realize I was that tired. I really didn't mean to do that. I swear I meant to sleep on the couch."

Belle paused, then said, "I'm glad you didn't. It's not very comfortable."

"I would have been fine," the blonde said stubbornly.

"Stop it, Emma. Can't you just let someone care about you?"

The girl didn't know what to say.

"Belle," she whispered. "Please don't."

"Don't what? Don't care? You're being ridiculous. We're friends. Besides, I'd rather you be here getting fed than there getting beaten up."

Emma walked down the stairs with her new friend in silence and sat down at the table. Belle fixed them breakfast, and Emma ate it in quietly after humbly thanking her.

"I don't want to go to school," she sighed, leaning over and resting her head on the table in front of her plate.

"We have to, though. You've got to pass this test."

"I know."

"Don't worry, Em. It's almost over."

"Don't call me Em. It makes me sound like I'm five."

"Aww, c'mon, Em!" Belle giggled. "It's cute!"

"All right, all right! You can call me Em. But I swear to God, if you pick any other stupid nicknames, I  _will_ kill you."

But Emma was laughing through her words, so Belle kept smiling.

After school, Regina pulled up to the curb and waited for Emma to appear once the bell had rung.

"Hey, baby!" she said with a smile, getting out of the car and opening the passenger's door for the blonde.

Emma climbed into the car slowly and sat down quietly, not greeting her lover. When Regina got in, she looked at Emma with confusion.

"Is something wrong?" the doctor asked, looking at Emma before starting the car.

"Yeah," Emma mumbled. "Belle thinks we're friends."

"Aren't you?"

"No, we're not, but I don't know how to tell her that. I don't do 'friends.'"

"Emma, you don't have to shut people out like that. Obviously, she cares about you. Can't you just let her? Let me?"

"No."

"You're acting like a child."

"You say that a lot."

"Because you do it a lot!"

Crossing her arms, Emma looked out the window until they were almost at the apartment.

"Take me back to the house," Emma said suddenly. "I'm not doing this."

"What the Hell, Emma! Are you serious? What the fuck did I do to you?"

"Nothing. I just can't deal with all this 'caring' bullshit. You guys are full of it."

"We're not full of it. You're just too blind to see the truth." Regina sighed, then looked over at her and said, "I'll take you back to the house if that's what you want."

Regina drove a few more blocks, but when Emma didn't say anything, she turned the car around. At the house, Regina started to get out of the car to open Emma's door, but the girl was already walking up the driveway.

"Emma!" Regina yelled, looking over the car. "I-"

But Emma's foster mother appeared in the doorway as Emma reached the steps, glancing over and watching as the girl's former therapist got back in the car.

"Where have you been?"

"I spent the night at Belle's and then I had therapy," Emma half-lied as she walked through the door. "I'm really tired though. I think I'm just gonna go upstairs and sleep, if that's okay."

The foster mother shook her head slowly and looked Emma up and down.

"I'm worried about you, Emma. You've been acting strange lately. And what's wrong with your eye?"

The woman looked genuinely concerned, which surprised Emma.

"Nothing," she answered, staring intently at the ground.

"You can tell me, honey. What's the matter?"

"I'm fine."

No more words were exchanged before Emma ascended the stairs and entered her bedroom, locking the door behind her. When she checked her phone, there was already a text message from Regina.

' **That was bullshit.'**

Part of her wanted to say 'I'm sorry,' but the other part refused to swallow her pride. Instead of texting back, she rolled over onto her side on the bed and shut her eyes, thinking about all the people in her life who'd let her down. When she woke up screaming, tears were streaming down her cheeks. Emma grabbed her phone and dialed the first number she could think of. When the receiver clicked, she sobbed the woman's name.

"'Gina."

"Baby? What's the matter?"

"I had bad dreams. Will you come get me?"

"Of course, honey. I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Get your stuff ready."

Emma hung up, grabbed clothes for the night, and ran down the stairs, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Going out," she called to the family, rushing out the door with her bag over her shoulder.

She waited, sitting in the driveway, until Regina pulled up.

"Come on," Regina said, leaning out the car window. "Let's get you home."


	14. Not Giving Up

The knock on the door made both women jump.

"Regina, it's your mother! Open the door!"

The doctor's mouth dropped and hung open.

"Oh, shit," she cursed, looking at Emma. "It's my mother."

"So I heard. What do we do? Hide me?"

Regina thought hard about this, considering her options. Of course, she could hide her new lover, praying her mother wouldn't find her there, but that was cowardly. Better to face the condemnation than to hide her relationship with piles of lies and deceit.

"I'm coming!" Regina called from the living room, jumping up and rushing to the door. Emma followed her to the front of the apartment and stood awkwardly behind her, her palms sweating in anticipation of the explosion that was about to come.

Throwing the door open, Regina swallowed hard and prepared for the worst.

"Mother," she started, "this is Emma."

Regina nudged her lover forward. Emma, flustered, extended her hand. When the woman didn't take it, she dropped her arm to her side and bit her lip.

"I'm Regina's mother," the woman reiterated, "I know who you are, and you don't belong anywhere near my daughter."

Just as Emma opened her mouth to speak, Regina took a daring step forward.

"You're going to have to accept this. She's not leaving."

"I thought I told you to end this relationship."

"I'm an adult. I can make my own choices."

Her voice was strong, but inside, the brunette's stomach was turning like a thrill ride at a theme park.

"Obviously, you're incapable of making the right ones. You could lose your job for this."

"I terminated our professional relationship. She's no longer my patient. I'm free to pursue a romantic relationship with her under those circumstances."

Regina made sure not to mention that the girl was a minor, and Emma certainly wasn't about to bring it up.

"Oh, really?" her mother boldly challenged, taking a threatening step forward. "I think if I reported you, the board would feel quite differently."

"It's not against the ethics code."

"I'm sure that wouldn't matter."

"What do you want, mother? Why are you here?"

"I'm here to check on you," her mother mused, looking around the apartment. "You clearly can't take care of yourself."

"You need to leave if you can't accept my choices."

"You will end this relationship and all contact with this girl, or I  _will_ report you, and you'll see just how serious these accusations are. After all, who's to say I won't tell them this relationship has been going on since the beginning of your therapy sessions?"

The two women both swallowed hard, feeling the force of the threat. When neither said anything, the menacing figure of the therapist's mother turned and disappeared through the front door, slamming it behind her.

"Wow," Emma said. "Your mom sure is a piece of work."

"Don't I know it," Regina sighed in return.

"Do you really think she'll report you?"

"I don't know."

After some hesitation, Emma asked, "What if she does?"

"Well, I think she's right. I think, regardless of the official code of ethics, they will find fault in my actions, even without proof. I think they would take away my license to practice."

"Jesus," Emma breathed.

Regina sat down in a recliner and put her feet up, leaning back in the seat. She put her hand over her eyes, covering the tears that had formed and were burning her cheeks.

"Oh, honey," Emma gasped. "I'm so sorry."

Rushing to her side, Emma wrapped her arms around the woman and squeezed tightly, holding her close. The brunette removed her hand from her eyes and buried her face in her lover's shoulder, trying not to sob. When she pulled away, her face was visibly red.

"It's gonna be all right, okay?" Emma assured her. "It's all going to work out."

"How can you possibly know that?"

"Because you're a good therapist. You're good at what you do. They're not going to let you go just because of some accusation they don't even have proof of."

"My mother has a lot of power and influence. Her word against mine? She'd win."

"Maybe she won't tell," Emma tried. "You don't know yet. Have you considered keeping us a secret? Lying to her?"

"I don't lie," Regina snapped.

When she realized that she'd been too harsh, she apologized and hugged Emma again, kissing her cheek as she moved away.

"Maybe you're right," the therapist said. "Maybe it will be okay. Either way, I'm not letting you go, and I'm not keeping you a secret, either. We have to lay low for a while, until you're eighteen, but after that, I really don't care what anyone thinks. And thank God my mother doesn't know you're a minor. Though I'm sure she'll do her research and find out, somehow."

"Then we'd really be fucked."

"Well, I'd be fucked. You'd be fine. I'd be labeled a sex offender for the rest of my life, and the only job I'd ever get is at a fast-food restaurant."

The blonde bit her lip. What if Regina was right? Emma could ruin the doctor's entire life.

"I think we should take a break."

"Emma! You can't be serious! After all of this? Really?"

Hanging her head, the girl responded, "Yes, I'm serious. I think we should wait. Besides, everyone wants what's forbidden. Maybe that's why you're into me. We should give it some time. Maybe you'll change your mind in a few months."

"This is bullshit."

Regina jumped up from her seat, seriously considering flipping the coffee table and shattering its glass top. She wanted to scream, but the sound stuck in her throat.

"Fine," she finally told the girl. "If that's what you really want, I'll take you home."

After some hesitation, Emma said, "Wait. Regina. Please understand. I just want what's best for you."

"And I want what's best for us. I can't let you go, not after all of this. I just want us to be together."

"I still don't understand what changed your mind," the blonde sighed, looking dismayed.

"Don't look so sad, Emma," Regina said softly, lifting the girl's chin and finally smiling. "Just trust me, okay? I was scared. I'm still scared. But I know what I want, and I'm not letting go, but if you really want to leave, I won't force you to stay."

"Why not?"

"You want me to?"

"Maybe I'm just looking for you to show me you love me."

"Oh, sweetie..."

Regina wrapped her arms around the girl, kissing the top of her head.

"You confuse me so much," the doctor told her lover, sighing. "Just tell me what you really want from me, and I'll give it to you."

"Tell me you'll fight for me. Tell me you won't let me go."

"I'll fight for you. I won't let you go."

She squeezed Emma a little tighter, tears forming in her eyes again. Emma looked up and saw them, then wiped them away.

"Don't cry, okay? I'm right here, and I won't leave. I'm just scared, too. I don't want you to lose your job. I don't want to ruin your life."

"We'll get through this. Nothing's going to keep me from you, honey."

The kissed they shared was slow and tender. Regina took her time, but eventually deepened the kiss by sliding her tongue over Emma's bottom lip, begging for entrance. When Emma opened her mouth, their tongues moved together.


	15. Don't Patronize Me

"Hey, Emma," Belle greeted her happily, giving her shoulder a nudge. "What's up?"

"Nothing. Just dreading reading  _The Scarlet Letter."_

"That one's not so bad."

"It's boring me to tears. I can't get past the first two chapters."

"Why don't you come over and I'll help you with it?"

"Tonight?"

"Yeah, why not? You busy?"

"No, actually. Tonight I'm not. Can I catch a ride with you?"

"Unless you land yourself in detention again," Belle teased with a grin.

"Oh, shut up," Emma laughed, shoving the girl's shoulder lightly.

"Can I carry your books to your next class?"

Emma wanted to protest, to pull away, but she found herself handing the books over to her friend, who took them gratefully and walked beside Emma as they made their way to the girl's next class.

By the time the bell rang at the end of the day, Emma was exhausted. Her eyes drooped, and she was barely able to hold her head up. She nearly tripped as she climbed into Belle's car.

"You okay, Em?" Belle asked cautiously, putting her hand on the girl's arm.

"Yeah. Fine."

But Emma couldn't keep her eyes open. Though Belle's house was only a few minutes from the school, Emma was asleep before they reached their destination, only waking when Belle opened the car door for her.

"Give me your bag," she ordered, holding her hands out.

Emma was too tired to protest, and handed her backpack to the brunette.

"Come on. You need a nap."

"Nuh-uh," Emma protested, wobbling out of the car and following the girl inside.

Once they were upstairs, Emma nearly fell over as she sat down on the bed.

"What's got you so tired? Didn't you sleep last night?"

"No, not really. I was up really late and I had to get up early for school, so..."

"Oh. That sucks. I'm sorry. Seriously, though, it's okay if you want to nap before we get going. We don't even have to study if you don't feel up to it. I'm cool with just hanging out with you. I've got a little homework anyway, so if you sleep, it's fine."

Emma shook her head, but sighed and collapsed backwards until her head was on the pillow.

"Dude, just kill me," she groaned. "I'm so ready for this year to be over."

"I bet," Belle said with a smile, laying down beside the blonde without thinking, "but I'm not killing you. I enjoy your company too much."

Emma's eyes shot open.

"You do?"

"Of course I do. You're a sweetheart."

"Me? What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You're so sweet. It's unreal. I don't get how you can be so nice all the time."

"I like you, Emma," Belle said softly.

When the girl reached out to brush a bit of hair away from Emma's face, Emma flinched, not used to the gentle touch. Before she could pull away, Belle was leaning in, pressing their lips together and moving hers slowly.

"Belle, wait," Emma gasped, holding the girl at arm's length. "I... I have a girlfriend."

"What? Who?"

"She doesn't go to our school."

"Who is she?"

"Her name is Regina."

"I... I'm really sorry. I just thought... I thought you might... I don't know. I'm sorry."

The rejected girl looked away, her eyes filling with tears.

"Hey," Emma said, leaning in. "Don't cry, okay? I just... Look, if things were different... If I didn't have a girl..."

Belle groaned.

"Oh, don't. Just don't. Don't patronize me."

"I'm not patronizing you, Belle. You're a wonderful girl. I'm just... I'm taken." After a sigh, Emma continued, "I should go."

She started to gather her things quickly, sweat forming on her brow, but Belle grabbed her arm.

"Don't go, okay? I was serious about helping you. I don't want this to change things. Please don't leave."

Raising an eyebrow, Emma sat back down on the bed and looked at her friend. When Belle bit her lip, Emma wrapped her arms around her.

"I'm sorry, Belle," she whispered. "I had no idea you felt that way."

"It's fine," the girl said coldly, pulling away.

"Hey, come here. Just hug me, dammit."

Emma cracked a smile, trying to make Belle smile too. It worked, and Belle wrapped her arms around Emma in return.

"You're a good friend, Emma."

"You deserve a good friend. I just wish I could be a better one."

"You're perfect."

"No, I'm not, but thanks for saying that. It means a lot that you'd lie to make me feel better."

"Oh, shut up," Belle laughed, shoving Emma's shoulder. "Are you taking a nap, or are we studying?"

"Fuck studying," Emma finally said with a grin. "Take a nap with me."

She pulled the girl down onto the bed and shut her eyes as Belle laid down beside her. Emma fell asleep first, but after a few pained tears that Emma didn't see, Belle fell asleep too. When they woke up, around seven o'clock, their foreheads were gently pressed together.

Noticing this, Emma pulled away, trying to keep an appropriate distance between them.

"Sorry," she mumbled, blushing a little, but Belle just smiled at her and shook her head.

"It's okay." When Emma didn't sit up, Belle finally looked into her eyes and asked, "So, what's she like?"

"She has brown hair and chocolate eyes. She's smart. She's beautiful. She gets me, though. She gets what I've gone through, in a way no one else does."

This made Belle's stomach sink, but she said nothing.

"I wish I could say that I understood you that way. I'm sorry I don't."

"You just haven't been there, Belle. That's all."

"I wish you'd just explain it to me."

"I can't. I just can't. It's not something I can talk about."

"Do you talk about it with her?"

"That's different. She was my-" Emma tried to answer.

Belle tilted her head, waiting for the rest of the sentence.

"It's just different."

Belle sighed and shook her head, saying, "If you say so."

Emma kissed the girl's cheek and sighed too.

"I'm sorry. You're still a great friend."

"It means a lot that you think that," the brunette said sincerely. "Are things going to change between us now?"

The blonde shook her head.

"They don't have to."

"Good, because I'd hate to lose you."

"You won't," Emma promised.

So Belle and Emma spent the rest of the night enjoying each other's company.


	16. She Kissed Me

"She kissed me, Regina."

"She  _what?"_

"She kissed me."

"Belle?"

"Yeah."

"I'll kill her."

"Regina! It's not her fault! She didn't know."

"You didn't  _tell her?"_

Emma flinched.

"No, I... I just... I just didn't want to have to explain that you were my therapist. I didn't want to get you in trouble."

"First of all, you don't have to tell her that. You could leave that little detail out."

"She'll ask how we met," Emma protested.

"Maybe."

"And what am I supposed to say? I'm not going to lie to her."

"Tell her you can't tell. You don't have to explain why. She's never going to guess."

Emma sat down in a chair and sighed. Regina was right. It wasn't like it was obvious. They could have met at a bar, for all Belle knew. It wasn't like Emma didn't have a fake I.D. Either way, she wanted to avoid the lie as much as possible, so her strategy, she decided, would be to omit everything possible and avoid the subject all together.

"I guess you're right," Emma conceded.

"Is she the type of girl who's going to dwell on this and want to know everything about me to torture herself with self-defeating thoughts, or is she the type that's going to go into denial and pretend I don't exist?"

"You make both options sound so awful."

"It's kind of hard to handle something like this in a healthy way. It hurts too much."

"How would you know? I bet you've never been rejected in your whole life."

"Oh, you'd be surprised. That was the story of my life, Emma. Rejection. You should understand that better than anyone."

"You're just... To me, you're perfect. I just can't imagine anyone not falling for you."

"I wasn't who I am today. I was... I was a terrible person. I hurt people. I was... I was my mother."

"But you're not now," Emma said softly, taking the woman's hand and pulling her onto her lap.

She slid her arm around Regina's back to hold her there, and Regina kicked off her heels.

"Are you into her? Tell me the truth, because I'll know if you don't."

"I would never lie to you, Regina," Emma promised. "I do think she's pretty, and she is very sweet, but I honestly can't see myself with anyone but you. In my head, it just doesn't feel right. I wouldn't be happy with anyone else."

Regina smiled and wrapped her arms around Emma's neck, kissing her lips softly.

"I'm sorry, Emma," she said. "I shouldn't have snapped like that."

"You're not going to do anything, are you?" Emma asked, concern in her eyes.

"No, babe. You care about her, so I won't hurt her. Honestly, I'm glad you have a friend. It just makes me nervous. I'm jealous."

"Don't be. I only have eyes for you."

The brunette bit her lip, making Emma smirk.

"That's hot, you know."

"What is?"

"When you bite your lip. I like it."

"Oh yeah?" Regina asked playfully, grinning at her lover.

"Yeah."

Emma kissed her and slid her tongue into Regina's mouth, pulling her closer. Soon, their clothes were long forgotten, and they made good use of the recliner.

* * *

' **Emma, I need you. - Belle'**  the text read, making Emma sit up in bed.

It was 3 AM. Gently removing the covers so as not to wake her lover, she slipped into the hallway and dialed her friend's number.

"What's going on, hun?" Emma said quietly, holding the phone to her cheek.

"I got in a huge fight with my parents. They're kicking me out."

"What? Why?" Emma gasped, unconsciously gripping the phone a little tighter.

"They found out that I like girls."

"I'll call you back in five minutes. Sit tight."

Emma hung up quickly and rushed back into the bedroom, stirring her lover awake.

"'Gina, Belle needs a place to go. Can you bring me back to my place? This is really important, or I swear I wouldn't ask."

At first, Regina felt a twinge of anger, but she thought twice before speaking. She knew what it was like to have nowhere to feel safe, and she knew what it was like to be condemned for who she was. She couldn't reject someone the same way she'd been rejected in the past, so she sat up and grabbed her car keys off of the night stand.

"Let's go," she said. "Just promise me nothing's going to happen between you."

"I swear, 'Gina. I swear it."

When they got in the car, Emma dialed the number again.

"I'll meet you at my house in 15 minutes, okay?"

"Okay," Belle sniffled, wiping her eyes as her hands shook.

"Be careful driving."

"I will."

* * *

"I love you," Regina said cautiously, staring into her lover's face.

"I love you, too," Emma told her, closing her eyes and kissing the woman's lips softly. "Nothing's going to happen. I promise."

"I know," Regina said, but her confidence wavered.

With one last hug, Emma climbed out of the car and ran into the house, hurrying up to her bedroom to tidy up before her friend arrived.

' **Just come upstairs when you get here. I left the door unlocked. - Em'**

Emma had just finished cleaning when Belle made her way up to the girl's room.

"Thank you so much, Emma," Belle said, wiping her eyes. "This means the world to me. You know I'd never ask if I had any other choice. I just don't know what to do."

Emma wrapped her arms around the girl and sighed, brushing some hair out of Belle's face.

"It's gonna be okay. We'll figure it out."

"What am I going to do?"

"I don't know yet, but I promise it'll work out."

Shaking her head, Belle sat down on the bed, rubbing her eyes.

"Can I stay here tonight?"

"Of course you can."

"What about your foster parents?"

"They can suck my hairy dick. Wherever I am, you can be, and if not, we'll leave together."

"You're the best friend I could ever ask for, you know," Belle said, sniffling.

"I can say the same about you."

Belle grabbed her hand and pulled her down, hugging her tightly.

"I'm glad you have someone that you're happy with, Emma. I mean that."

With a sigh, Emma kissed the girl's forehead and shut her eyes.


	17. Dumbfounded

The conversation with her foster parents didn't go as expected. In fact, she was surprised to find that they received it well and had few objections to her proposition. Though they'd never really been that unkind to her, she still couldn't have predicted how receptive they were to the idea.

"Is this going to be okay with her parents?" her foster mother asked seriously, looking Emma over.

"Her mother doesn't give a shit about her."

"Emma!" the woman shouted. "Watch your language!"

"Sorry," she mumbled, digging her heel into the floor and twisting her foot. "So can she stay?"

"She can stay with you, yes."

"Thank you!" Emma cried, running up the stairs.

"They said yes!" she told Belle, wrapping her arms around the girl. "See? I told you it would be fine."

Belle's eyes filled happily with tears as she embraced her friend, her heart slowing from a racing speed as the adrenaline slowly left her body.

"Alright. Dinnertime. Come downstairs and we'll eat."

With a reluctant nod, Belle followed her down the stairs and sat down at the table beside her.

"Hey dyke," one of the boys said roughly, glaring at the new addition to the 'family.'

"You shut the hell up!" Emma screamed, standing up from the table and reaching out to grab his neck and throttle him until she stopped his breath.

Belle pulled her down, though, gripping her shirt tightly.

"Shh," she hissed, kicking Emma under the table. "Don't make waves, okay? I don't want to be a problem here."

So the brunette ignored the boy and stared down at her plate until the parents entered the room. They said grace - during which both girls bit their lips and stayed silent - and began to eat. When dinner was over, Belle lingered awkwardly at the table, unsure of what to do.

"Come on," Emma encouraged her, still trying not to be angry enough to kill her foster brother. "Let's rinse our plates and go upstairs and study."

But Belle continued to stare at the table.

"This feels wrong, imposing on them like this," she said quietly, clenching her hands into fists. "I don't belong here."

"You belong here more than you belong with your stupid parents. You're safer here. I know it's not ideal, but you've got to make this home for a while, just like I do. We'll get through it."

"Are the boys always that cruel?" Belle asked nervously, changing the subject.

"Worse," Emma confessed. "They're pretty violent. But I won't let them hurt you, I promise."

"I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about you being covered in bruises."

"I'm fine," Emma mumbled, standing up and grabbing Belle's plate and her own as she made her way into the kitchen to rinse them both.

She put them in the dish washer and started it before heading up the stairs, saying nothing else to Belle.

"Emma," the girl whispered once she'd shut the door to their bedroom. "What's your girlfriend going to say about this?"

"She already knows. She's fine with it," Emma told her, then hesitated before speaking again. "Well... She's nervous. I told her you were pretty and sweet, and that makes her feel... insecure."

Belle's mouth fell open.

"You think I'm pretty?"

"I think you're beautiful," Emma admitted, sitting down on the bed and looking the girl over from head to toe. "Everyone does."

"What?"

"Everyone talks about you. They all say you'd be the best lay in town."

"Well, none of them would know," Belle mumbled.

"What do you mean?"

"I've only ever been with one person, and he's dead."

"Wow... I... I'm sorry, Belle."

Emma looked away, not knowing what else she could say.

"It's okay. I'm alright now. I went through a period of time where I could barely get out of bed, but it's easier these days. Since I found you."

"Oh, come on. What could I possibly be doing to help you get over something like that?"

"You're nice to me. You don't treat me like a piece of meat. You see me for me. You appreciate me, even, and that's amazing. You're the only person that's ever made me feel smart before."

"Well, that's because you are smart, and because I'm incredibly stupid."

"You're not stupid, Emma. Stop saying that."

"Look, let's just study, okay? I don't want to fail this test."

"You want help?"

"No, I'm okay. I just need to try to focus."

"Alright. Is it okay if I sit at the desk?"

"Yeah, totally. I like laying on the bed while I'm doing my homework anyway."

So the two did schoolwork in silence, neither of them wanting to address the heavy issues that had just passed between them. The room was quiet until Emma's phone rang.

"Hey," Emma said into the microphone. "How are you?"

"I miss you," Regina told her, then waited for Emma to speak.

"I miss you too," Emma told her, looking over at Belle, who was biting her lip.

"What's the matter?"

"I'm sorry. It's just... Belle's here."

"Oh. Sorry."

"No, it's fine. I just... I don't want it to be awkward."

Belle looked over and shook her head, silently telling her that it was fine, even though she felt her heart crumbling inside.

"Can I call you later?"

"Um... Yeah. I guess so."

"I'm really sorry. I'll call you soon, I promise. I just need a few minutes, okay?"

"Em..."

There was a pause while Emma waited for Regina to talk again, but when she didn't, Emma said, "Yeah?"

"I love you."

Saying simply, "You too," Emma hung up the phone.

"Belle," Emma said softly, climbing out of the bed and putting her hand on Belle's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"No, don't. I know this must be hard for you. I just don't know how else to handle the situation, you know? I'm not trying to make this worse."

"You're not. I just lo-"

Belle stopped mid-sentence, covering her mouth.

Emma caught on quickly and asked, "What?"

"Nothing," Belle snapped, not moving her hands.

"Tell me what you were going to say," Emma demanded, but Belle's lips were sealed.

"I'm gonna go for a walk. I'll be back in a few minutes."

And with that, Belle nearly ran down the stairs and out the front door, leaving Emma dumbfounded.


	18. Truth or Dare

When Belle came back up to the room, it was a few hours later. Emma had tried texting her phone, but found that the girl had left it sitting on the desk under a pile of paperwork. When Emma heard it vibrate, she sighed and held her head in her hands after throwing her phone to the other side of the bed, letting it land in the pile of pillows. As soon as the girl walked into the room, Emma stood up.

"Dude, what the Hell? I thought you were dead."

"Well, I'm not."

"Belle."

"What?"

Emma sighed, then said, "Do you want to meet her?"

"What?"

"Do you want to meet her?"

"I... I don't know. I guess it would give me some closure. These boundaries are hard, you know? I just want to... to..."

With a sigh, Emma pulled the girl into a tight hug and said, "I'm so sorry."

"I think I need to meet her, Emma. I think I need to see what makes you so happy."

"She does make me happy, Belle. She really does."

Emma looked sad, but serious. Sympathetic, really. She understood. Another sigh was followed by a phone call to her lover.

"Regina? Hey. Listen, can you come over? Belle wants to meet you, and..."

"And?" the woman pressed, not letting Emma off the hook.

"And I miss you."

Emma blushed and looked away from Belle, squeezing the phone tightly in her hand.

"I'll be there in 15 minutes."

Regina abruptly hung up the phone, leaving Emma a little surprised. Belle sat on the bed nervously while they waited, and Emma put her arm around her.

"She'll like you. Don't worry. This doesn't have to be weird."

"She knows I like you?" Belle asked shyly, biting her lip.

With a nod, Emma looked sternly into the girl's eyes.

"Regina is a good person. She's not going to judge you or hurt you. She understands."

"She does?"

"Yeah. She-"

The faint sound of a knock at the front door interrupted her. Belle followed her downstairs, her hands starting to shake as the door was pulled open.

"Come on in," Emma invited the doctor. "They're all asleep."

The three of them went up the stairs to Emma's room, Regina sitting in the chair by the desk, with Emma and Belle sitting beside each other on the bed.

"Belle, this is Regina. Regina, this is my friend Belle."

 _Friend_ , Belle was thinking. The word stung.

Regina held out her hand and waited for Belle to shake it. When she did, the therapist could feel the thin layer of sweat that had built up on the girl's palm.

"Don't be nervous," Regina told her. "I don't bite hard."

Emma did look nervous, not sure how the girl would take the flirtatious comment from her lover, but she was surprised to find that, without wanting to, Belle smiled.

"She's pretty, Emma," Belle said bravely. "You've done well."

Blushing, Emma nodded her head in agreement and said, "I know."

Regina shook her head and laughed, then stood up, turned the chair around, and faced them with the back of the chair now in front of her.

"So what do you ladies want to do tonight?"

"Huh?" Emma asked, tilting her head.

"Don't tell me we're just going to sit here. Let's play a game or something."

"Like what?" Emma asked, looking around the room.

"Truth or dare," Regina suggested with a mischievous grin.

When Emma saw a flash of wickedness in Regina's eyes, something she'd never encountered, she felt her heart begin to race.

"Isn't that kind of juvenile?" Emma protested.

Belle shook her head and smiled.

"I think it's a great idea."

"Who goes first?" Regina asked, still grinning as she leaned in against the back of the chair.

Emma looked back and forth between them, dreading the potential mess that was about to be made.

"I'll go!" Belle said, finally relaxing.

"Alright, dear," Regina said softly. "You're up."

"Truth or dare, Regina?"

"Truth."

"What's the best thing that's ever happened to you?"

Regina smiled and shook her head.

"This girl," the woman answered, reaching out and giving Emma's shoulder a gentle push. "I was in a pretty bad place before I met her. Anyway, Emma, you go."

"Belle, truth or dare?"

"Truth.

"What's your best childhood memory?"

"You guys are asking lame questions," Regina whined. "When do we get into the good stuff?"

"Regina, hush," Emma snapped. "My turn."

"Fine," the woman pouted, crossing her arms.

"Anyway," Belle interrupted, then laughed, thinking of her answer. "Easter egg hunting with my dad when I was little. I guess that's more than one memory, but whatever. We used to do it every year. He'd put quarters in some of the eggs and I'd always go out and buy more candy with them. I'd eat chocolate until I almost puked. Mom used to get mad that he let me, but I loved it. I think secretly he liked when I got sugar high. I was like a wind-up toy when I was little."

"That's cute!" Emma said, smiling at Belle. "Regina. You go."

"Emma," Regina said, grinning wickedly, "truth or dare?"

"Oh, shit. How can I tell this is gonna be awful?"

"Just answer."

"Fine! Dare."

"Oooh, goodie! I dare you to go downstairs and take two shots from the first liquor bottle you find."

"Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? They'll shoot me dead."

"As opposed to shooting you alive?" Belle laughed, shoving the blonde until she had to catch herself before slipping off the bed.

"Don't be a wimp. You're a big kid now. Or are you too scared?"

"You want me to get in trouble?"

"Cut it with water. They won't know. Two shots is nothing."

Hesitantly, Emma stood up and walked over to the doorway, looking back at the girls.

"I'll be right back."

She came back upstairs with the bottle and a shot glass, her hands slightly shaking.

"I'm in so much shit," Emma mumbled, pouring herself the first shot.

When she knocked it back, she gagged as it went down, nearly spitting up the liquid. But she kept it down. The whiskey burned her throat, but she braved another shot anyway.

"Have you never had alcohol before?" Regina laughed, grabbing the bottle from her hands.

"Of course I have!" Emma yelled, then quieted herself when she realized that she might wake the rest of the people in the house. "I just hate whiskey, okay? I'm more of a vodka girl."

"Oh, I'm sure."

"How about you, Belle?" Emma asked, looking at the girl. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

But Belle didn't look sure. She was trying to be brave.

"Three shots."

With some hesitation, Belle took the bottle and the shot glass, facing the challenge boldly as she poured the glass' contents between her lips.


	19. Yes, I Do

"Alright," Regina started, looking at Emma after the girl had asked for 'truth.' "Kinkiest thing you've ever done?"

"I haven't," Emma said with a shrug, just barely feeling the slow buzz of the alcohol. "I've never had consensual sex before you."

Belle, relatively tipsy, felt her stomach drop as she thought about Emma having sex with someone else, but she said nothing and waited for Regina's response. Neither of them dared to comment on the implications of what Emma had said. So the woman said nothing and looked at Belle, nodding for her to go next.

"Okay, Regina. Truth or dare."

"Dare."

"Five shots, and don't throw it up."

Regina laughed and shook her head.

"Oh, honey. I can hold my liquor."

She downed them like a pro, not missing a beat as each one slipped smoothly down into her stomach.

"Wow," Emma gawked.

"I spent a lot of my time drinking," Regina confessed. "Bet you didn't know that about me."

"No. I... I never would have guessed."

"I have plenty of secrets, Emma. It's your job to find them."

"Not if I find them first!" Belle laughed, leaning back and supporting herself with her hands.

Drunk after a few more dares and shots, Regina sat down on the bed between the two girls and wrapped an arm around each of them.

"Truth or dare, Regina," Emma asked, looking at her with a tipsy grin.

"Truth."

"Why did you start drinking?"

Without being prompted, Regina took a swig straight from the bottle.

"I was raped," the doctor said. Emma opened her mouth to speak, but Regina warned, "Don't," so she turned to Belle and waited.

"Emma," Belle started cautiously, "truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Have you ever had a sex daydream in class?"

"Absolutely! Who hasn't?"

Belle laughed and nodded her head, saying, "I guess you're right."

"Who did you think about?" Emma asked curiously.

"Not your turn, Emma," Belle laughed. "It's Regina's."

"Belle," Regina said with a smile, "truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Have you ever been drunk before?"

Belle shook her head and looked away, embarrassed. Until then, she'd been completely straight-laced, never getting into trouble or causing problems for her parents. Suddenly, with Emma, her inhibitions seemed to melt away. Of course, the alcohol helped the process along.

"Okay. Now you can go, Emma," Regina told the blonde, nodding.

"Regina, truth or dare."

"Hmm... I guess... Dare. I'm tired of answering questions."

"I dare you to shove that shot glass up your ass."

The three of them burst into a fit of laughter, then they all covered their mouths to muffle the sound.

"I changed my mind," Regina giggled. "Truth."

"Why do you love me?"

Regina was taken aback by this as she looked over at Belle, who had flinched at the question. When Emma looked too and saw this, she blushed.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "Nevermind."

"No. It's okay. Answer her, Regina. I want to hear this, too."

"Because you make me feel things I've never felt before."

"That's so cliché," Emma laughed. "You're full of shit."

"I mean it. I've never been able to love before you. I've always been... closed off. You make me want to open up and be honest."

"Is that why we're playing this?" Emma asked.

"Yes. I want you to have a chance to open me up a little, and I wanted to get to know Belle."

Regina smiled at the other brunette and leaned back against the wall.

"I like you, kid," Regina teased Belle.

The girl shook her head and rolled her eyes, saying, "I'm not a kid."

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry.  _Young lady_ then."

"Anyway," Emma interjected. "Whose turn is it?"

"You go, Belle," Regina offered.

Belle looked to Emma.

"Emma, truth or dare."

"Dare."

"I dare you to tell Regina why you love her too."

Emma sighed.

"Are you sure, Belle? I know you don't want to listen to this."

"I want to hear this. I need to know."

With another sigh, Emma answered, "Something happened to me a while ago that made me think I'd never love anyone. When I met Regina-" Emma looked at her lover "-I melted. I changed my mind. Why it was her, I don't know. I can't really explain it. I guess she just makes something inside me want to trust again." After a pause, she continued, "You do, too, Belle."

Nearly falling over as she tried to lean to the side, Emma wrapped her arms around Belle and hugged her tightly. Neither could see it, but Regina was smiling. But suddenly, Emma pulled away, holding her stomach.

"Guys," she groaned. "I think I'm gonna-"

"Shit," Regina hissed, jumping off the bed and scooping the girl into her arms. "She's gonna get sick. Belle, get the door."

Doing as she was told, Belle jumped up and opened the bedroom door, then hurried down the hallway and flung open the bathroom door as well.

Regina set the girl down in front of the toilet, holding back her hair. As soon as she leaned over, Emma threw up into the bowl.

"Oh, baby," Regina sighed. "I'm so sorry. This was such a stupid, immature idea. I never should've let you drink."

She looked as if she might cry.

Emma lifted her head and moaned, "No. It's fine. I'm fi-"

Then, she threw up again. And again.

Belle rubbed her back as Regina held her hair until the heaving finally stopped about twenty minutes later. Then, Emma blacked out. Regina carried her into the bedroom, gently placing her on the bed, and looked to Belle.

"You two take the bed. I'll sleep on the floor. I'll go to the liquor store in the morning and replace the whiskey. You stay here with her."

"No way," Belle protested, stepping away from the bed.

"It's okay, honey. Really, I don't mind. You both should get some rest."

With a sigh, Belle cautiously slipped into the bed beside her friend and looked over at Emma as she slept.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Belle asked Regina.

"She'll be fine, sweetie. She'll sleep it off, have a hangover in the morning, and be alright. As long as we cover for her, we won't have an issue."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

Regina took a few blankets from the closet and made herself a pallet on the floor where she laid down, shut her eyes, and took deep breaths.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Belle asked, "So how did you two meet anyway?"

Startled, Regina mumbled, "It's a long story. For another day."

Belle accepted this and shut her eyes as well. Only when she saw Emma roll over and wrap and arm around Belle's waist did Regina feel a slight pang of jealousy.

"You really love her, don't you?" Belle asked into the darkness.

"Yes," Regina answered softly. "Yes, I do."


	20. Insecurities

Regina pretended to be asleep for a long time, until Belle was finally snoring. (That part didn't take long.) The buzz had worn off, and she was left only with her thoughts, which overtook her mind until the early hours of the morning, when exhaustion finally overcame them.

In the morning, Regina was the first to wake. Looking at her watch, she saw that it was only seven AM, so she made as little noise as possible as she rolled over onto her back and stared up at the ceiling of her lover's bedroom.

Only when nine o'clock rolled around did she sit up. Seeing Emma's arm draped around Belle's waist and the way their bodies fit together, Regina felt a twinge of jealousy in her stomach, something she'd fought off until that point.

"Guys," she finally whispered, her voice cracking just a little from the anxiety she was feeling. "Wake up."

Emma, obviously hungover, groaned and covered her face, but Belle shot up in bed. When she saw Emma's arm so intimately wrapped around her, her mouth fell open, and she shot Regina a terrified glance as she nearly threw the girl off of her.

"I..." Belle started, but Regina shook her head.

"It's fine," she mumbled, swallowing hard and trying her best not to act like a jealous teenager.

Still, when Emma rolled back onto her side and insisted on wrapping her arm around Belle once again, it only made matters worse for Regina. But the doctor refused to say anything, knowing all too well that what she was feeling was her own insecurities. No matter what she tried in her head, though, nothing could push the thoughts away as she imagined the two of them spooning all night, holding each other, with Emma's face buried in Belle's wavy locks of brunette hair.

"Regina?" Belle asked, snapping the woman out of her trance.

"Huh? Oh, shit. Sorry. What?"

"I asked if you were okay."

"Yeah. Fine," she mumbled. "How is she?"

"Really hungover."

"No I'm not," Emma groaned at last, making a half-hearted attempt to slap Belle's arm.

Belle had to stifle a laugh, but Regina didn't find it funny. She rose to her feet and stood beside the bed, stroking Emma's hair out of her face.

"Honey," the doctor whispered. "You need to get up. You've gotta sneak me out of here before your foster family finds out."

"No," Emma said flatly. "Don't leave."

"Please don't do this now," Regina sighed. "You can't afford to get caught with me in your bedroom."

"Don't be such a prude. You weren't a prude last night. Maybe you should have some more to drink."

Regina's mouth fell open as she backed away from the bed.

"You know what?" she started. "Fuck you. Get caught. Whatever. I'm just going to leave and hope for your sake they don't see me."

"Wait, Regina," Emma protested, sitting up in bed, pressing her hand to her forehead as she felt her head spin from dizziness.

"Bye, Emma. Bye, Belle. It was great meeting you. Honestly."

And with that, the doctor was gone.

"Fuck!" Emma spat, turning around to punch her pillow, knowing that if she punched the wall, she'd wake the other residents of the household.

"Emma," Belle tried, touching the girl's shoulder. "She's just upset. I think you hurt her feelings. I'm sure she'll come around. She... She loves you..."

It was obvious that it pained Belle to say the last few words, but she said them anyway, knowing they were true.

"Don't, Belle," Emma snapped. "Just don't."

"You can be really mean, you know that?" Belle said softly, swinging her legs out of bed and standing up.

"Hold on. Wait. Belle, I wasn't trying to-"

"Forget it. I'm going downstairs."

It was hours before Emma reappeared out of her room and found Belle sitting in the living room watching television. The girl's head was lowered though, and her attention seemed to be on floor, rather than the TV screen.

"Belle..." Emma tried.

"Don't."

"I'm sorry."

Belle sighed and finally looked up.

"It's fine. Just sit down."

Emma did as she was told and took a seat on the opposite side of the squeaky couch, glancing up at the TV and then back to her friend.

"So what happened last night?" Emma asked quietly, nearly in a whisper so no one else in the house would hear her.

"You threw up an entire week's worth of food, pretty much."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. You can't hold your liquor at all."

Emma scowled and crossed her arms.

"Whatever."

Belle couldn't help but laugh.

"I felt bad when you got sick, but it's kinda funny that you're such a lightweight."

"You didn't throw up?"

"I didn't drink as much as you."

"What about Regina?"

"She can hold her alcohol like a pro, that's for sure. She drank more than either of us."

Emma blinked a few times before saying, "I don't remember anything. Did I do something stupid?"

"You said some... well... personal things. I think you scared Regina. The look on her face was..."

"What did I say?" Emma asked, anxiety straining her voice.

"You told us, indirectly, that you were raped."

Emma stood up instantly and turned to bolt for the stairs, but Belle grabbed her arm and said sternly, "Sit down."

When Emma tried to pull away, the girl jerked her down back into her seat and wrapped both arms around her.

"We love you, Emma. You don't have to be ashamed. You can tell either one of us anything."

Emma shook her head.

"No, I can't. You don't understand. I-"

"Emma," Belle whispered in her ear. "I love you."

Caught off guard by just how direct the statement was, Emma went silent. They sat like that, arms around each other, for a while, until Emma finally pulled away.

"I don't want to talk about this. Ever."

"You don't have to, but-"

"Ever."

Belle gave a nod of understanding before sighing and leaning back against the couch.

"You should call Regina," Belle finally said.

Emma bit her lip and nodded, ascending the stairs quickly to retrieve her cell phone. She felt pangs of nervousness as she dialed the number, and they got worse when the woman answered.

"Hi."

"Regina, I'm-"

"What do you want?"

"What do you mean, what do I want? You're my... I thought we..."

"You were rude as hell this morning, Emma."

"I know. I'm really sorry. I was hungover, and I didn't want you to leave..."

"Don't make excuses for your bad behavior. I know you're used to that, and that's just how you are, but don't do it with me."

This stung, but Emma nodded her head, even though Regina couldn't see.

Eventually, Emma said, "I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone. Call me if you feel like it. It's okay if you don't."

She waited, but no response came, so she mumbled, "I love you," and hung up the phone.


	21. You're Mine

It only took a few hours for Regina to call back.

"Hey," she said. "Listen. I'm sorry. You were mean, but I shouldn't have freaked out. It was really childish."

At first, Emma was quiet, surprised to hear the other woman apologizing, but eventually, she responded.

"It's fine. I'm just happy to hear from you. Will you come get me tonight? I think we should... you know..."

"Um. No. I don't..."

"Be alone?"

"Oh. Oh! Um..."

"What?"

"I just..."

Regina was blushing.

"What?"

The doctor had to decide. Should she be open with her lover and tell her the truth? Or should she keep it quiet and save herself the embarrassment? She was scared, but it didn't take her long to make her choice.

"The way you held Belle last night made me really jealous. It made me want to... I don't know. Mark my territory."

"What?" Emma laughed into the phone, a smile playing at her lips.

"I want to fuck you, Emma, and remind myself you're mine."

"Good," Emma said after a while. "Alone time it is. I'll see you when you get out of work. I'll be ready to go at seven."

Even after Emma hung up, she couldn't stop smiling, and Regina couldn't stop blushing.

* * *

"Say it."

" _Fuck_."

"Say it!" Regina yelled as she fucked her lover.

"I'm yours!" Emma moaned. "I'm yours."

Only then did Regina let her finish, leaving the girl gasping for air.

"That's right," the doctor cooed. "You're mine."

Emma covered her red cheeks and groaned.

"That was so embarrassing."

"Don't be embarrassed, baby," Regina said with a grin. "That's what it's supposed to feel like."

Still gasping for breath, Emma reached up and threaded her fingers through her lover's soft brown hair, looking lovingly into her eyes. Small beads of sweat formed on the woman's brow.

"A little worked up, are we?" Emma teased, wiping some of the sweat away.

Regina scowled and pulled away, huffing, "No," and looking anywhere but at Emma.

"It's okay baby. That's what it's supposed to feel like."

"Shut up!" Regina laughed, giving Emma a playful shove back down against the pillows.

After a pause, Emma told her, "I love when you make love to me."

This earned a smile from Regina as she leaned in and kissed her lover's forehead.

"I love making love to you."

The doctor rolled onto her side, leaned into Emma, and looked into the girl's eyes.

"Regina," Emma said softly. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby girl," the brunette said with a smile, kissing her cheek. "You know that, don't you?"

"You must love me. Why else would you put up with me?"

"The amazing sex," Regina giggled, stroking Emma's hair.

"Oh, shut up," Emma laughed, shaking her head. "I doubt I'm impressive in bed." She hesitated, then continued, saying, "I'm sorry."

At first, Regina looked confused, but she quickly picked up on what Emma was trying to say.

"Emma," the girl's former therapist cooed, "you're the best I've ever had."

Emma cringed. The last thing she wanted was a mental image of Regina in bed with a former lover.

"What is it?" Regina asked, looking concerned as she registered the expression on Emma's face.

"I can't stand to think about you fucking anyone else."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"It's fine," Emma snapped, looking away. "It just hurts. I don't want to imagine your other relationships."

"Former relationships. They're over."

"I guess."

"What the hell do you mean, you guess?"

"I just meant... They're over, but you're always going to remember them. They'll always be a part of you. It's scary to compete with other people when you're so experienced and I'm so... not."

"Emma," Regina sighed, "you don't need to be 'experienced' to be good in bed, and it's not a competition. You know exactly what to do, where to touch, how to stroke, where to lick..."

Blushing, Emma looked away again, but Regina caught her chin and turned her head back.

Eventually, Emma said, "I feel like you're just saying that."

"I would never lie to you. It feels so good when you touch me."

After a pause, Emma rolled on top of her lover and pinned the woman's wrists to the bed.

"Do you want me to touch you now?" the girl whispered, her head lowered and her breath warm on Regina's neck.

"Yes," Regina breathed, biting her lower lip and looking up at her lover.

Emma's wavy locks fell into her eyes, so she released the Regina's wrists and tucked her hair behind her ears, then leaned back in to kiss Regina's neck as she resumed the position. Her tongue stroked from the base up to the woman's jawbone, pulling a moan from between the doctor's lips.

"Emma," the woman whimpered, attempting to lean up and kiss her lover, but the blonde kept her pinned down.

"Yeah, baby?" Emma purred.

"Touch me."

So Emma complied, determined to give her best performance. And the previous sessions of practice helped. Though her confidence was low, it was better than when they'd first started making love, and it was easier for her to take control than it had been initially. A crashing wave of satisfaction spread through her as she made her lover come, and it was clear by the expression on the woman's face that Regina was feeling her own wave of satisfaction as well.

"Was that okay?" Emma asked, just to confirm.

"That was perfect," Regina sighed, shutting her eyes with a smile. "Come here."

So Emma laid herself down on top of her lover and rested her head on the woman's shoulder, feeling her chest rise and fall with every slow, heavy breath.

Once again, Emma said, "I love you," and fell asleep just before Regina could reply.


	22. You Gave Me Hope

Regina woke at 7:13 am to the sound of her cell phone ringing. The noise was almost as annoying as the alarm she'd set for nine o'clock. When she rolled over and answered it, there were frantic words spoken on the other end. Emma sat up beside her lover and furrowed her brow as she saw the look of concern on the doctor's face.

"I'll be right there," Regina said into the receiver, then ended the call.

"Are you alright?" Emma asked, seeking panic on the woman's worried face.

"No," she said quickly. "One of my patients tried to kill themselves. She's in the hospital. I have to go, right now."

"Okay. Alright. I'll wait for you here?"

"Yeah. I don't know how long I'll be. I'm sorry."

Emma kissed the woman goodbye and watched helplessly as her lover hurried out the door, looking terrified.

Three or four hours later - Emma wasn't sure exactly how long it had been - the woman returned and slowly opened the front door, taking pained, cautious steps forward as she entered the living room with her head lowered. Emma looked up and was about to speak when she saw Regina shake her head.

"She didn't make it," Regina said, choking on the words as tears suddenly began to pour from her eyes. "This is all my fault. I should have known. I should have seen the signs. She never said anything... She never... I didn't think..."

"Oh, God," Emma breathed, taking her lover's hand and squeezing it. "I'm so sorry, Regina. But this isn't your fault. When someone wants to kill themselves, they're going to do it, no matter what anyone else says or does. When you're desperate enough, you find a way."

"I should have seen the signs. I should have had her checked into the hospital before this happened."

"Regina," Emma said, "you can't think like that. You're so compassionate and caring, and you can't blame yourself for this. I'm sure she kept her thoughts to herself on purpose. She didn't want you to stop her."

"But I should have!" Regina screamed. "I should have been able to stop her."

Emma said nothing to this, but instead wrapped her arms around the woman and let the woman's head fall onto her shoulder as she cried.

For the next three days, Regina was inconsolable. In fact, her fits of crying grew more and more frequent, until she finally decided to reschedule her appointments for the rest of the week. She was in no position to advise or support anyone else in her emotional state, and she knew it.

"I feel bad for putting them off," the doctor said anxiously to Emma.

"You have to take care of yourself first, or you won't be able to take care of anyone else, honey. It's better for them if you wait until you're emotionally stable to meet with them."

"I know you're right, I'm just worried about all of them, you know? What if something happens and they can't see me until it's too late?"

"Regina," Emma sighed, "you need to do what's best for you. You know how important emotional health is, and you know you can't be there for anyone else until you're stable yourself."

Regina sighed and held her head in her hands.

"I don't think I can do this anymore, Emma," she finally said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Therapy."

"What?"

"I don't think I can do therapy anymore. I don't think I can do this job."

"Regina! You're amazing at what you do. I know that first hand. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You kept me stable and gave me something to look forward to each week, even before I fell in love with you."

"No, I'm not. I'm a horrible psychologist. I let a girl die, Emma. I let her die."

"Regina, baby, please don't say that. This wasn't your fault. Your patients need you. They trust you. Don't give up on them."

"They'll be better off with someone else."

"No. That's just not true."

"It is true."

"Stop it! You're depressed. That's okay. But you can't give up your life's calling just because you're hurt and discouraged. This is all the more reason to stick with it and be there for your patients. They  _need_ you, Regina."

Another fit of tears followed, and this time Regina sobbed until she was too exhausted to cry anymore. Emma held her until the tears stopped. When the woman finally did stop crying, she lifted her head from Emma's shoulder and looked into the girl's eyes.

"Tell me what you see in me," Regina said.

"Everything. Hope, compassion, love. You're a wonderful person, Regina. Everyone you know is lucky to have you in their lives, including me."

"How can I go on after this? How can I pretend to be a competent therapist when I let this happen?"

"You can't give up, Regina. You need to feel your obligation to your patients. This isn't just about you. None of this was your fault, and the worst thing you could do right now is give up on the patients you care so much for."

Regina sighed and slowly nodded her head, but still unsure of herself and of her lover's words.

"I believe in you," Emma said softly, stroking the woman's hair. "I know you can pull through this."

Regina nodded again and leaned back against the couch, shutting her eyes, and replied, "I just want to sleep forever."

"I know that feeling," Emma told her, kissing her cheek. "I felt that way my whole life. But you know what? I pulled through it. Mostly because of you."

"Me? Why me?"

"Because you gave me hope. You helped me believe in myself when no one else in my life believed in me."

"I believe in you."

"And I believe in you. So don't give up."

Finally, Regina nodded once more.


	23. Perfectly Clear

"Let me make you a cup of coffee," Emma suggested the next morning.

"I'm not thirsty," Regina said groggily, turning her face away as she leaned back against the pillows on the bed.

"Yeah, but you obviously need the caffeine. Can you at least  _try_ to sit up and start the day?"

Regina shook her head and slammed a pillow over her face.

"Come on, goober," Emma pressed. "Up and at 'em."

"Nope," the doctor mumbled through the pillow, then removed it and tossed it to the side. "First appointment's not 'til two this afternoon."

"Regina," the blonde said dryly, "it's ten in the morning. It's time to get up. You need to eat something."

"Don't wanna."

"You're being a child."

"Mhmm."

"Regina!" Emma laughed, jumping on top of her lover and grabbing the pillow to cover her lover's face. "Get up now, my queen, or I shall strangle you."

Playfully shoving the girl off of her, Regina sat up and sighed, unable to fight back the smile that Emma brought to her lips.

"Alright, alright. I'll get up. Now, get off of me."

Triumphantly, Emma hopped off the bed and made her way into the kitchen as Regina collected a fresh set of clothing. By the time the woman was out of the shower and fully dressed, Emma had brewed a fresh pot of coffee and fixed her lover a mug full of the hot liquid.

"Time to wake up, lazybutt."

Regina rolled her eyes but took the mug between her hands and sipped its contents.

"Shit!" she shouted, nearly dropping the container of coffee. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"Did you burn your lip?" Emma asked anxiously. "I'm sorry! I didn't realize it was that hot."

"It's fine," the doctor sighed. "I should have waited."

"I feel really bad."

"Don't, honey," Regina said with a small, reassuring smile. "It's just a little burn. My lip will feel better in no time."

Emma nodded her head and sat down on a stool, taking in her lover's outfit for the day.

"You look..."

"Hmm?"

"You look beautiful, Regina. I'm..."

"You're what?"

"Stunned."

"So you're saying I don't normally look appealing?" the therapist teased.

"No!" Emma gasped. "I..."

"Oh, it's fine. I get it. I see how it is."

Even though Regina was grinning, Emma took her seriously.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it that way. You always look beautiful! It's just that today... Today you look  _radiant._ "

"I was just kidding, Emma," Regina laughed. "Relax. And thank you. I wasn't sure about this dress, but obviously it caught your attention, so-"

A knock at the door interrupted the woman's sentence, and the two stared at each other in confusion.

"You expecting a package or something?"

"No... I'm not."

"Regina!" a shrill voice form outside rang out. "Let your mother in for crying out loud. I swear, if you're still sleeping, I-"

Regina covered her mouth and looked desperately at Emma, praying that somehow the situation would just fade away if she wished hard enough.

"Regina!" Emma hissed. "Go get the door!"

"And what am I supposed to do with you?"

"I don't know. But if you pretend you're not here, she's just going to open the door with the key she has anyway, so you might as well just let her in."

Conceding to this, Regina stood and reluctantly made her way to the door of the apartment. At a painfully slow pace, she opened the door.

"What took you so long?" the woman shrieked. "I was-"

When Regina's mother caught sight of Emma, her face flooded with color.

"What the Hell is she doing here?" the woman snapped.

Regina stood gaping at her mother but said nothing.

"Regina!  _What_ is she doing here?"

"Mother, I..."

"You  _what?_  Did I not make myself perfectly clear?"

"You did, but I..."

"PERFECTLY clear, Regina?"

"Yes, mother, but..."

"Enough! I want her out,  _now!_ "

Finally, Regina found courage, and her voice found strength.

"She's not leaving, mother."

"Then you leave me no choice but to report you. You should have listened to me. You should have listened. And now, your choices will haunt you forever. You can say goodbye to your job, Regina. You'll never practice again."

As soon as the door slammed, Regina's eyes snapped back to Emma's direction and she immediately saw that the girl was crying.

"Emma..."

"I'm so sorry," the girl said, her hands shaking as she gripped the sides of the stool she was sitting on.

"Emma, don't. This isn't your fault. I..."

"What are you going to do?"

"There's nothing I can do. I can't deny her claims in front of the board. I'm going to have to face them and accept the consequences."

"Regina,  _no_! There has to be something we can do."

"No, Emma. Nothing can fix what she's about to do."

"Can't you talk to her? Convince her otherwise?"

Regina forced a laugh.

"Of course not. She's my mother. She wouldn't budge if a train was headed for her at 120 miles an hour."

Emma looked dismayed, but she understood the truth of the woman's words.

"What now?"

"Now, we wait."

"Wait for what?"

"To see what they say."

"Will you see your patients until then?"

Regina nodded and sighed.

"I'll need to tie up any loose ends I've made. I won't be able to tell them why, of course, but I'll be able to refer them to other therapists who can help them much better than I can."

"That's not true! You're a wonderful therapist, Regina. We talked about this."

"Say what you will, but the damage is done now, and there's nothing we can do to change my mother's mind."

Emma thought for a moment - thought hard - and finally, she said, "What if we could discredit her and make her seem... I don't know... delusional? Without denying anything directly."

Looking intrigued but skeptical, Regina asked, "How?"

"Isn't there some dirt you can dig up on her? There has to be something dark in her past that would cause the board to completely disregard anything she said."

"She's a reputable member of society, Emma. No one's going to believe anything negative I have to say about her."

"You don't have to lie. What if you had proof?"

"Proof of what, exactly?"

"Anything, Regina. Anything."


	24. A Rebuttal

The plan was simple. Too simple, actually. Wait until Regina's mother was out of the house, break in, and dig up some dirt. Where they were going to look for it, they weren't sure, but they knew they had to find something, and they had to do it quickly. Getting inside went off without a hitch, but once they were in, they realized just how lost they really were.

"Now what?" Emma hissed quietly, looking around at the perfectly clean living room.

"Bedroom."

The two made their way inside the room and glanced around before either made a move. Regina was first to initiate their mission. Thinking that, in the typical fashion, her mother would hide whatever was meant to be kept secret, in the top of the closet, she started her search there, pulling down an old, dusty shoe box first. She blew off the dust and wiped off the cobwebs, then opened the lid.

Receipts, dating back to 1999.

"Shit," Regina cursed.

Emma looked over from her own project - the night stand beside the bed - and waited for the woman to explain the exclamation.

When Regina said nothing, reaching up for more artifacts from the closet, Emma asked, "What?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Besides, what's she even going to be hiding?"

"It doesn't matter what it is. We just have to find it."

"I guess you're right. Keep looking. This is a little cliché, but check between the mattresses."

Emma nodded and did as the woman suggested, but found nothing.

"Nope."

Regina sighed and kept looking. Eventually, finding only hats, shoes, coats, and dresses, she gave up on the closet. Next, she turned to the dresser, which was set back against the wall with two big windows where bright sunlight poured in. After a while of digging, she finally made it to the bottom drawer.

"Oh, my God. Emma..."

"What? What is it?" the girl asked, hurrying over to her lover's side.

"You're not going to believe this."

"Believe what?"

"Look at this."

Regina held up a photograph of a younger version of her mother kissing a handsome man - much older - in a suit and tie.

"So? She's kissing a guy. Big deal."

"He was her therapist, Emma! This is un-fucking-real."

"I don't get it."

"I've met this guy. She introduced him as her psychologist."

"Seriously? If she really had a relationship with her therapist, why would she keep this around?"

"I dunno. Maybe she loved him."

"I guess so."

"Anyway, that's all we're gonna need. I show this to the board, and they'll know  _exactly_ why she's trying to get me fired. They'll never buy her claims after that."

"That's too perfect," Emma said with a grin. "Now let's get the Hell out of here before she comes back."

Unlike in most hollywood movies where almost everyonegets caught, the two made it out safely without being seen. Regina's mother was halfway across town, and by the time she realized they'd been there, it would be too late for her to do anything about it.

* * *

"Regina," a tall man with a thick, dark beard said, knocking on the frame of the woman's open office door. "I need to speak with you. Urgently. In private."

"That's interesting, because I need to speak to you as well, and I think we'll be discussing the same thing," the woman said calmly in response.

Once in the older man's office, the two sat down, and Regina fingered a plain white envelope in her hands.

"So what is this about, Doctor Hodgson?"

"I'm sorry to say that this is about your relationship with one of your patients, Miss Emma Swan."

"What exactly about the relationship? She is no longer a patient of mine."

"It has been brought to my attention that the nature of your relationship is a sexual one. Of course, you know what this means for your practice."

"Actually, that  _is_ what I wanted to discuss with you."

"Oh?" the man said, tilting his head slightly as he looked at her with interest.

"I know who made those claims, and I have a rebuttal you may be interested in investigating."

"Is that so?"

Regina handed over the envelope and watched as the man removed the picture of the woman who had reported her.

"This is Doctor Jonathan Brown," he said plainly, gaping at the photograph. "And your mother."

"As you can see, she has her own motives for making claims against me that would jeopardize my job. Surely, now that this has been brought to your attention, you have nothing further to add to this ridiculous accusation."

"No, Miss Mills. I do not. I appreciate this piece of information, and I'm glad to say that he is no longer practicing psychology, so it will not be an issue I need to pursue. In regards to the claims made against  _you_ , I can clearly see that there were ulterior motives for the accuser's statements."

"Thank you, Doctor Hodgson. If you don't mind, I'd like to get back to work, unless there's anything else you wanted to discuss."

"Quite right. I'll let you be on your way."

And with that, Regina left his office, heart racing and filled with relief.  _Too easy_ , she thought.  _Something's gotta go wrong._ Similar thoughts ran through her mind as she drove back to her apartment later that night. As soon as she reached the door, she threw it open and burst into the room.

"Emma!" she yelled, excitement in her voice. "I'm home!"

The blonde stood up from her seat on the couch and looked nervously towards her lover.

"Well, come here, my beautiful girl!" Regina said with a grin.

Confused but grateful for the woman's promising enthusiasm, Emma rushed over, arms open. Rather than a simple hug, Regina lifted the girl off her feet and into her arms.

"We're home free, baby. It's over. It worked."

"Really?" Emma squeaked, looking down into her lover's face.

When the woman nodded, Emma finally smiled.

"I'm so happy. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd be fine, honey. But I'm glad we don't have to find that out."

Emma wanted to protest, to tell the woman that she definitely would  _not_ be 'fine,' but her words were silenced by the woman's lips.


	25. How it Started

"I think I should tell Belle how we met, Regina," Emma said to her lover the next day after school. "I feel like I'm keeping things from her. I mean, I  _am_ keeping things from her. It feels wrong."

"I don't know, Emma," Regina said hesitantly. "I'm not so sure she'd react well. I'm not so sure  _anyone_ would react well."

"She deserves to know the truth, don't you think?"

"And what if  _she_ brings it to the board? Then I'd really be fucked."

"Regina," Emma pleaded. "Please give me your blessing to tell her. This feels so messed up. We're so close, but I'm keeping secrets."

"Alright, Emma," the doctor sighed. "If that's really what you think is right."

"It is," the girl said quickly. "I'm tired of keeping things from her when I care about her so much."

With a nod, Regina said nothing else.

* * *

"Belle," Emma said into the phone when the beep of the answering machine signaled her to speak, "I have to tell you something important. Call me back when you get this."

The call was never returned, and Emma was forced to wait to talk to the girl when she came home that night.

"I have to tell you something."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"So tell me." Emma hesitated, so Belle asked, "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, but I... There's something you need to know."

"Just tell me, Emma. You can tell me anything."

After more hesitation, Emma finally said, "I need to tell you how Regina and I met."

"Okay..."

They looked at each other, until Emma finally gathered the bravery to speak again.

"She was my therapist."

Belle's jaw dropped as she stared at her friend, until at last, she said, "That's sick, Emma. That's fucking sick."

"Belle, please don't say that... I..."

"No," the brunette said, backing away from Emma as she spoke. "That's fucking wrong. That's a complete violation of every ethics code that exists."

"I love her, Belle! Why does it matter how it started?"

"Because she's taking advantage of your weakness!"

"My  _weakness?_ " Emma hissed. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you're fucking  _depressed,_ Emma, and she obviously used her knowledge of human psychology to manipulate you into a sexual relationship!"

"You never thought that before!"

"I never knew how your warped and fucked up relationship started!"

"Why does it matter?"

"I just told you. Because it's  _sick._ "

"Belle, please try to understand... I fell in love with her. I couldn't help it!"

"But she shouldn't have fallen in love with you. You can't help how you feel, but she can control how she acts," Belle asserted angrily. Even when the girl saw tears forming in Emma's eyes, she didn't let up, instead following her statement with, "It's gross, Emma. It's fucked up. It's wrong."

"It's not wrong," Emma snapped. "Love is love."

"That's not love. That's disgusting manipulation."

"She's not manipulating me!"

"Bullshit, Emma! Bullshit!"

"It's not bullshit!" the blonde shouted, "and fuck you for saying that!"

"Fuck me? Really?"

"Really."

"Fuck you too then. I cared about you and tried to help you and all you have to say is 'Fuck you?'"

"You know what?" Emma said. "Yeah. Fuck. You. I love her, and if you can't be cool with that, then fuck you."

"Okay.  _Great._ I'm out, then."

When Belle grabbed her bag off the floor and turned to pack her clothes, Emma grabbed her arm.

"Belle, wait," the blonde tried. "Don't leave. I'll go. I want you to be safe."

"Oh, now you suddenly care about me?" Belle spat. "I'm fucking out of here."

The rest of the words Emma wanted to speak stuck in her throat as Belle packed her bag. As Emma watched the girl leave, she started to cry. Before she could stop herself, she was in the bathroom holding a razor to her wrist, slicing it open and watching as the blood poured onto the linoleum floor.

 _I'm such an idiot,_  was all Emma's mind could manage.  _I hate myself._

Over and over, the blade dug into her wrists, until, on the seventh swipe, the girl's hand slipped and cut deeper than she'd intended. The blood, at this point, had completely soaked her jeans and made a large splotch of color on the bottom of her shirt. When she realized what she'd done, her tears flowed faster. Part of her wanted to fill the tub, lay back in it, and allow the blood loss to end her life, but the other part of her knew she had to make the phone call she was instantly dreading.

A blood trail leading to her bedroom formed as she ran down the hallway, and she grabbed her phone with her right hand and dialed the number she knew by heart.

"Regina," she sobbed. "I fucked up."

* * *

The blood loss had exhausted Emma to the point of losing consciousness. As she lay in the hospital bed, Regina sat beside her with tears pouring down her cheeks.

"Emma," she whimpered into the girl's ear. "Wake up, baby. Wake up." When the doctor came back in, Regina immediately stood and asked, "Will she be okay?"

"She will be okay, but we can't let her leave the hospital until we're sure she's psychologically stable."

"I know that!" the therapist snapped. "Just tell me if she'll be alright."

"She'll be just fine within the next twenty-four hours, once she is properly medicated."

With a weak nod, Regina sat back down in the chair and took the girl's hand, saying, "When will she wake up?"

"She's very tired, ma'am. It could be hours."

Regina sighed and nodded again, squeezing Emma's hand tighter as the doctor left the room.

When the girl finally did wake, her eyes instantly filled with tears.

"What happened?" Regina asked anxiously, standing up again and rushing to her side.

"I told Belle," Emma sobbed. "We got into a huge fight and she left."

"Emma," the therapist whimpered, hugging the girl tightly. "Oh, Emma. My sweet darling."

* * *

By the time Emma was finally discharged two days later, she'd said hardly anything else to Regina, and the woman hadn't pressed for more details or answers.

In the car, on the way back to Regina's, the woman said, "You missed a few days of school you'll have to make up. I know it's going to suck to go back, but it's important. You're so close to graduation. Don't let this hold you back, okay?"

"I can't see Belle," Emma asserted fiercely.

"You're not skipping school to avoid her. I won't let you."

"Since when are you my mother?" the girl snapped.

"I'm not. I'm someone who cares for you deeply and doesn't want you to throw away your future over a fight with a friend that will blow over soon."

"It's not going to blow over. You should have heard the things she said..."

Regina sighed.

"I'm sorry, honey. I'm not trying to be insensitive. Please just hang in there. Don't give up, okay?"

"Yeah. I guess so."

"Just tell me you'll try."

"I'll try."

"That's all I can ask for."


	26. Skinny Dipping

"Can I stay with you tonight?" Emma asked softly, looking at Regina with the largest 'puppy eyes' she could manage as they pulled into the driveway and the brunette put the car in park.

"I think you should go home, Emma. Your foster family is worried about you, and they'll want to keep an eye on you after everything that's happened."

"I don't care. I just want you... and I don't want to see Belle."

"Honey..."

"Please?"

Emma stuck her lower lip out and made it tremble until Regina finally said, "Oh, alright. How can I say no to that face?"

Regina pinched the girls cheeks gently and kissed her nose. Without saying anything else, she got out of the car and opened the passenger's door for Emma, giving the girl her hand to help her out of the seat. Inside, Emma stood awkwardly near the front door as she looked around.

"What's the matter?" Regina asked, looking at Emma for the answer.

"Are you sure you want me here? If you really think I should go, I will. I don't want to bother you. I don't want you to feel like you have to babysit me."

"No offense, but obviously, someone needs to."

"Ouch!" Emma said harshly, taking a step backwards towards the door.

"Emma, you can't control your impulses when you're alone and you experience any strong emotion. You can't deny that." The girl was silent, so Regina continued by adding, "If I'd been there, you wouldn't have cut. I blame myself for this."

"No!" Emma screamed. "This is exactly what I  _didn't_ want! This isn't your fault! I made that choice. Me. On my own. I decided to hurt myself because I didn't feel like there was a better way to deal with what happened, not because of anything you did or didn't do."

Regina shrugged.

"It doesn't feel that way."

"Well that's how it is."

"Emma..."

"Regina."

"Come here."

Regina's arms opened wide as she looked directly into Emma's eyes. When Emma finally uncrossed her arms and walked over to her, Regina threw her arms around the girl without waiting for her to initiate the embrace.

"I love you," the doctor whispered. "You know that, don't you?"

"I guess so," Emma replied slowly.

"I need you to  _know_ it."

"It's not that easy when I feel so unloveable."

"Ich liebe dich, mein schatz," Regina whispered into her ear, her voice low and almost seductive.

"Uh...what?"

"I said, 'I love you, my darling,' in German."

"Oh," Emma replied with a blush. "Um... te amo."

Regina's smiled at Emma's use of the foreign language, which brought light to Emma's eyes, and when she looked away shyly, Emma smiled too.

"Can I ask you something?" the blonde said.

The brunette nodded her head but said nothing.

"Do you... Do you think we're good for each other?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I feel like I bring you down. Like I'm just another horrible patient for you to deal with that you just happen to be fucking."

"Emma!" Regina cried. "It's not like that! You're not a burden on me whatsoever. I enjoy every minute I spend with you, and I wouldn't have you any other way, except safe and being good to yourself."

"But I'm not safe, or being good to myself, and that's ruining your life right now. I almost cost you your job."

"Our relationship almost cost me my job. It was a conscious choice I made to go against the code of ethics that I've embraced my whole life. It was my choice, not yours, and I made that choice because I wanted to. I wanted  _you_. I still want you."

At first, it seemed that Emma was too shocked to say anything. Instead of speaking, she let the words soak in and attempted to believe them.

"Regina?" she finally asked, not waiting for the woman's reply before speaking again. "I can't imagine my life without you."

Regina was quiet for a moment before she decided on what to say.

"Hey, Em?"

"You never call me that."

"That's not true!" Regina countered. "I do sometimes."

"Anyway, what is it you were going to say?"

"Do you want to do something fun?"

Emma tilted her head slightly and asked, "What?"

"Let's go skinny dipping."

"What?! Where?"

"The ocean, of course. Where else?"

"I don't know. A pool?"

"Nope. Ocean."

"Are you kidding me? It's like 2 degrees in the water out there!"

"No, come on. Let's do it! Besides, the cold will make your nipples hard, and I'm  _all_ about that."

"Regina!" Emma squealed.

"What?" her lover asked playfully with a grin.

"I... No way!"

"Come on, baby. Please?"

Emma looked at her as though her head was exploding and oozing green sludge.

"Okay," she finally said. "Alright."

"Really?!"

"Yes, fine."

"No bathing suits. Just birthday suits."

"If you strip down to nothing, I will too, but I think you're too much of a pussy to actually do that."

"Hey, fuck you!" Regina snapped. "I'll have you know I've gone skinny dipping multiple times."

"Yeah, right."

There was a long pause before the brunette said, "Okay, maybe I haven't. So what?"

"Have you ever? Really?"

"No..."

"Never?"

"Never."

"What makes you want to now?"

Regina bit her lip.

"I just want to do something crazy with you. Bonding time, to take our mind off of everything that's bothering us, you know?"

Emma nodded.

[LINE BREAK]

"Alright. You ready?"

"Sure. Let me just grab my bathing suit out of the car."

"Emma! You said-"

"Just kidding, poopface."

"Poopface? Really?"

"What can I say? I'm immature. Now, let's go before I chicken out."

"Race you!" Regina yelled, tearing off her clothes as fast as she was able.

Emma hesitated, looking around at the empty beach, but was faster than Regina at removing her clothing and reached the water first, diving in before Regina's feet hit the water.

"Oh, my GOD," Emma screamed, immediately standing up and wrapping her arms around herself, coving her nipples that were, as predicted by her lover, hard.

Regina simply threw her head back and laughed, shaking the water off her own skin and pushing both hands through her wet hair.

"Oh, my God," Emma repeated.

"What?" Regina asked, sensing the sudden change in her lover's tone.

"We forgot the fucking towels."

"Oh, shit," Regina laughed, looking around in the darkness.

There was a small lamp on the beach that lit up a small area of sand where they had, in fact, forgotten to put their towels. In actuality, the towels they had so heavily counted on were back at Regina's place of residence, far out of reach.

"Oops," Emma said, suddenly laughing. "My bad."

"Yeah," Regina giggled. " _You_ were supposed to grab them!"

"Well, I didn't. Sue me!"

"No. But I might screw you later, if you're lucky."

With that, Regina lifted the girl into her arms and held her there.

"Oh yeah?" Emma laughed, leaning down to kiss Regina's wet forehead.

"Yep."

At that moment, Regina tossed the girl back into the water, which created a splash big enough to soak herself in freezing water again.

"Brrr!" Regina finally said. "Let's get the Hell out of here."

"Ugh!" the blonde snapped. "You bitch!"

"Yeah, yeah. Get to the car, princess."

Scowling, Emma did as she was told and made her way back across the beach and over to Regina's car, pulling her clothes on along the way.

"Now what?" Emma asked.

"You get in, obviously."

"But we're going to soak the seats!"

"Yup."

"But-"

"Just get in."

With a sigh, Emma did as she was told and sat down on the seat, soaking both the clothes she'd pulled back on and the upholstery.


	27. Hitting the Books

By the time they reached Regina's place, the car seats, as expected, were soaked.

"I'm gonna run inside and get some towels," Regina announced. "You go ahead and get dried off."

"You sure you don't want help?" Emma asked, hesitating as she stepped out of the car.

"Mhmm. Go on."

"I'm actually gonna get in the shower to get all this sand off me, if that's alright."

"Of course."

The two went inside, Emma stepping through the doorway first, dripping a trail of saltwater from the door to the bathroom on her way there. After using an armful of towels to dry the car seats, Regina went back into the house, then hovered near the closed bathroom door as she heard the shower begin to run. After a moment of contemplation, she opened the door and slipped silently inside, stripping herself of all clothing. Without a word, she pulled back the shower curtain and stepped inside, startling Emma to the point of letting out a small yelp.

"Regina!" Emma gasped.

"Hi," the woman cooed with a grin, standing behind Emma and resting her hands on the girl's waist. "How can you stand the water this hot? It's scalding."

After turning the metal knob to lower the temperature, Emma attempted to turn around to face her lover, but the woman held her tightly and pressed their bodies together.

"I wanna take you from behind," Regina whispered. "Let me fuck you."

"I..."

"Shh," the brunette said, sliding a hand up to grope the girl's breast and moving the other down until her fingers were stroking Emma's clit. "Let me fuck you."

Emma, unable to stifle the whimper, let out a soft cry as Regina slipped two fingers into her core and pinched her nipple with her other hand. The girl braced herself against the wall as the warm water cascaded down her back and soaked her from head to foot.

"Regina," Emma moaned a few minutes later, coming hard, her muscles contracting tightly around the woman's steady fingers.

"I love you," the woman whispered back, kissing her neck.

After the two of them were thoroughly cleaned and free of any beach residue and sand, they stepped out of the shower together and dried off. At this point, it was late, and the two were sleepy enough that it was difficult to keep their eyes open as they climbed in bed and lay beside each other.

"That was actually really great," Emma finally said as Regina slipped an arm around her shoulders.

"The shower or the beach?"

"Both."

"I know," Regina replied with a satisfied smile. "I'm glad we went."

"Me too, even though it was fucking freezing."

"It was good just to be able to do something... I don't know... crazy."

Emma nodded in agreement and leaned her head back to rest it on her lover's shoulder.

"I don't want to go to school tomorrow," the blonde sighed. "I'm going to be exhausted. I can't see Belle. I just can't."

"Baby," Regina sighed, "I know it's going to be difficult, but you have to do this. You're so close to graduation. One more month and you're out of there. You just have to hold on until then."

"I know. I just..."

"I'm proud of you," the brunette interjected. "Very."

This caused Emma to open her eyes and sit up. When she looked into her lover's eyes, she saw the seriousness there and bit her lip.

"Why?"

"Because I know how hard you're trying, and I know you can do this."

"At least someone believes in me."

"I do."

"Thank you, Regina," Emma said softly, kissing the woman's cheek. "And thank you for that little episode in the shower. I really needed that."

"Needed it, huh?" Regina giggled.

"Mhmm."

The smirk on Emma's lips drew Regina in, and when their lips connected, Regina felt her core grow warm again.

"Wanna go again?"

"We should sleep. We've gotta get up early in the morning. Rain check?"

With an exaggerated gasp, Regina said, "I never thought you'd decline a passionate fuck, Miss Swan."

Emma laughed and shook her head, saying, "You want me to do well tomorrow, don't you?"

"I suppose."

After a few more tender kisses, Emma fell asleep in her lover's arms.

The next day at school, Emma dragged her feet as she walked down the hallway to her first class, knowing she was bound to see Belle soon. But, to her surprise, the brunette was nowhere to be seen. By the time Regina's car pulled up to the curb to pick her up after the final bell, she still had not seen the girl.

"She wasn't there," Emma said slowly as she climbed into the passenger seat.

"What?" Regina asked.

"Belle. She wasn't there today."

"You think she's okay?"

"I think she's probably pissed and doesn't want to see me."

"Oh, honey," Regina sighed, shaking her head as she pulled away from the school. "I'm sure this will blow over soon."

"What if it doesn't?" Emma asked solemnly.

"Then you'll be alright. You'll always have me."

Leaning back in the seat against the headrest, the blonde sighed and shut her eyes until they reached Regina's place.

"Homework time," Emma groaned, sitting down at the dining room table once they were inside.

With an understanding nod, Regina said, "I'll leave you be. I've got some paperwork I need to do anyway. I'll be in my office, alright?"

Emma nodded and opened her backpack, setting a large pile of books on the table.

A half hour later when Regina reappeared in the dining room, she was surprised to find Emma with her feet up on another chair, comic book in hand.

"What the hell are you doing?" Regina snapped, stomping over to her and tearing the thin paperback from the girl's hands. " _Deadpool?_ "

"Yeah..." Emma said, blushing. "So?"

"So, you're supposed to be doing your homework! And since when do you like superheroes?"

"He's more of an anti-hero, really," the girl muttered, grabbing the comic book away from Regina and stuffing it under the pile of her textbooks.

"I don't give a shit what he is. Get back to work!"

"What the fuck do you care anyway?"

"Emma!" Regina yelled. "You know exactly why I care! Now is not the time to mess around."

With a dramatic sigh, Emma reopened her textbook and slammed her head against it.

"Emma!" the brunette cried, causing Emma's head to snap back up and her spine to straighten.

"Yeah, yeah," the girl huffed, picking up her pencil and opening her notebook.

"Good. Now, hit the books, and don't let me catch you goofing off again, or I'm bringing you home."

"It's not home," Emma snapped, slamming the writing utensil down on top of her paperwork.

"I'm sorry," Regina sighed. "You know what I meant."

"Yeah."

"I love you."

"I love you too," Emma muttered, looking back down and refusing to meet her lover's gaze.

When the woman left the room, Emma let out a groan and continued to work through the math problems that so boldly seemed to be mocking her and exasperating her struggle.


	28. Comic Books are for Nerds

The next day, Regina wasn't out of work until five, so Emma decided to wait at school, rather than take the bus back to her foster parents' house. So, she sat in the hallway with her legs crossed, comic book open on her lap, and waited for the time to pass.

"You're going to trip somebody," a soft voice echoed through the empty hallway a while after the bell had rung.

Emma lifted her head slowly, knowing the voice, and subconsciously bit her lip.

"Hi."

"Since when are you such a nerd?" the brunette asked, giving the bottom of the other girl's shoe a gentle kick.

Emma shrugged and said, "Since always. Why?"

"Because it's nerdy. I can't be seen hanging out with nerds."

"Then don't."

"I was kidding..."

Emma shrugged again and lowered her head, pretending to be reading again, but the small paperback was quickly swiped away, and she was forced to look up into her friend's eyes.

"Give it back," Emma mumbled, holding out her hand, but the other girl refused. "Belle, come on."

"It's for your own good," the brunette said, cracking a smile.

The blonde just sighed and let her head crash back against the locker behind her, saying nothing else.

"So," Belle said, and waited for Emma to respond.

"So, what?"

"So, don't you have anything to say?"

"Why weren't you in school yesterday?"

"That's not really any of your business." Emma was taken aback by this, and again, she said nothing else, so Belle continued, saying, "I didn't want to see you."

"Oh."

"I was embarrassed."

Emma lifted her head.

"What?"

"I said, 'I was embarrassed.'"

"But, why?"

"Because I said some really nasty things, and I regret saying them."

"But-"

"Wait," Belle interjected. "Before you say anything, just listen. I still think what's going on between you and Regina is wrong, but the way I treated you was completely unacceptable, and I'm sorry."

Emma's lips parted slightly as she stared at her friend, trying to take in the completely unexpected response.

"I want you to leave her," the brunette said slowly, looking into her friend's eyes.

"That's not going to happen," Emma said sharply, starting to grab her backpack and prepare to stand up, ready to walk away from the conversation altogether.

"Emma, wait," Belle pleaded, grabbing the girl's hand. "Please. I... I don't want you to leave her just because I think it's wrong. I want you to leave her because... because..."

After a moment of silence, Emma asked, "Belle?" and waited for the girl to finish the thought.

"I want you to be with  _me_ , Emma," Belle sighed. "I want you to be mine."

Emma sighed too, saying, "I'm sorry, Belle. I just don't feel that way about you."

Her friend gave a weak nod, but her eyes welled up with tears.

"Belle... Honey..."

"Don't," the broken-hearted girl snapped, moving away from Emma.

"Come here," Emma said softly, holding her arms out.

At first, Belle looked as though she might stand up and leave, but after a moment of hesitation, she found herself in Emma's arms, crying onto her shoulder.

"Is that why you got so upset?" Emma asked.

"I got upset," Belle sniffled, "because you're choosing someone who's taking advantage of you over someone who really loves you."

"She's not taking advantage of me, Belle. She does love me. And you need to know that even if I wasn't with Regina, you and I still wouldn't be together. I love you like a sister."

The words stung Belle deeply, but at the same time, hearing that Emma loved her at all healed part of the wound.

"I just want you to be treated well."

"She does treat me well."

"Emma-"

"I was in the hospital, Belle."

"I know. Your foster parents told me when I stopped by to get my stuff."

"You moved out?!" Emma gasped.

"No. I wanted to, but they asked me to stay, so I did."

"I'm glad..."

"I should have called you," Belle sighed. "I'm so sorry. Why did you do it?"

"I thought I'd lost the one person I could truly call a friend."

"You haven't lost me, Emma. I'm always going to be here for you. I said some really stupid things I didn't mean, but that doesn't change how I feel about you. You're a nerd, but I love you."

At the last comment, Belle smiled, and Emma glared at her.

"I'm not a nerd," the blonde protested, finally snatching the comic book out of her friend's hand.

"You are, but that's okay."

Sticking out her lower lip in a pout, Emma crossed her arms.

"Don't do that," Belle said sternly. "It makes me want to kiss you. I always want to kiss you..."

"Belle," Emma sighed, dropping the comic book onto her lap and covering her face with her hands. "Please understand."

"I do. It's just hard, you know? When you love someone so much and they don't love you the same way."

"I do love you, though. I do."

"I know, Emma," Belle said slowly.

"Don't leave me, okay? Everyone leaves. Don't be like them. Don't leave me. I need you. You're..."

"What?"

"You're my  _best_ friend."

"And you're mine."

When they embraced again, Emma could feel the tears on Belle's cheeks.

"I'm going to Regina's tonight, but tomorrow, we should do something together. Do you want to go see a movie or something?"

Belle hesitated, wanting to make a snide remark about the girl's lover, but decided against it.

"Yeah," she said instead. "That would be nice."

When Emma checked the clock on her phone and saw that it was nearly five fifteen, the time Regina was supposed to be there to pick her up, she quickly gathered her things.

"I've gotta go. Walk me out?"

"I don't want to see her..."

With a sigh, Emma nodded her head, slung her bag over her shoulder, holding the comic book tightly in her hand, and made her way down the hallway to the front entrance, knowing that her friend was hurt, but grateful that they were still on speaking terms and that they'd mostly settled their disagreement.


	29. Something Else

"How was it?" Regina asked as Emma sat down in the passenger's seat.

"Shitty, obviously," Emma quipped, "but I talked things out with Belle."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It was kind of rough, though, but we ended it on a good note, I think."

"Well, what did she say?" the doctor asked anxiously, glancing over quickly at her lover before turning her eyes back to the road as she pulled out of the parking lot.

"She said she wants me to leave you to be with her," Emma sighed.

"And... And what did you say?"

"Don't sound so concerned. I said that's never going to happen, of course. I also told her that even if I wasn't with you, her and I would never happen. I just don't see her that way."

Regina let out a sigh of relief, just quietly enough that Emma couldn't hear it. It felt good to hear those words, and it made her feel less threatened by the girl who was so close with her lover.

"What would you do if I asked you not to see her anymore?"

"I'd tell you to go fuck yourself, probably. I'd never let a relationship get in the way of a friendship. I'd be devastated, but anyone who makes me choose isn't worthy of my love."

The brunette smiled and said, "Good. That's what I wanted to hear. You're stronger and more independent than you think, Emma. You should be proud of yourself. You've come a long way."

"Eh," Emma groaned. "Don't start talking like my therapist again."

Regina was taken aback by this, so she said nothing until they reached her place.

"So, do you want to sit in front of the TV and pig out on ice cream, or what?" the therapist asked, sounding suddenly chipper.

Emma nodded her head enthusiastically and nearly ran to the kitchen to pull out the carton of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, the one with dark chocolate and caramel and marshmallow swirls.

"Share, Emma!" Regina cried, attempting to snatch the carton away as Emma dipped a spoon in and took a bite.

"Nope. All mine," Emma said with a grin, but Regina made another attempt and was successful in obtaining the object of her desire, sticking her own spoon in and taking an even larger bite for herself.

"Let's sit," Emma suggested, plopping down on the couch and putting her feet up on the coffee table. "Come kiss me, chocolate face."

Grinning as well, Regina hurried over and kissed the girl's lips slowly, attempting to draw out the moment as long as possible, until Emma pushed her back and made a pass at the ice cream.

"You little brat!"

"Mhmm," Emma mumbled with her mouth full, then handed the carton back to Regina.

After three or four bites, as Emma grew anxious and held her hands out, Regina said, "One bite for three kisses."

"No way, Jose!"

"You sure?" Regina taunted, waving a spoonful of ice cream in front of her face.

Emma was nearly drooling, so she leaned in and placed three half-hearted kisses on the woman's lips before taking the spoon.

"Good girl," the brunette said with a smile.

"I'm not a dog!" Emma snapped.

Regina just laughed.

"Good girl," she repeated, ruffling Emma's beautiful blonde hair.

"Don't, dammit! I'll kill you!"

"Mhmm. Sure you will."

With that, Regina set the carton on the coffee table and stuck her spoon in the ice cream, then turned back to straddle Emma's hips.

"I'm bored of ice cream," the doctor said, then seductively added, "Let's do something else."

Emma raised an eyebrow and was caught off guard when the woman passionately kissed her lips.

"Like what?" the blonde finally managed, once they pulled away from each other.

"Let's make love," the doctor suggested, sliding her hands over Emma's breasts.

Emma laughed, but when Regina unbuttoned her shirt, her eyes widened.

"Oh," she said. "You're serious."

"Of course I'm serious. I'm horny as fuck."

"Oh, really?" Emma asked with another grin. "Is that so?"

"Yes!"

"Well, maybe I just don't feel like it."

"Oh, God... Emma,  _please_."

The girl chuckled and flipped her hair out of her face, causing her lover to stare with wide eyes.

"I think not."

"You are positively  _wicked,_ Emma Swan."

"I know," Emma laughed.

There was a moment of quiet before the blonde leaned in and placed a slow kiss on the pulse point of her lover's neck, pulling a soft moan from the woman's lips.

"Did you like that?" the girl asked with a smirk.

Regina just nodded, completely out of breath.

"How about this?" Emma asked, kissing the other side of her neck a little harder.

Regina moaned, then snapped, "Don't leave marks! I have to work tomorrow!"

The blonde smiled and stroked the woman's hair, saying, "You liked it."

This caused the woman to blush and cover her face with her hands, rather like a teenager.

"So mature," Emma laughed, nudging the woman.

Regina moved her hands away and rolled her eyes.

"Shut up, Emma."

"That's funny, 'cause you seem to want me loud in the bedroom."

Again, Regina blushed.

"Will you  _please_ just fuck me? You're killing me here."

"I'm not your fuck buddy. It's not my problem if you're horny and I'm not."

"Then why are you teasing me?"

"Mostly because it's fun. Also, because it's fun."

This caused the woman to glare, crossing her arms and dismounting the girl's hips.

"Fine," the woman snapped. "Just wait until the next time  _you're_ horny. See how that goes for you."

"Don't be a bitch."

"I'm not. You are."

"You're so fucking mature."

"Hey, shut up. You're the one torturing me in my time of need."

" _Need?_ " Emma laughed, rolling her eyes. "You're gonna be fine."

But when Regina started to stand up, Emma grabbed her arm and pulled her back down.

"I'm just kidding. I'm horny too. I just like teasing you."

"Torturing is more like it."

"You're fine. Don't be a baby."

"Maybe I don't want to anymore!"

"Seriously, you're being a child."

"Fuck you," Regina snapped, shoving the girl back against the couch and crashing their lips together. When Emma kissed her back, the woman said, "I love you."

As the two began to make love, Emma moaned, "I love you too."


	30. Toys

The next morning, the doctor was woken by the shaking of the mattress and a large crashing noise.

"Hey, what the hell!" the woman cried out, rubbing her eyes before opening them.

"What's all this, hmm?" Emma asked accusingly, gesturing to the pile of items she had just dumped on the bed.

"What's what? I dont-"

Then, when the woman had finally cleared her eyes of grogginess and seen what was before her, she gasped.

"I..."

"You?"

"I..."

"Yes?"

"It's..."

"Mhmm?"

When the doctor said nothing, Emma reached down and lifted one of the items into her hand and held it out to the doctor.

"What. Is. This?" the blonde pressed, forcing herself to stifle a playful grin.

"It's a..."

"Yes?"

"I..."

"Yes?"

"It's a dildo, Emma! Jesus!" the woman cried, sitting up straight and snatching the item away forcefully.

The doctor's face was deep red as she tossed the object to the floor and averted her eyes.

"And the rest of it?"

The woman looked around the bed at the scattered items and continued to blush, but said nothing this time.

Emma took a bold step towards the bed and glared down at Regina.

"Well, young lady? What have you to say for yourself?"

"I... Um..."

"Hmm?"

"I was alone for a long time, Emma!" Regina cried, exasperated. "What did you expect?"

"I expect you," Emma said slowly, leaning over her until their faces were close together, "to share."

This, of course, made the doctor's eyes grow wide as Emma reached out to touch her. The blonde's fingertip dragged slowly down from the woman's collar bone to the cleavage of her breasts, pressing just hard enough to feel the brunette's heart racing beneath her touched.

"Are you ashamed?" the blonde asked playfully, tucking some of Regina's hair behind her ear as she gazed into her eyes.

"A little," Regina admitted, still blushing.

"Don't be. Why don't you just... show me your favorite, hmm?"

"W-What?"

"Your favorite. Show me your favorite."

Regina hesitated, but leaned over and reached for one similar to the one she'd originally been handed, except slightly larger.

"I... I guess this one..."

"Really? Why?"

Regina blushed again and looked away.

"I... I don't know. It just... It just feels good..."

"Show me."

"Huh?"

"Show me how you play with your toy, Regina," Emma explained. "I don't like to be left in the dark."

"But I-"

"Please?"

The blonde stuck out her lower lip and seductively crawled onto the doctor's lap, gently sliding her hands over the woman's breasts. Regina shivered at the touch and looked at the object in her hand.

"Now?"

"Mhmm."

Hesitantly, Regina slid her legs apart slightly and looked nervously at Emma, who was still sitting on her lap.

"But I'm not-" she began to protest.

It was then that Emma shrugged the bathrobe - Regina's - off her shoulders and let it fall behind her, leaving her naked and exposed, her nipples erect from the cold draft coming in through the open bedroom window. Before Regina could find words, Emma crawled off the woman's lap and lay next to her on her side, propped up by her elbow.

"And now?" Emma asked playfully, twirling a lock of her own hair around her finger.

Regina, mouth agape, simply stared at the girl's exposed body and felt goosebumps form all over her own. When she reached out to touch Emma, the girl slapped her hand away and shook her head. Then, Emma pointed at the item in Regina's hand and waited. Again, the doctor hesitated, but this time, she obeyed, placing the object between her legs and slowly sliding it over her most sensitive bundle of nerves. Seeing this, Emma nodded her encouragement and licked her lips. Regina repeated this movement a few times before moving the object lower and slipping it inside, and when she did, she let out an excited, involuntary gasp and squeezed her eyes shut. Emma's mouth was watering. As she pushed the object deeper, Regina collapsed against the pillows and let out a low moan. Slowly, she pumped it in an out, until her hips were gyrating and her brow was sweating. Just when she felt herself reaching orgasm, Emma's delicate hand reached out and grabbed her wrist, jerking her hand and the object away.

"I think that's enough," Emma said happily, taking the toy away as the woman's eyes shot open.

"What?!" she gasped, staring at her lover.

"We should get ready. You've gotta bring me to class in twenty minutes. Wouldn't want to have too much fun, would we?"

A grin was plastered over the blonde's full, pink lips. Regina was horrified, still shaking from the sensations she'd been making herself feel.

"Surely, you're joking," the doctor whined, eyes pleading with the girl to have mercy.

"No, not really. School's important, right?"

But Emma continued to grin as she collected the series of objects into her arms and threw them back in the cardboard box.

"But I-" Regina tried, but Emma wasn't listening.

The blonde disappeared into the hallway with the box, placing it back at the top of the closet where she'd originally found it.

"Emma!" the doctor cried after a few moments of silence.

"Yes, dear?" Emma asked slyly as she reappeared in the doorway, still completely naked.

"What about-"

"Come on, love. Time to get up!"

"You're positively  _wicked_ , you know that?"

"I know. Now, let's go, before you make me late! I'm getting in the shower."

The dark-haired woman sighed and flopped back against the pillows, shutting her eyes once more in exasperation. By the time Emma re-entered the bedroom, bathed and fully clothed, Regina was dressed too, her disposition soured by the previous encounter.

"You're horrible," she mumbled as Emma shuffled around her to grab her phone from the bedside table.

"That's what you get for keeping your secret stash from me," Emma quipped, crossing her ams and staring the woman straight in the eyes.

"I'm sorry! I just... I didn't think you'd  _care_."

"Well, then. I suppose you learned your lesson."

"Yes, ma'am," Regina sighed, pushing a frustrated hand through her own hair as she looked away.

"Good. Also, I like to watch you suffer."

"I bet," the woman grumbled, then said nothing else as she finished getting ready for the day.


	31. A Little Harder

Emma, though the victor of their previous encounter, found herself unable to tear her mind away from thoughts of the naked woman pleasuring herself. In fact, by her third class period, it became impossible to contain, and her thighs rubbed together under her desk mercilessly as she imagined the way the toy had entered her lover. Finally, when the last bell rang, she bolted from her seat and nearly ran outside to the sidewalk curb.

As soon as the woman pulled up in her Mercedes, Emma threw herself in the car and breathed, "Get me home. Now."

The doctor raised an eyebrow, but didn't question the girl. Once they were in the front door, however, she opened her mouth to speak. Before she could get the words out, though, Emma was on her in an instant, connecting their lips in a passionate kiss. At first, Regina's shoulders stiffened in surprise as she was pressed against the back of the door, but she quickly leaned into the kiss and deepened it, slipping her tongue between Emma's lips.

"What's gotten into you, hmm?" the doctor finally asked as she gently moved away.

Emma ignored her, crashing their lips together once more. Regina gave in for a while, but eventually moved away when she felt Emma's thigh slip between hers.

"Hey, are you okay? You seem kind of-"

"I'm fine. Shut up."

Again, Emma pressed their lips together until neither of them could draw breath. At last, Regina shoved her roughly and broke away.

"Regina, I'm fine," the girl protested. "Just fuck me already."

This time, her lover gave in and lifted the girl into her arms. Emma clenched her thighs as she was carried into the bedroom, wrapping her arms around the woman's neck to keep herself upright. As Regina laid her on the bed and pressed herself between her legs, Emma whimpered, loving the friction that rubbed against her core. It was only when Regina jerked her jeans and underwear down to her thighs in one go that Emma pulled away and removed her shirt as Regina did the same.

"Wait," Emma gasped, trying to catch her breath. "I want you to use a toy."

The woman's eyes widened as she stood upright and stared at her lover. The thought aroused her, of course, and at first, she found herself unable to speak. Not finding the words, she turned and left the room to retrieve the box if items from the closet. When she returned, she set it beside Emma and lifted the lid.

"Anything you choose," she said, nodding to the box.

Emma sat up slowly and leaned over, examining the items inside. When she finally pulled one out, the doctor turned bright red and resisted the urge to cover her face with her hands.

"The strap-on? Really?"

Emma nodded and began to smile, enjoying the woman's startled reaction.

"Yes."

"Have you ever used a dildo before?"

Emma shook her head and answered, "No."

"It's kind of... um... large. Maybe we should start with something-"

"No!" Emma said, nearly shouting.

"Alright. If you're sure..."

Emma nodded her head and reached out to lower the zipper to the woman's pants, pulling them down past her thighs. Regina stepped out of them gracefully and picked up the item, examining it as she held it in her hand.

"Come on, Regina," the blonde whined. "I want this."

The girl's mouth watered as she watched her lover fasten the straps of the device, then eagerly observed as the woman reached over to the nightstand and pulled out a bottle of lubricant. When she handed Emma the bottle, the girl hesitated, but put some in her hand and reached out, stroking it over the shaft of the dildo. Seeing this, Regina's knees went weak. As soon as Emma scooted backwards on the bed, the woman knelt over her and reached between her legs to feel the slickness of the toy, making sure it was covered in enough lubricant. When she was satisfied, she lowered herself between the blonde's legs, rubbing the shaft against the sensitive area between the girl's legs. She licked her lips as the blonde let out a small gasp of surprise.

"Are you ready?" Regina asked tenderly. "This might hurt a little at first."

When Emma nodded, she positioned the tip of the device at her entrance and gently pushed it in, just slightly, until Emma whimpered.

"I'm gonna do it slow to start," the woman told her.

As soon as Emma nodded again, she pushed the shaft in a little deeper and widened her eyes when the girl bit down on her lower lip.

"Does this feel good?" Regina asked, looking nervous and uncertain, her palms beginning to sweat.

"Yes... Yes. Don't stop."

"I won't, baby. I won't. Not until you come for me."

When Emma grabbed at her hips and pulled her closer, Regina let out a soft moan and shut her eyes, just for a moment, but she didn't keep them closed. She wanted to see the look on her lover's face as she pressed deeper into her. The girl whimpered in response and shut her eyes, then lifted her hips, longing to feel her deeper. As soon as Regina began to lift her own hips and pull back, Emma gasped at the movement. When she thrust back in at a painfully slow pace, she groaned.

"Regina," the girl whispered, squeezing her thighs together to grip her lover tighter as she wrapped her arms around her neck.

"Yeah, baby," the woman cooed. "I'm right here."

"A little harder, honey," Emma breathed, pushing her hips upwards, desperate for more contact.

Part of her wanted to make the girl beg, to slam into her until she screamed, but the other part of Regina knew that Emma's first time with a strap-on should be tender and slow. She obeyed, however, and increased the pressure of her thrusts, until Emma was whimpering again. After a while of slow, heavy thrusting, Emma cried out, dragging her nails down the woman's back as she ground their hips together.

"Yes," she moaned. "Regina, yes."

The woman only had to push into her a few more times before she came. As Regina slowly pulled out of her lover, she felt the girl's thighs shaking.

"Oh, God," Emma whimpered. "That was amazing."

As the woman leaned back in to kiss her forehead, the shaft of the device slid against Emma's swollen clit, making her moan softly. Not wanting to stop, Regina moved a few more times, continuing to rub her most sensitive area.

"'Gina..."

"Do you wanna go again, baby?" the woman asked, smirking down at her lover as she moved her hips again and again.

"Uh-huh."

So Regina positioned herself at Emma's entrance and slipped inside her again, causing the girl to whimper in pleasure.

"Yeah," she husked between labored breaths. "Like that."

By the time she came a second time, she was completely out of breath, but she still had the strength to pull her lover down on top of her and press their bodies together as Regina let her head fall to the girl's shoulder.

 


	32. Can't Get Enough

"Oh, shit," Emma said as she glanced at the clock. It's almost six! I've gotta be at the movie theatre at seven fifteen. And now I need to shower!"

"Why do you need to shower?" Regina giggled, tracing her finger down Emma's neck and between her breast, feeling the sweat there.

"Because you just fucked me senseless!" the blonde shouted. "Why do you think?!"

"I'm just teasing, Em!" the therapist laughed, rolling off the girl and onto her side, propping her head up with her hand. "Go get the in the shower. When you're ready, I'll bring you over, yeah?"

With a sigh, Emma slipped out of the bed and said, "Thank you. I'll be out in a minute."

Though Regina had more than had her fill of sexual escapades for the afternoon, the thought of Emma naked, in the shower, with steaming hot water pouring over her, made the heat in her blood intensify. Lying back against the pillows with her eyes shut, the brunette sighed and tried to shake the thoughts from her mind. Then, suddenly, she realized... she was sweaty too, which meant that she also would need a shower before she would be fit to be seen in public. (Not to mention the sex hair.) This, of course, was the perfect excuse to slip into the bathroom and quietly close the door behind her.

Hoping that her next move would surprise but not startle the girl, Regina pulled back the shower curtain just enough to step inside. Emma did jump, though, just slightly, when she felt the woman's hands on her back.

"Can I help?" Regina asked softly, her voice smooth and seductive.

"Oh, no you don't," the blonde scolded her. "We do  _not_ have time for this. I have to-"

But Regina had turned her around and connected their mouths until their tongues were moving hungrily together. Though her head was telling her to pull away, Emma's hormones were having a severe disagreement, and they were the ones that won out against logic. As soon as she felt the shock of arousal pulse between her legs, the blonde turned and pressed herself against the wall, bracing herself with one hand and using the other to reach back and pull her lover closer.

The woman was receptive to the invitation and was capable of taking an obvious hint (especially when it was overtly sexual).

"I can't believe you're already ready to go again," Regina husked in Emma's ear as she slid her fingers between Emma's legs and began to rub the girl's clit.

" _Fuck_ , Regina," the blonde moaned. "Just shut the fuck up."

Of course, the brunette had to choke back the laughter at this, knowing that the outburst meant that she'd won, and that Emma had found herself unable to resist the temptation. This only served to further arouse her as she pushed her fingertips between her lover's folds and buried them in Emma's heat.

"Fuck!" Emma cried out. "Jesus Christ."

"God's not here right now, thankfully. Would you like to leave a message?" Regina replied, this time allowing herself to let out a light, bright laugh, without stopping her movements as she pressed herself against the girl's wet back.

"Shut  _up,_ Regina!" Emma screamed, slamming her fist against the wall of the shower. "And fucking do it harder. This needs to be-" She was cut off by the bolt of sensation as Regina swiftly removed her fingers and thrust them back in, the movement hard and strong, but she gasped and completed the thought with, "-quick.  _Fuck!_ "

Which was all it took to finish the blonde off, and the feeling of Emma's walls contracting stoked the fire between Regina's own legs. As soon as the girl turned around, the brunette grabbed the blonde's hand and guided it to her own clit, where she pushed her lover's palm against it. Given that Emma also knew how to take a hint (especially when it was overtly sexual), she caught on quickly and rubbed her palm against the woman's clit and slid the tips of her fingers back and forth between her soaking folds.

"Emma, please," Regina whimpered, nearly stumbling into her as she pressed their bodies closer together until their breasts were touching.

The brunette's arm went around Emma's back to grope her ass, which served to bring a sly smile to the girl's lips.

"Can't get enough, can you?" the girl teased. "I figured you'd join me. I just didn't know how long you'd last out there all by yourself."

"Not... Ah! Fuck!" she cried out, as Emma pushed her fingers inside. "Not very-" Regina paused to let out a low, satisfied moan "-very long."

"Mhmm. That's right. And don't think I'll forget that the next time you desperately want to get fucked."

Regina, too distracted by the waves of pleasure to respond or even process the statement, squeezed the girl's ass again, this time digging her nails into the skin there. Emma let out a little cry of surprise, but didn't protest in the least. Instead, she pressed her palm harder against the woman's clit and kept moving her fingers until her lover came for her. Without missing a beat or giving the brunette a moment to cool down, she grabbed the soap and immediately rubbed Regina's body with it, only pausing when she reached the woman's nipples. There, she pinched lightly, earning a gasp from her panting lover, then pushed the woman under the shower head with a sly grin.

Figuring that Regina could rinse herself, she then started scrubbing her own body with the soap, leaving her lover slightly aghast at how quickly their encounter had ended.

"What?" Emma finally snapped. "I was serious! I'm not gonna fucking be late. I let you come, now let's fucking  _go_ already! Jesus, slowpoke! If I waited for you, we'd be here all night!"

With that, the blonde slapped the woman's ass, and then, seeing that the woman was completely clean and rinsed, gently pushed her out of the shower, giving herself more space to finish her own bathing ritual.

When Regina just stood there gaping at her, she shouted, "Shoo!" and tried not to laugh as her lover quickly grabbed a towel and hurried out of the bathroom.

By the time they had both showered and dressed, they had  _exactly_ enough time to reach the movie theatre by seven fifteen, as the girl had agreed on with her friend. When Regina pulled up by the curb in front of the building and leaned in to kiss her, Emma stopped her with a hand pressed against her chest.

Having seen Belle waiting on the sidewalk, she said, "Not here, okay? I don't want to rub it in her face."

"What? Seriously? You want to just pretend that-"

"Look, I don't have time for this, alright? I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Wait, what? I thought you were coming over after."

"No. Foster mom is picking me up and bringing us home."

"Oh. Alright, well... Okay, I guess."

"Oh, come on, Regina! Don't sound so fucking sad about it. I'm with you all the time."

"You're at school all the time, Emma. Not with me."

"You're really going to do this  _now?_ " the blonde snapped, getting out of the car, then turning back to look at her lover. "I'll see you tomorrow."

With a sigh, Regina nodded her head and said, "I love you, Emma. Have a good night."

What she wanted to say was, 'Please call me when you get home,' but she refrained, not wanting to sound in the least bit pathetic or weak, given her lover's current attitude and previous comments.

The blonde just nodded her head and turned to join her friend on the sidewalk.


	33. Scared

"Hey," Belle greeted her friend shyly, scraping at the concrete beneath her feet with the toe of her shoe as she looked down.

"What's the matter?"

"I just miss you. I miss when we were together almost every night."

"Hey, look... I know I've been spending a lot of time with Regina, but I still care about you. It's not that I don't want to be around you. I just don't want to be around  _them_ , you know? My foster family."

"They're not so bad."

"Yeah, whatever. Just wait."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," Emma started, "that they're doing it for the money, and it's obvious. It was really nice of them to let you move in with me, but that's basically the only nice thing they've ever really done for me. When I was in the hospital, they barely gave a shit, and-"

"I should have been there," the brunette interjected suddenly, looking up into her friend's eyes.

"Belle," the girl sighed. "It's really okay. I just..."

"It's not okay. I should have been there with you. More than that, I shouldn't have said those horrible things to make you want to... to..."

"None of that was your fault," the blonde cut in sharply. "It was my choice, okay? My fuck-up."

"You didn't fuck up! You just..."

"I did. I almost took myself away from the two people I love most."

"What...?"

"You and Regina. She might be my girlfriend, Belle, but you're the best friend I've ever had."

"Emma..."

"I know 'friends' isn't what you're looking for. I get that. But it's all I can give you. And that friendship means the world to me."

"Oh, Em," Belle sighed, wrapping her arms around Emma's neck and holding her tightly. "You're so wonderful."

"Nah," the blonde laughed. "I just fake it real well."

The brunette laughed, "Oh, shut up," before taking her friend's hand and pulling her into the building.

They found their seats, right in the middle of the theatre and chatted about school as they waited for the movie to start.

"So... We haven't studied together for a while..." Belle said slowly.

"Yeah, I know. Things have just been-"

"How are you doing? I mean, are you getting your work done? I know you're really busy, but if you need help, you should ask me for it. You know I'm more than happy to go over anything you're struggling with."

"You're too good to me, Belle," Emma sighed with a smile, ruffling the girl's hair.

"Hey!" she snapped, swatting the blonde's hand away. "Don't mess up my hair! That took hours!"

"Oh, my God.  _Why_ would you  _ever_ spend  _hours_ on your  _hair?!"_

"I... I wanted to look nice for you, you know? I mean... Shit."

"Belle..."

"Can we please forget I said that?"

"Belle."

"Please?"

"You always look nice."

There was an awkward silence before the lights dimmed, interrupting their conversation and signaling that the opening credits of the movie were about to start. They'd agreed on a horror flick, and they made it through half of the movie before, finally, at the signature 'boo' moment, they both jumped and grabbed each other's hand.

"Shit," Belle swore. "That was-"

"Fuck this movie," Emma said suddenly, staring at the screen as one character faced off with a gigantic tarantula.

"Fuck!" the girl replied in agreement, seeing what Emma was referring to. "You wanna go?"

"No, no. It's cool. Just... Just tell me when the spider's gone, yeah?"

Emma covered her eyes with her free hand as the other girl continued to watch the scene. Normally, she would have been the one with her eyes shut, but this time... she was protecting someone she loved. Belle kept her eyes open to keep Emma from experiencing one of her worst fears as she faced one of her own. When the scene was finally over, and the spider was gone, the brunette nudged her friend, signaling for her to uncover her eyes. A few more 'boo' moments kept them on their toes throughout the movie, until the very end, when the film went out with a corny yet surprisingly horrifying end, leaving them both shaken and frozen in their seats as the lights came back up while the end credits rolled.

"That was a trip," Emma finally laughed, standing up and grabbing her bag.

"Yep. That... is definitely going to keep me awake tonight."

The blonde nodded as she followed her friend out of the theatre and back out onto the sidewalk where they waited for her foster mother's car to appear. Not to Emma's surprise, the woman was twenty minutes late to pick them up, but the two didn't seem to mind. They continued their conversation while they waited and simply enjoyed each other's company. Emma couldn't deny that, despite the small amount of bad blood that had built up between them, it was wonderful to be spending time with her friend again.

Back at the house, though, as soon as the lights went off and they each shut their eyes while lying in bed, there was a dark, heavy silence. Only the sound of footsteps, creaky floor boards, and each other's breathing made it to their ears.

Finally, Belle said, "Dude. That shit fucked me up."

"Gosh, potty mouth. Guess I'm rubbing off on you, huh?"

"Oh, shut up. Besides, I'm being serious. That was kind of... terrifying. The way that guy just-"

"Hey," Emma cut in. "Don't think about it, okay? Go to your happy place and ponder or process the movie tomorrow when it's daylight."

"Easier said than done."

"Why?"

"Because I'm already in my happy place, but I'm still scared."

"I... Yeah. I don't get it. Sorry. What?"

"Forget it."

"But, Belle, I-"

"Drop it. It's fine."

A little startled by the girl's reaction and not wanting to make it worse, Emma went quiet and shut her eyes again. Belle, though, found herself unable to close her eyes. Instead, she visually searched the dark room for monsters and serial killers and psycho aliens. Finding none but not completely convinced of their absence, she turned her head and looked at Emma.

She was about to ask, 'Are you awake?' but decided to refrain, just in case, not wanting to wake the girl with her words. She looked peaceful. Gorgeous, really. Stunning. Belle quickly shook her head, hoping the thoughts would leave, but they did not. They remained stuck in the front of her mind, mixed in with the ones inspired by the horror film she'd seen that night. Now, though, what she saw was the soft shine of Emma's lips in the moonlight.

"You okay?" the blonde asked softly, eyes still shut as she reached out and squeezed the girl's hand.

Belle almost gasped, having thought the girl was asleep, and swallowed hard, then managed to answer, "It's... It's stupid but... I'm... I'm still kind of scared. As old as I am, I shouldn't be scared of anything, but that-"

"It's okay, hun," Emma yawned, rubbing her eyes with the back of one hand as she let go of Belle's with her other and wrapped her arm around the girl's shoulders, pulling her against her side. "I got you."

She could sense that something was wrong, and that Belle was still awake, even without opening her eyes. Perhaps it was something in the girl's breathing that tipped her off. Perhaps it was just instinct. Either way, Emma could tell.

Heart pounding, as though counting down to something horrible, Belle leaned in and pressed her lips against the girl's cheek. The blonde's eyes opened instantly. It wasn't as though they'd never kissed each other's cheeks before. They were good friends. It was normal for them to be affectionate. But something was different. Emma shifted awkwardly, saying nothing, until the hand of her closest friend reached up to touch her face, rubbing her cheek with a gentle thumb.

When Emma's lips parted, Belle's breath caught in her chest. As soon as she felt the girl's weight shift while leaning in, the blonde's breath caught too. Before Belle could get closer, though, Emma placed her hand firmly against the front of her friend's shoulder.

"I know what you're thinking, Belle... I know what this feels like..." Emma said softly, still putting pressure on the girl's shoulder. "But don't. Don't do it."

"Emma, I..."

" _Please_ , Belle. Don't do this. Don't ruin our friendship over a stupid little crush that's going to go away."

"It's not a crush!" Belle cried, sitting up in bed as tears flooded her eyes.

"Belle-"

"I'm in love with you!"

"You're not," the blonde sighed. "I promise you're not. I  _promise_ these feelings will go away. Just... trust me, honey. Believe me. Don't throw away our friendship over this."

"I don't want to lose you," her friend sniffled, wiping her eyes. "But more importantly, I don't want to push myself on you and hurt you in the process. I'm... I'm not this person... I'm not this person that doesn't seem to understand the word 'no.' I wish you could believe me when I say that, but I know my actions tell a very different story, and I'm really sorry for that. I just... I wasn't... I wasn't thinking, when I... I was just feeling."

"I'm not upset with you, Belle. You stopped. But you have to understand that if you keep pushing these boundaries, or if you cross a line, I'm not going to be able to spend time with you anymore. Firstly, because you know that's not how I see you and that I don't want a romantic relationship with you. Secondly, because I'm  _in_ a romantic relationship with someone else."

"I know... I know. I just... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Emma..."

"I don't want to lose you either. If Regina ever made me choose between being with her and being your friend - which she never would - I'd choose being your friend."

"What? But why?"

"Because - and I already told her this - anyone who makes me choose isn't worth my time, and because you mean the world to me."

"I love you, Em. No matter what, even if you ever did magically change your mind about your feelings for me, we're friends first, before anything else."

"Of course we are. I promise."

"Me too."

Both wearing small, tired smiles, the two fell asleep beside each other, just holding hands and feeling happy for each other's company and friendship.


	34. Nothing Happened

By the morning, Emma had forgotten her small quarrel with Regina. Well, at least... she'd forgotten the feeling of being upset, not forgotten that it had happened. That being the case, she stepped out of the house onto the porch, still wearing her pajama shorts and T-shirt, and dialed her girlfriend's number.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out instantly, as soon as she heard the click of the other line answering the call. "I was a bitch. I should have kissed you goodbye."

"No, you were right," Regina sighed into the receiver. "You shouldn't rub it in her face."

"What?"

"You were right."

"But, I-"

"No, Em. You were honestly right and I shouldn't have gotten all mopey and upset over nothing. I should know better. I should just trust you that nothing's going to happen between you. It's just hard, because I-"

"Regina..."

"What?"

"I... I need to tell you something."

"Emma... What? What is it? N-Nothing... I mean... Nothing happened... Did it?"

"No! I mean... She..."

"Emma?"

"She almost kissed me last night."

"Well... Why didn't she?"

"Because I stopped her."

"You knew she was going to kiss you?"

"She was leaning in and had that look in her eyes. You know... like when we first kissed."

"I..."

"I stopped her, and we talked it out. She wasn't trying to push me, or to disrespect our relationship. She was acting on impulsive feelings, and she apologized. She was worked up after the movie anyway. It kinda freaked us both out."

"That scary, huh? Must've been good."

"Actually, it was pretty corny, but... there were some parts that got to me."

"Yeah?"

"There were spiders."

"I hate spiders," Regina replied.

Emma could immediately hear the smile in her voice, and said, "I can't tell if you're smiling because you understand or because you're making fun of me."

"I understand. I really do hate them."

They both laughed at this, then Emma said, "I gotta go. I'm gonna grab some breakfast. I'll see you tonight, okay?"

"Listen... I know it's too soon now, but when the time's right... invite Belle over for dinner, okay? Just... when the moment happens, you'll know... and I just want you to make the offer."

"Maybe it would be better if  _you_ made the offer."

"When the hell am I going to have a chance to do that?"

"I could give you her number."

"I'm not calling her. That's way too awkward and it would put her on the spot and make her uncomfortable, which is the last thing I want. I may not like the shit she pulled before, and I definitely don't like the blurred boundaries she seems to have - or not have - but I care about you, and I care about your friendship with her. She's a part of your life, and since I plan on keeping you in mine, I figure the two of us should at least be civil to each other, for your sake. I mean... It's not like you have someone else lined up to be the Maid of Honor at the wedding, right?"

There was complete silence on the other end of the line as Emma replayed the words in her head.  _Wedding. Maid of Honor. Wedding. Maid of- Wait, what?_ Emma blinked a few times to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

"Emma?"

"Uh... Yeah. I mean, no! No, I don't. I just... I wasn't..."

"Ah. I probably should have asked if you even wanted to get married, ever. I guess it sort of never occurred to me for some reason..."

"I'm not really the marrying type..." Emma replied slowly, biting down hard on her lower lip once the words were out.

_Nice, Swan. Nice. Way to shoot yourself in the foot there, buddy._

As the blonde sat on her porch blushing, Regina sat on her couch with her legs crossed, trying to stay composed.

"As I recall, you weren't the commitment type either, when we met. Yet... Here we are."

"I..."

"I'm just teasing," the brunette replied cooly, but her lover could tell that she wasn't quite joking; she just didn't want to push the issue.

"Let's, um... Let's..."

"Talk about this later."

"Or, like, never."

"Jeez... I'm sorry. If I'd realized you were going to react that way, I wouldn't have-"

"No, it's... It's not that," Emma told her slowly. "I... I'm embarrassed. It scares me, talking about the future. In any context really."

"Oh. Oh! Gosh, Emma. I wish you'd just said  _that_ instead of letting me think-"

"Babe, it's... I mean... Anyone would be crazy not to marry you. I just... have... issues..."

"Issues we can work through together, Em... If you want to."

"Listen, I really gotta go, okay? I'm starving and I-"

"You're trying to avoid this conversation, and that's okay. We don't have to talk about this, ever, if you don't want to."

"I love you, Gina. I'll see you tonight, okay?"

"Okay, babe. I love you too."

Emma returned to her bedroom to find Belle deep in a nightmare, tossing and turning on the bed with her brow furrowed. She woke the girl gently by lightly shaking her shoulders and smiled at her when she opened her eyes.

"Good morning, sweetheart. You were just having a nightmare."

Stirred awake with a gasp, Belle roughly gripped her friend's arm as she shot up in bed.

"Whoa, buddy," Emma said softly. "You're alright."

With a sigh, the girl collapsed back on the bed and shut her eyes, saying, "Man, that sucked."

"Nightmares about the movie?"

"No," the brunette sighed. "About me fucking up and ruining our friendship."

"You love me, right? We're friends?" When her friend nodded in response, Emma added, "Then you won't."

After a long, heartfelt embrace, the two got ready for school.

"How's my hair?" Belle asked, after thirty minutes of messing with it in the mirror on the back of Emma's door.

"Looks great, hun," Emma laughed. "You worry too much."

"Yeah, well, how else am I gonna pick up chicks?"

"Your great personality? Wonderful intellect? Brilliant eyes? Any of your enviable traits. But you don't need to try to attract chicks, anyway. Let the chicks come to you on their own, because they will."

"Certainly doesn't feel like it."

"You'll find the right lady when it's time, hun. Just be you and let it happen."

Offering up a small smile, Belle hugged her friend once more then proceeded to finish applying her makeup while Emma gathered her books for class.


	35. Unexpected Introductions

That afternoon, when the school bell rang, Emma immediately pulled her cell phone out of her bag and dialed her lover's number.

"Hey, babe," she said. "What are you doin'?"

"Not a lot. I'm about to go to the cafe and grab a coffee. Do you want me to come get you, and we can go together?"

"Nah. That's okay, honey. I should really get home and do my homework. Belle yelled at me before class 'cause I forgot to do last night's reading."

Emma chuckled, but Regina remained serious and stone-faced as she replied, "Young lady, that's completely unacceptable."

"Oh, come on, Gina. I forgot! It's no big deal. I've got a B in the class right now anyway, so it doesn't really matter if I missed one homework assignment. I've been doing everything else on time."

"I was just teasing, love. I know you're doing your work."

"Good, 'cause it's definitely not easy. It's not fair that a junior is smarter than me."

"She's not smarter than you. She's better at studying. It comes more naturally to her than it does you, and there's nothing wrong with that."

"Yeah... Anyway, I'm gonna go, 'cause Belle's off doing something downtown, and I'll have the peace and quiet to study on my own for a while. I love you, baby. I'm really sorry things have been sort of rough lately. I really don't mean to start shit. I guess I'm just stressed out. I shouldn't take it out on you."

"That's... That's really okay, dear..."

"What? What's the matter?"

"N-Nothing... I'm just... I'm surprised to hear you saying that."

"Why? Because I don't know how to apologize?"

"No! No, that's not what I meant. I just... I felt like it was my fault."

"It wasn't. It's been me this whole time, and I'm realizing that now. I'm sorry, babe."

"It's really okay, darling. I'm gonna let you go study now. Be good, okay? Stay out of trouble for me."

"Fat chance. I walk on the wild side."

"Oh, my God, Emma. Shut up," the doctor laughed. "You're ridiculous."

"You're ridiculous for loving me."

"Hush! Go do your goddam homework, would you?"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," Emma joked with a smile. "Bye, baby. I'll talk to you later. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart. Have a good night, if we don't chat again before you sleep."

"You too."

Regina felt good about their conversation. She felt good about the fact that Emma was willing to apologize, and the realization that the arguments were not all her fault came as a relief. What was more important was the fact that they were okay. They weren't fighting anymore. She felt silly for her previous jealousy, and as she thought back on their earlier conversation, she was grateful for Emma's honesty about the situation with Belle. She'd handled it with a level of maturity that few her age possessed.

As the doctor thought back on their time in therapy, she had mixed feelings. On the one hand, she still wore the guilt of being in a sexual and romantic relationship with a former patient. On the other hand, Emma's progress was unmistakable. From the self-injuring girl of low self-esteem, she'd become an independent woman capable of expressing her thoughts and emotions.

As she walked into the coffee shop, she thought of all the ways Emma had changed, which quickly turned into all the ways that she herself had changed. Insecurities flooded in as she wondered,  _Was I really even a good therapist to Emma to begin with? What if this relationship is just hurting her? She's doing better, but what if... What if she'd be better off with-_

But as she made a move to step up to the counter, she saw a young, beautiful brunette in the corner of the shop, who was clearly crying. The figure was unmistakable.

 _Oh, shit,_ she was thinking, frozen in her tracks.  _What the fuck do I do? Do I say something? Do I leave? Should I text Emma?_ She decided on speaking, against her gut instinct to flee and not deal with the situation. The girl was obviously distressed, and even though she wasn't exactly Regina's favorite person in the world, she was a human being, and that meant that the therapist cared deeply for her welfare. Besides, the girl meant the world to Emma, and that was what mattered most.

As she approached the young woman at the table, her palms began to sweat and her mouth began to dry, but she still managed a greeting anyway, even though her voice shook as she spoke.

"Hey, Belle..." she started, knowing the girl would recognize her immediately, even though they'd never spoken without Emma being around. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"


	36. Packing Up

"Oh, shit," the girl sniffled. "Regina, I... I was..."

"It's quite alright, dear. May I sit?" Regina asked cautiously, gesturing to the seat across from the other brunette.

"I... Of course you can sit," Belle told her softly, wiping her eyes with a napkin.

So the doctor sat down carefully and looked across at the crying girl, asking once more, "Are you okay?"

"I'm... I'm fine... I was just..."

"Belle," Regina said, her voice slow and gentle. "What's going on?"

"It's n-nothing. I... It's nothing. Anyway, how are you?"

"Really, sweetheart. It's okay. You can tell me. I know we've never really spoken without Emma before, but I'm not the type to judge. I'm sure Emma's told you that."

"She... She has. But-"

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay too. But it's okay to cry and get upset, and it's okay to share with me, if you want to."

With some hesitation, Belle explained, "My... My parents told me that if I didn't come by and pick up the rest of my stuff before tonight, they were going to throw it out. They left it all on the curb with the trash, because they don't want me in the house anymore."

"Oh, God... That's horrible. I'm so sorry."

"I haven't told Em yet."

"You should tell her. I'm sure she'd want to go over with you and help you pack it all up."

"I don't want to stress her out with my bullshit, you know? She's got her own stuff to deal with, and I'm just-"

"What about... What about if I went with you?"

"W-What?"

"How much stuff is there?"

"It's... It's not much, honestly. They're keeping all the furniture. It's mostly books and some other personal items like clothing and some sentimental trinkets."

"I'd be willing to follow you over in my car, if you want, and take anything that won't fit in yours."

"Regina, that's... You really don't have to do that..."

"It's alright, hun. I'm happy to help, if you're really not comfortable getting Emma involved."

"I... That would be wonderful, actually. Thank you so much. I really don't know how to-"

"Don't mention it. Really. Let's have some coffee and then go, alright? My treat."

"Regina, please. You don't have to-"

"What would you like?"

"I... Just... I guess, if you really insist, just a French Vanilla coffee with cream and sugar?"

"I insist," the therapist said with a smile, finally starting to relax.

One-on-one interactions were her specialty, and now that she was sure Belle wasn't going to slap her or scream at her, she felt a lot more comfortable talking to the girl. By the time she returned with the coffees, Belle had finished crying, and her eyes were dry (but still slightly red). As she sat down at the table, Regina reached across and gently placed her hand on top of the brunette's, offering a warm, encouraging smile.

"It'll be alright, dear. If they don't love you for who you are, you don't need them."

"Doesn't make it hurt less."

"No, it doesn't. My mother doesn't... She doesn't approve of my relationship, so I understand some of what that's like. Then again, I can understand why she doesn't. Or why anyone wouldn't. Or... why you wouldn't..."

"Regina, I..."

"No, it's okay. I get it. I do. I don't blame you. And I'm sorry things have to be the way they are. I know you're hurting in more ways than one right now. Just... Just know that Emma loves you, okay? There will never come a time when she doesn't. You're her best friend."

"Yeah... I guess so. At any rate, I'm starting to warm up to the fact that she's happy with you, honestly. It's hard for me, but it's starting to click. When I met her, she was... She was in rough shape. But now that she's been with you for quite some time... Now that your relationship has really blossomed and gotten serious... She seems so much better."

"I hope you're right about that."

"I am. You're everything to her."

"And so are you."

With a sigh, Belle took a sip of her coffee. Regina mirrored the action a few times, quietly taking in the brunette's demeanor as they both started to calm their nerves.

Finally, Belle said, "It's a little strange talking to you without Emma around."

"It is a bit strange, but... it's not... uncomfortable..."

"No. You're right. It's not."

"I thought it would be. When I imagined us speaking after what happened between you two the other night, I assumed you'd be bitter or angry."

"I'm not, though. I just want Emma to be happy."

"Which is what I want too. I guess we've got some common ground then."

Regina offered another warm smile and earned one from Belle in return. They began to talk about school, studying, and Belle's career aspirations, until they'd each finished their beverages.

"You ready to go?" the older brunette asked.

When Belle nodded slowly, the doctor rose from the table and waited for the girl to join her. They left together and went out to their cars, which were coincidentally parked right next to each other.

"I'll follow you," Regina told the girl. "Just relax, alright? You don't need 'em. We'll get your stuff and get the fuck out."

With a weak nod, Belle got in her car and started the engine. The therapist followed her all the way to her parents' place, then parked her car behind the girl's on the curb. Luckily, there were no other cars in the driveway. To Belle's surprise, everything that was left out by the trash cans - far less than she'd expected - all fit in her car. When they were done loading everything into the back seat, the girl began to cry again. As soon as the tears began to fall, she covered her face in her hands.

"Hey," Regina said softly, stepping closer and putting a comforting hand on Belle's shoulder. "It's alright. It's gonna be fine. You've gotta Emma to support you. Family is whoever you make it, okay? You don't need people like your parents in your life. You'll be better off without their negativity and neglect." Belle sighed and nodded, but didn't look sure, so the older brunette continued, "You want me to follow you back to the house?"

"No, it's okay," the younger girl sighed. "I'll be alright. I just need... I just need to relax for a while."

"Alright. Um, listen... Belle... I was thinking..."

"Yeah?"

"Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow? I have way too much chicken in the fridge and I was thinking of making something with it for dinner to get it all cooked. I'd also love to spend some more time with you, and I think Emma would be really excited to hang out with us both together again. I know she's really been wanting that for a while... If you're comfortable with that, I mean. Obviously, I wouldn't be offended if you declined, but I-"

"I'd love to, Regina," Belle said, wiping her tears with a small smile. "Thank you so much."

"Don't tell Emma, yeah? We'll surprise her. Show up around six?"

"Sounds good. Thanks again. I really appreciate that you're not super pissed at me. I would be, if I were you."

"No. I completely understand. To be honest, I was jealous for a while... but it was really immature, and I'm trying hard to get over it. You're a lovely girl, though, so that makes it a lot easier."

"Thank you... I..."

"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

The two shared a smile as the younger girl nodded her head and got back in her car before driving away.


	37. Company

As soon as Regina got home, she had second thoughts about not telling Emma about her dinner plans for the following evening. What if Belle told her first, and then Emma got pissed because  _she_ didn't say anything? But she'd told the girl not to tell, so she couldn't exactly change her mind and spill the beans. With a sigh, the doctor sat down on her couch and rubbed her temples. Was this even a good idea? But she was committed, and Emma was right. It was important for her and Belle to mend their relationship if they were both going to remain in Emma's life.

"It's going to be fine," she told herself firmly, lifting her head and staring at the unpowered TV screen. "It'll be fine."

When it came time to pick Emma up from school the next day, Regina's palms were sweating as they gripped the steering wheel. When Emma got in the car, she could tell her lover was nervous, picking up on her anxious demeanor immediately.

"Babe? What's the matter? Are you okay?"

"Fine, love," the doctor said quickly, looking over at Emma. "I'm fine."

"Alright... If you're sure..." the blonde said hesitantly, biting her lip.

The afternoon went on as usual, with each of them asking about the other's day and discussing the small events that had taken place. Eventually, Regina's nerves calmed, but by the time six o'clock rolled around, her palms were sweating again. The knock at the door came shortly after that, and even though the doctor was expecting the company, the noise still startled her.

"Your mom?" Emma questioned, looking at the door as her lover rose to her feet.

"No, dear," Regina replied. "Someone far more pleasant."

"But-"

Emma was unable to get another word out before Regina made her way over to the door and opened it.

"Hi, Belle," she said with a smile. "Please, come on in."

Emma, who had just stood up to see who was at the door, stared at the two of them as Belle stepped inside.

"Belle?" she asked, looking confused.

They both nodded their heads in confirmation.

"I invited your friend for dinner, sweetheart," Regina explained. "I hope that's okay?"

"I... That's... It's wonderful, honey. I just... Why didn't you tell me?"

The two brunettes shared a look before the younger one cut in, saying, "We wanted to surprise you. Are you surprised?"

"Very," Emma laughed. "I didn't think you guys would ever really talk again."

"Actually..." Belle said slowly. "We had quite a good talk. In any case, I'm very glad and flattered to have been invited to dinner, and I appreciate that invitation."

"You're more than welcome here, dear," Regina told her sincerely. "I harbor no ill will against you. My jealous and uncomfortable feelings stemmed from my own insecurity, not a true dislike of you."

This earned a bright smile from the younger brunette as she replied, "The same goes for you. I envy what you have, but I don't dislike you in the least."

"So what are we having?" Emma asked, after a pause.

"I've got quite a bit of chicken I'd like to cook, so that's what I was planning," Regina answered.

"That sounds great, babe," the blonde said, kissing the woman's cheek very quickly.

Regina appreciated the gesture of affection, and Belle appreciated the fact that it was short.

Emma and her friend sat together on the couch, laughing at whatever was on the television while Regina prepared dinner in the kitchen, until finally, Emma grabbed the remote, turned down the volume, and looked directly into Belle's eyes.

"Why did you decide to come?"

"She asked me to."

"But why did you say yes?"

"Because I love you, Emma. You're my best friend, and if you love her that much, and if she's going to be such a big part of your life, I want to get along with her and have a healthy relationship with her, for your sake. But also for mine. She's not a bad person. I've just been incredibly jealous."

"I can understand that, and I'm  _really_ glad you're here."

"I'm glad I'm here too."

"Hey, guys!" Regina called from the kitchen, cutting their conversation short. "Dinner's ready! Go wash up!"

After thoroughly cleaning their hands, as instructed, the girls met Regina in the dining room and sat down at the table.

"Oh, my God, babe," Emma gasped. "It looks  _amazing._ "

"Hopefully it is amazing," the doctor teased. "But I guess we'll see."

"I'm sure it will be."

So the three of them dug into the meal and ate quietly for some time, after Belle and Emma had complimented Regina on her cooking numerous times.

Eventually, Belle spoke up and said, "I never thought we'd be hanging out again, after everything that's happened between all of us."

"Honestly, my reluctance to be near you was childish," the therapist sighed. "The whole thing was childish. Being jealous of you was childish. Being upset with you was childish. I was childish. It's really embarrassing, to tell you the truth..."

Emma watched in surprise as her friend smiled at her lover and said, "My jealousy was pretty childish too. I've just never felt so strongly for anyone before, and it's really hard to cope with that, when Emma and I are so close and such good friends. It's difficult to see her so happy with you, but that's stupid, and I'm trying to get over that. What I  _truly_  want is for her to be happy, even if it's with someone else."

"It takes time to get over, I think," Regina told her. "I've never been in your exact position, but I can certainly tell you that I've spent a lot of time with people who have, and I understand just how painful that can be, but from what I've understood from the experience of others, it does get easier."

"I'm sure you're right," Belle sighed. "I just wish these feelings would hurry up and go away, you know?"

"I just want you to be comfortable around me, Belle. I don't want there to be tension between us."

"I think you guys are more alike than you think," Emma chimed in, looking back and forth between the two. "You're both caring and smart and loyal, and those are all the things I could ever want in a friend or a lover. I'm blessed to have you both in my life."

They both paused, considering Emma's careful choice of words, before the girl's friend asked, "Em... Do you believe in God?"

This caught the blonde off guard as she realized the gravity of what she'd said, having used the word 'blessed.' Her face grew warm as she contemplated her response as she tried to decide on how to explain what her complicated opinions on the matter were.

"I guess I'm not sure. Given all the things that have happened to me, I'm really torn. Part of me wants to know how a god could allow horrible things to happen to such good people. Death, torture, murder, rape..." She trailed off for a few moments before continuing, "The other part of me recognizes all the wonderful things that I have. Namely, you two. And for that, I'm truly grateful to whoever is responsible. I think it's too wonderful to be a coincidence. You've both helped me to move on from so much..."

"I think bad things happen to everyone," Belle shared. "If there is a God, I don't think bad things happen because he or she wants them to. I think it's just a part of life. Besides, most bad things happen due to the choices of other people. That doesn't really explain natural disasters and illness, but I don't believe that everything can be perfect. I just feel like all the blessings in the world, even just the simple beauty of the struggle of life, are - like you said - too good to be a coincidence. I think that's where God comes in. I think he or she adds the beauty that the world would be missing if left to its own devices. I think he or she puts the good things in the world to get us through the inevitable bad things that plague the word."

Emma nodded her head in understanding, then looked to her girlfriend to gauge her reaction.

"Regina?" she asked, noticing the uncomfortable demeanor that the woman was displaying as her posture stiffened and her facial expression became somewhat anxious. "You okay?"

"Fine, dear," the woman replied, taking a bite of her meal.

"What do you think?" Belle asked carefully, her voice gentle rather than pressured. "Do you believe in God?"

"No," Regina said shortly, taking in another mouthful of food.

"Why?" Emma pressed. "I mean... not that it's bad that you don't! I just... I meant... What makes you sure?"

"I'm not sure," the woman answered. "I choose not to believe."

The doctor's lover wanted to ask 'why?' again but refrained from doing so. She exchanged looks with her friend, who felt the same way. After a long pause where Regina could tell the two were incredibly curious for an explanation and that they were tempted to press for more answers, the woman finally offered an explanation.

"I can't believe - I  _won't_ believe - that a god who allows an eight year old to be raped, or a twelve year old to be beaten half to death by their foster parents could possibly be good. That being the case, I'd prefer to believe that one doesn't exist, rather than believe that the one that exists is not a good god, but a neglectful, uncaring, unmerciful, unjust, vindictive one."

Both girls stared at her, soaking in what she'd said, and suddenly began to feel guilty for their curiosity. They were glad they hadn't been the ones to ask for the explanation, but still felt badly that the woman had felt the need to offer one.

"I'm sorry," Belle muttered. "I really should never have brought that up. Ever."

"It's a perfectly reasonable question," Regina told her, shrugging her shoulders as she pushed her plate away.

"Not really. Not for a light, casual conversation at the dinner table."

"I don't mind being asked. I just... I'm uncomfortable with the subject because most people disagree with my pessimistic outlook."

"I can completely understand where you're coming from," her lover told her sincerely. "That's why I'm torn. I don't really know what to believe. Either way, I'm incredibly lucky to have you both, and I couldn't possibly treasure you more."

This brought a small smile to the brunettes' faces as they looked at Emma, grateful for her words.

The rest of the dinner conversation was far more casual and light-hearted and included quite a few laughs from all of them. To Regina's surprise, it was far less awkward than she'd expected it to be, and she was relieved that Belle made no criticisms of their relationship or digs at her or her occupation. In fact, they got along far better than the doctor ever could have imagined, and it made her regret her previous feelings toward the girl.

By the time Belle prepared to leave, their relationship was mended enough for the girl to offer a quick hug, which Regina accepted warmly as her lover watched with a broad smile.

"Love you," Emma told her friend as she stood in the doorway. "I'll see you in the morning at school, and I'll be home tomorrow night to hang out. Actually, I've got another test on Wednesday that I'd love some help studying for, if you don't mind. I'm really struggling with the material."

"Of course, sweetheart. You know I'm always here to help."

After sharing a firm embrace, the two said goodbye, leaving Emma and her lover alone together.


	38. You Need To

****

"So what was that about?" Emma asked her lover, a sly smile appearing on her face.

"What?" Regina countered, smirking back at her.

"Why did you do that?"

"Honestly? I can't really explain it to you. It was just something personal I had to do. It felt wrong not to."

The blonde's tone changed as she pressed, "So you were just trying to assuage your guilt?"

"Emma, no. It's not like that. I just knew that the way I was behaving and feeling was wrong."

"You know as well as anyone that it's not wrong to have feelings, whatever they may be. But you're right, your attitude and actions towards her have been... problematic. But the same can be said of her."

"She's a good kid, Em. I... had that realization..."

"How'd you even end up talking to her anyway?"

As she spoke, Emma sat back down on the couch and watched as her lover followed suit.

"It's... It's sort of a..."

"What? Did you, like, go through my phone or something to get her number?"

"No! Of course not! I would never!"

"How, then?"

"I ran into her at the cafe yesterday."

"Oh. Was that so hard to say?"

"I don't really want to break her trust, so I can't really talk to you about what was said, but I think she'll probably discuss it with you tomorrow."

Looking confused, Emma tilted her head and asked, "Is she okay?"

"Emma, if she wasn't okay, I'm sure she would tell you right away. You know I can't say more than that. She'll be fine. She just wants to talk to you about it herself."

"I don't get it. Why wouldn't she just tell me whatever it is?"

"Do you tell her everything immediately?" the brunette asked carefully. When Emma didn't reply, she put her hand on the girl's thigh and added, "Sometimes things are hard to say to the people you care about most, and it just takes time to say what you need to."

With a sigh, Emma nodded herself and replied, "Yeah. I guess you're right. I'm just worried now. I mean... She seemed totally fine tonight. It scares me that she could pretend to be okay if she's not."

"She  _is_ okay, Emma. She's just got some stuff on her mind right now."

"Then why did she tell you and not me?"

When the girl started to look panicked and upset, Regina squeezed her knee and softly assured her, "She was upset, and I happened to be there. That's it. It's nothing personal about me. It was just what she needed at the moment. Now, please, Em... Let's stop talking about it, okay? I'm just now starting to earn Belle's trust, and I don't want to break it by saying too much."

"Yeah, alright," the blonde huffed. "Anyway, was this why you seemed to uptight earlier? You were nervous about having her over?"

"Yep. Pretty much that exactly. I guess I just didn't know how it would go. It was better than I ever could have hoped, though. Honestly... I enjoyed spending time with her. She's very intelligent and well-spoken."

Regina was smiling, which helped ease Emma's nerves. Whenever her lover's lips curled into that radiant expression, the girl could hardly contain the butterflies that erupted inside her. It was like seeing her for the first time, all over again. She remembered it perfectly: the blouse the woman had been wearing, the perfume... the way the smoothness of her voice had made Emma's hands shake. She might not have known what she was feeling at the time, but it became incredibly evident the more and more they'd spoken.

"You okay?" Regina asked, tearing the girl from her thoughts.

"Yeah. I'm good. Just thinking."

"What are you thinking about, honey? Can you tell me?"

"I can tell you anything, Regina. You've always made me feel safe and comfortable and cared about."

"And loved, I hope?"

"Yes. Even before you kissed me, I could tell that I meant something to you. I didn't know you felt the same things as I did, but I knew I wasn't nothing. That was something I'd never felt before. I've never been important to anyone. You were the first."

"You will always be important to me, Emma, and I will always love you. No matter what." As Emma remained silent and pensive, Regina asked again, "What were you thinking about, though?"

"When we first met."

"Good memory?"

"Absolutely. I was captivated by you from the very beginning."

"Ha. That's silly."

"Why?"

"Because I'm..."

"Captivating is definitely the right word. You won my heart on day one."

"You're so sappy," the brunette laughed, shaking her head.

"And you're beautiful..."

"You're just trying to get in my pants."

"Maybe..."

"Oh yeah?"

"What can I say? I missed you."

Grinning, Emma leaned in for a kiss, but her lover pulled away and playfully shoved her shoulders.

"Nuh-uh. I don't think you've earned it."

Suddenly, the blonde actually looked offended and immediately got off the couch, saying, "Earned it? Since when is that a thing?"

"I... I was just kidding, baby... Relax. It was just a-"

"Oh. Okay. Jesus... I thought you were serious for a minute there."

She looked relieved as Regina replied, "Of course not. If you want me, I'm yours."

"I always want you, Gina. Even when I'm mad."

"That's just 'cause you're horny all the time."

"Oh, stop it," Emma chuckled lightly. "Even if I am, it's only for you."

"Yeah?"

"Well, duh. Honestly, I've never really been sexually driven. Even... you know... by myself. You sort of changed all that. You made me feel safe and comfortable, which allowed me to explore that part of myself that I'd shut out."

"Emma..."

"Yeah?"

"I think... I think we need to talk about-"

"Hey. Don't. I know what you're going to say, and I'm not talking about that. Even with you."

"You just said you can tell me anything. Why can't we talk about this?"

"I  _can_ tell you. I know I can. I just don't want to. Don't you understand that?"

"I do. Emma, I do... I just... It's important to-"

"You're not my shrink anymore, Regina. Stop trying to-"

"Hey! I know I'm not your shrink!"

"Okay. Okay. Calm down," Emma said quickly, sitting back down beside the increasingly agitated brunette. "I know you know. But you're acting like it right now, and that makes me uncomfortable."

"Emma..."

"I don't want a therapist. I need to you to be my lover."

"Em..."

" _What?_ " the girl snapped, exasperated by her lover's persistence.

"I think you need to see one."

"Fuck you."

"Don't. Don't get upset. Just listen to me. I know what it's like to feel what you're feeling right now, and I know that it's hard to cope with, but I also know that you shouldn't do it alone."

"I've dealt with it just fine up till now. No reason to involve anyone else."

"It's not  _involving_ anyone. It's sharing your experience with someone who understands and can help you cope with how you feel about it."

"I cope just fine!"

"Emma... Historically speaking, you really don't, and I'm worried about you. I'm worried about how you'll handle it if you experience some other trauma."

"It wasn't trauma! I'm fine!"

"Bullshit. You and I both know that that's  _exactly_ what it was. You need help, Emma. I know you're not 'over it' like you think you are. It weighs on you every day."

"What about you, then?"

"What about me?"

"Why don't you deal with your shit?"

"I have dealt with my shit."

"Oh, yeah? By drinking?"

"WHOA. You need to back the fuck off right now..."

"You've said it yourself that you had a drinking problem. It's not like I'm making it up or pulling it out of nowhere."

"You know something, Emma? I was in therapy for  _years_ during that time, and I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but I don't have that problem anymore. I drink in moderation, if ever."

"I... Shit..."

"Yeah."

"Regina... I didn't... I never should have said that. I'm so, so sorry... I don't even know how that happened. It just... I got upset, and it just... came out..."

"People say things they don't mean when they're upset. Especially if something the other person said hit a nerve."

"Regina, stop. I'm not-"

"Look, just try. One session. That's all I'm asking. Go to one session. If you don't want to go back, I won't ask you to."

"With who?"

"I have a colleague who is highly recommended and specializes in self-harm and..."

"And?"

Emma's eyes were stony and serious.

"Sexual abuse."

"Fuck this. No way."

"Emma,  _please._ Please, please go."

"I'm not-"

"PLEASE. I'm begging you now. Just do this. Do this for me, and then do it for you."

"Do you know them personally?"

"No. That's why it's ideal."

"I don't want-"

"I know, baby," the brunette sighed, looking sadly into her lover's eyes. "But you need to."

Hanging her head in her hands, Emma finally mumbled, "Fine. One session, and then you'd better get the fuck off my back."


	39. I'll Be There

"Hey, Belle," Emma said softly, standing beside the girl as she pulled an armful of books from her locker.

"Hey! How are you?"

"I'm fine. How are you?"

Belle could hear from her tone that she knew something was wrong, she she sighed heavily and shut her locker with a loud bang that resonated throughout the hallway, causing a few heads to turn.

"She told you, didn't she?"

"No. I asked how she ended up talking to you. She said you met at the cafe and that you'd been upset and that you'd told her things she couldn't tell me herself and that you'd tell me when you were ready. So what's up?"

"My parents put my shit by the curb the other day and basically told me to come get it or they were going to throw it out."

"Shit, man," the blonde said. "That  _sucks._ "

"Tell me about it. I mean, I knew they wanted me gone. They already kicked me out. It just didn't feel real until now. It just felt like a really great vacation from their bullshit. Now, it's like... I don't know. Now, I have to imagine myself at my graduation alone."

"You won't be alone. I'll be there."

"Why? You're graduating this year."

"Because I wouldn't miss it for the world. I've also got no doubts that you'll be valedictorian."

"Oh, come on. I'm-"

"Look, I'm really sorry about what your parents did. That's really shitty, and I know it's scary to imagine your life without them when they've been your whole life for so long, but I promise you it'll be okay and that you won't be alone. I'll always be here to back you up, okay? No matter what."

Books clutched to her chest with one arm, Belle used the other to embrace her friend tightly, kissing her cheek before pulling away.

"Love you," she said, smiling slightly as she wiped a few tears from her eyes.

"Popcorn and movies tonight?"

"No way. You've gotta study."

"UGH," Emma groaned loudly. "But mooooom."

Laughing, Belle shoved her shoulder and replied, "Let's get to class. I'll see you later."

That night was spent exactly as planned, until - after studying for an extensive amount of time - they fell asleep beside each other in the middle of  _Sleeping Beauty_.

Given that the next day was Saturday, they both were more than happy to sleep in, which they did, only rolling out of bed around one in the afternoon.

"So," Emma said slowly over breakfast.

"So?"

"Regina wants me to see a therapist."

"That's probably a good idea. Are you hesitant?"

"Of course I'm hesitant! It makes me feel crazy. I don't want to have to go to a shrink. I want to be fine on my own."

"I think you know that you're not, though... Please don't take that the wrong way. I just mean... I think you know that this is more than you should handle on your own."

"I handle it just fine! Why do you guys insist on-"

"I'm not insisting on anything. I'm just saying that you don't have to do this yourself. You have a lover and a best friend who care about you, but we're not in a position to help you with the things you don't feel comfortable talking about. You need someone professional who knows how to help you the way that you need and we can't."

"I guess you're right," Emma sighed. "I told her I'd go to one session, so she said if I went and hated it, she'd get off my ass about it."

"That sounds fair. Then again, not every therapist knows what they're doing. If you get a bad therapist, it doesn't mean that someone who's actually  _good_ at their job couldn't help you."

"Yeah, yeah. Stop sounding so smart."

Emma's small smile told Belle that she was alright and that she wasn't angry, so she leaned in for a hug. When the girl returned it, she smiled and squeezed tighter.

"I love you."

"I love you too, buddy. You're the best."

"I'm proud of you for doing this, Em."

"Well, don't get too excited. I haven't done it yet."

"But I know you. You won't back out after giving your word. It's a good first step."

"Bleh.  _Anyway,_ what do you want to do today? Movies?"

"I think you should study more, hun. You were pretty unfocused last night."

"And you think I'll be more focused on the weekend?"

Belle laughed and shook her head, saying, "I think you should at least give it a try."

"Alright, alright. Fine. What's with you guys and wanting what's best for me? It's ridiculous."

"Aw, shut up, punk. Don't be such a whiner."

With a wink, Belle pulled the girl out of the kitchen and back up the stairs into their bedroom. Luckily for Belle, Emma actually was more focused that day, and they were able to go over the same material in almost half the time. This meant, of course, that they had more time for movies, which they dove right into after eating lunch.

Once again, they fell asleep in the middle of a Disney movie ( _Hercules_ ) and spent the entire night sleeping soundly.

By the time the sun came up in the morning, Emma was surprisingly rested enough to open her eyes. Once she'd texted her lover and made plans for the evening, she woke Belle and relayed them to her. After Belle had given her a sleepy hug goodbye with only one eye barely open, she went downstairs to wait for the woman to pick her up, happy to have spent the time with her best friend, but anxious to see her lover again.


	40. Another First Session

In the waiting room, Emma's hands and legs were shaking, and the sweat on her palms was nearly enough to distract her from staring at the clock. She'd arrived for her appointment early, preferring to wait for her appointment rather than be late for it. When the young doctor stepped into the doorway and said her name, Emma looked at her with wide, frightened eyes.

"Miss Swan?" the woman said sweetly, smiling at the blonde as she sat shaking in the chair.

Emma stood up slowly, looking terrified, and nodded her head, offering a nervous, "Hi," in response.

Once they were in the doctor's office, Emma looked around. It was different than Regina's. There was less art on the walls. Fewer plants. Fewer windows. Bright, lovely colors, but few trinkets to look at or handle. There were no children's toys in the corner.

"How are you, Miss Swan?" the doctor asked, continuing her soft, kind smile.

"Emma," the blonde told her. "Call me Emma."

"Alright. My name is Danielle Cohen. How are you, Emma?"

"Well, I'm kinda shitty. Otherwise I wouldn't be here, right?"

Slightly taken aback by this, the therapist leaned back in her chair and looked across the coffee table into Emma's deep green eyes.

"You can be doing well in your life and still go to therapy."

"But that's not why I'm here, is it? People don't come to therapy because everything in their lives is hunky-dory."

"Some people come to therapy to maintain a sense of mental wellness, Emma. Not everyone comes to me with problems."

A little nervously, Emma asked, "But you do get lots of people  _with_  problems, right?"

"Of course I do, dear. Everyone has some problems they need to face. Even people who are, as you said, 'hunky-dory' in their lives."

Emma hesitated, biting her lip, and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands.

"I don't want to be here," she confessed.

"I know. I don't think anyone  _wants_ to be in therapy. But, ideally, it helps, and in the end, most people feel better by the time they stop coming. Then again, some people feel better, and that's why they  _don't_ stop coming."

"I don't want to be this person who needs to be pitied and taken care of."

"Is that how you feel about yourself? That you need to be pitied and taken care of?"

"No! I just meant... I don't  _want_ to be that. I don't want to need help, and I obviously do."

"There's nothing wrong with needing help. Everyone does, at some point in their lives."

"I guess I just thought I was past that point. I thought I could handle things myself."

"And you feel now that you can't?"

"I've been told that I can't. My stress is no longer... just mine. It's beginning to affect those around me that I care about."

"Like who?"

Emma hesitated.

"My best friend and my girlfriend."

"Is there anyone else?"

The patient breathed a sigh of relief when the woman didn't flinch at the mention of her  _girl_ friend.  _Not homophobic. That's a win, at least,_ Emma was thinking.

Finally answering, the girl said, "No. Honestly, there's no one else I really give a shit about. Those two are the only ones in my life who love or care about me."

"Your parents?"

"That's a long story that I don't feel like sharing. The only people around me other than Regina and Belle are my foster parents and siblings, and none of them care about me. My foster parents are in it for the money. They're pretty chill, though. They don't get in the way. They let Belle move in with me when her parents kicked her out for being gay, which was great. But they let their kids just..." Emma trailed off and looked out the window, then slowly continued, "They let their kids do whatever they want."

"To you?"

"What?" the blonde asked, turning to face the therapist again.

"They let their kids do whatever they want to you?"

Emma's mouth hung open as she stared at the young woman.

"I..."

"You have some bruises on you. Do you play sports?"

"No..."

"Do you work out?"

"No..."

"Do you get in a lot of fights?"

"Not really anymore..."

"Is it safe to assume your girlfriend isn't the one hitting you?"

"OF COURSE SHE'S NOT HITTING ME!" the blonde shouted, leaping out of her seat. "Are you crazy?! Regina would never-"

"Emma, relax. I never said she would. I merely asked to clarify. Now, given what you've told me, and given what I think you were subconsciously trying to say, it seems to me that it's possible that your foster brothers and sisters have been physically assaulting you."

"Listen, that's..." Emma started, sitting back down in the chair. "I'm not... I'm not here to talk about that."

"Okay. We don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. I'm simply trying to gain a better understanding of what your life is like right now."

"It doesn't matter anyway. Since Belle moved in, it's really just been verbal harassment, which I can handle no problem. Not that I can't handle them hitting me! I just... I..."

"Emma... You can say whatever you want to here, and it doesn't leave this room."

"Unless you feel that I am a danger to myself or to others."

"That's correct. You seem to know the drill pretty well. Have you seen a therapist before?"

"I have."

"And what was that like?"

"I don't... I don't want to talk about that, okay?"

"Alright. That's fine. What would you like to talk about?"

"Honestly? Nothing. But I didn't come here to say nothing."

"What did you come here to say?"

"I don't know. All I know is that Regina and Belle both want me here, believe in this process, and think it's important for me to go through it and work out my... um... problems."

"What do you think your problems are?" the therapist asked gently.

Sighing, Emma relaxed into the chair, leaned her head back, and shut her eyes.

"I think I'm angry. And stressed. And I think that I take those emotions out on the people I care about. And I want to stop doing that."

"Okay. We can work on that. I have an idea of why you would be stressed, but can you tell me why you're angry?"

"I..." The blonde lifted her head and opened her eyes, then finished, "I hate myself."

"That's a pretty intense emotion to feel. What about yourself do you hate?"

"Everything. I hate everything about myself. I hate that I'm weak. I hate that I self-harm. I hate that I'm... not... enough. I wasn't enough for my parents to keep me. I wasn't enough for my other foster parents to protect me or take care of me. I'm not strong enough to suck up my shitty feelings and treat my girlfriend the way she should be treated."

"I think you know that when a parent leaves their child, it's not the child's fault."

"Maybe. But it doesn't feel that way. It feels like  _I'm_ the fuck-up. And what about Regina? Why do I have to take everything out on her?"

"You don't have to, Emma. We can work on that. First, I think we need to talk about where all this stems from. Do you have any ideas?"

Before speaking, Emma went dead silent and stared at the beautiful young woman in front of her, who was clearly listening intently. Her voice was calm and unthreatening, and it reminded her a lot of the way Regina had spoken to her when they'd first met. It relaxed her enough to speak.

"I was sexually abused when I was younger. I think that has a lot to do with it."

After offering a slow nod of understanding, the woman told her softly, "There is no way in the world that what happened to you could have been your fault. I hope you understand that."

"I think I'm going to need help with that..."

"I'm happy to assist, if you'll allow me to. I would love to see you again next week. Or sooner, if you'd like."

"Do you... Are you..." Emma stammered, her tongue tying in knots of its own accord. "Would you be free this Thursday afternoon?"

"I could do four o'clock, if that works for you."

"Actually, four is perfect," the patient agreed with a smile. "Thank you so much, Doctor Cohen."

"You can call me Danielle, if you'd like. I'm not much for the title, really."

By the time Emma left the office, they were both smiling.


	41. Not Funny

"Well?" Regina asked anxiously, as soon as Emma walked in the door. "How'd it go? Was she nice? Did you-"

"It was fine," Emma laughed. "It was fine."

"Well, how are you? Are you okay? Was she nice?"

"Regina, calm down. I'm fine. She was very pleasant."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the girl's lover sat down at the table and smiled at her.

"That's great, honey. I'm really glad. Are you going back?"

"Are you kidding? Absolutely. She's  _gorgeous._ "

Emma was grinning, but Regina obviously did not find this funny as her mouth fell open and she stared at the blonde in shock.

"Oh, come on!" the girl cried with a laugh. "I was just playing around! She is really pretty though."

"Emma! That's not funny!"

"Aww, c'mon, baby," the girl cooed, sauntering over to where her lover was sitting and putting her hands on the woman's shoulders. "It was a  _little_ funny."

Regina just slapped the girl's hands away and cried, "It wasn't!"

Wide-eyed and surprised by the woman's severe reaction, Emma stepped back and stared at her.

"What the Hell, Regina. It was a fucking joke."

"I don't care. It wasn't the least bit funny. Actually, it was pretty fucking offensive."

"Why are you reacting so strongly to that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," Emma said calmly, sitting in the chair beside Regina. "Why is that hitting a nerve with you?"

"Because she's your therapist! And you being attracted to her freaks me out!"

"Because I was attracted to you? And you think that I'm... What? Just... attracted to therapists in general or something?"

"No! No. Emma, I didn't mean it like that... I just meant... It makes me nervous."

"I'm attracted to Belle too, you know. Beautiful women aren't going to make me stop loving you, or cause me to be unfaithful to you."

This seemed to ease some of the doctor's anxiety as she nodded her head slowly and said, "Okay."

"Anyway, yeah, I'm going to see her again on Thursday. She's very calm and kind. It's soothing. She's gentle when she talks, like you were. She's not pushy, the way I expected her to be."

"Most therapists aren't pushy, Emma. Most of us care about our clients and sincerely want them to get better."

"Speaking of that... How's work been, babe? We haven't talked about it in a while."

"It's... Well... I mean, I try not to bring work home. You know that."

The blonde tilted her head and reached for her lover's hand, squeezing it gently.

"What's the matter, baby? Did something happen?"

"No, I just... I mean... I shouldn't talk about clients with you."

"We don't have to talk about anything specific, honey. I was just asking how things were in general. If everything's okay."

"Everything is fine. It's stressful, but the work is worth it."

"Alright, babe. If you're sure..."

"So, anyway... It went alright? You didn't, like... run out of there screaming?" Regina chuckled lightly.

Emma shook her head and leaned in to kiss her lover's lips.

"Hey," the woman mumbled into the kiss. "Seriously."

"Honey, it went fine. I said I was going back, didn't I?"

"Did you... Did you tell her why you're there?"

Pulling away, Emma blinked a few times as she looked into her lover's dark eyes, hesitating before she spoke.

"I did, yes."

"Good. I'm proud of you. I know those things are hard to say."

"I don't want to talk about this, okay? I want to deal with it as little as humanly possible and then just get the fuck over it."

"It doesn't work like that, Emma. You have to face it head-on."

"I'm not talking about it with you! Let it go!"

"Hey... Relax. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to push you. I just meant..." She trailed off, then with a sigh, she continued, "Come here, baby girl."

Sighing too, Emma got out of her chair and sat down in the brunette's lap. Allowing the feeling of Regina's arms to surround her, she lowered her head to the woman's shoulder and breathed in the scent of her perfume, mixed in with the smell of the body wash she'd used that morning.

"I love you," Regina whispered softly, kissing the shell of Emma's ear. "And I'm proud of you for doing this. I really, truly believe that it will help, or I wouldn't have asked you to take this kind of step when I know how painful it can be."

Emma nodded slowly, then nuzzled her forehead against the side of Regina's neck, letting the woman hold her close as she listened to her breathing.

"It's gonna be okay," the woman assured her as she began to rub her back. "And I'm gonna be right here the whole way, even if you don't want to talk about it. I'll be here to just sit here and hold you, whenever you need me. Okay?"

Again, the blonde nodded, but said nothing. Instead, she clung tighter to her lover and tried to breathe slowly to ease her anxiety.

"I want to get better," she finally said, after a long while of silence. "I don't want to take out all my anger on you and Belle. I want to stop feeling like this all the time."

"You will, baby. You will. Just don't give up on it, alright? No matter how hard it gets, if you hang in there, you'll see an improvement. And you're not taking anything out on me. You're-"

"Yes, I am, Regina. You know I am. I snap at you constantly. I get mad over nearly anything at all. I get rude and sarcastic. I know I'm doing it. It's just... in the moment... I don't think about it. I just  _say_ things. And  _do_ things. I don't even want to. It just happens. And I'm sorry..."

"My darling girl," Regina said softly. "I completely understand where all those emotions are coming from, and I forgive you for anything you may have said that you didn't mean. I would never hold that against you. I'm just happy that you're trying to feel better now and that you're taking steps to heal yourself. The last thing I want is for you to be unhappy."

"I don't want to end up in the hospital again. I don't want to keep cutting. I want to just... get better. And be normal."

"Emma, it's not that you're not 'normal.' No one is 'normal.' It's just that you've experienced things that a lot of people haven't, and the pain from that is pervasive and difficult to deal with."

"Yeah, I guess so. If I wasn't so weak, though, I'd-"

"You are  _not_ weak, Emma Swan. You are one of the strongest, most resilient people I have ever met."

With a laugh, Emma told her, "That's some bullshit, if I've ever heard any."

"I mean it."

"Yeah, well... Alright. Whatever. The point is, you deserve better. And I don't want to let you go. So... making  _myself_  better is the option I'm going with."

"Thank you. I wish you could understand how proud you make me..."

" _Anyway..._ Let's talk about something else. I'm tired of thinking about depressing shit."

"Disney movie?"

"Disney movie."


	42. What If

"Hello, Emma," the girl's therapist greeted her with a smile, offering a small wave as she stood in the doorway of the waiting room.

Emma stood quickly, feeling nervous again, and followed the woman into her office. When she sat down in the comfortable rocking chair, she began to relax.

"How are you today? How have the past few days been?"

"They've been alright, really. I guess, to be honest, I've been nervous about this."

"Meaning therapy?"

"Yeah. I hate this whole process. I hate talking about my feelings. I hate...  _feeling._ "

"May I ask you something that might be difficult to answer?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"If you feel uncomfortable answering, you can say so. What I was going to ask is if that is the reason you self-harm."

"Because I hate feeling? Well... I guess, in a way. It's really more that I want to be in control of  _what_  I feel. I feel so  _out_ of control all the time that cutting gives me a way to... regain that control and just... feel what I want to."

"And what you want to feel is pain?"

"Well, when you put it like that, it sounds stupid," Emma sighed. "I guess it really  _is_ kind of stupid. I can't help it, though. I think about it so often. I don't tell anyone... but it's in the back of my mind all the time. Every time I feel something stressful or angering. I just want to shut everyone out and tear myself open." There was a pause, during which the therapist was silent as she watched Emma's expressions, before the girl continued, "What I want to feel is just... that I'm loved. That's the honest truth. Physical pain is the next alternative, given that it's a hell of a lot better than emotional pain."

"And you don't feel loved by the people you care about?"

"It's not like that. I just... It's when we fight, you know? When I feel like a fuck up. I don't deserve them, really. I deserve the pain. When we bicker or disagree, it makes me feel worthless, because I know it's my fault, even though I take it out on them. The last time I ended up in the hospital, it was after a huge fight with my best friend, Belle."

"And what did you fight about?"

"She..." The blonde trailed off for a while, carefully considering her words before finishing, "She didn't like my girlfriend. In a very, very serious way. And... she has feelings for me."

"I see. You used the past tense, though. Meaning she likes her now?"

"They get along. We actually all had dinner together a little while ago. It was really nice to have the two of them at the same table. It felt good, you know? Not having them bitch about each other. Having them get along."

Emma was praying the doctor wouldn't ask her why the two had such a disagreement with each other, and luckily, it paid off.

"Tell me something? What is something that would make you extremely happy? What makes you feel good?"

"Being with them makes me feel good. Something that would make me happy that I don't have now...? Moving out of my foster parents' house."

"You're almost done with school, correct? Just another... month or so?"

"Yeah, that's right. I'll be moving out after that."

"And do you think you'll be moving in with your girlfriend?"

The blonde paused and thought this over before replying, "I hadn't really thought that all the way through yet. It's probably not a great idea. I mean, she'd get sick of me. I'm there a lot already and I'm sure I get on her nerves, with her being around me so often. I should probably get my own place for a while."

"I think being independent and on your own for a while is a good idea, especially for someone who has been bounced around foster families the way you seem to have been. I also imagine it must be very intimidating to make that kind of commitment."

"That's true, too. Can't really back out of that one too easily. Pretty damn hard to run away from someone when you live with them."

"And you're worried that you'll want to run away?"

"I don't know... I mean... No. I love her. I want to be with her. But I just... What if I fuck it up, you know? What if she realizes just how fucking messed up I am and changes her mind about me? What if she just... tells me she can't handle my bullshit and wants me to leave?"

"Those are all normal fears to have when you feel the way you do about yourself, but I think you'll feel differently after we talk this through some more. From what you've said, you spend a lot of time together already. She must know you pretty well."

"Well... I guess so. I don't... There's a lot I don't talk about, though. I mean, she knows about my depression. She was there when I was in the hospital. She freaked out, actually. But... she doesn't really know about my past, and I think it would really mess her up if she knew the whole story. I know her, and she'd feel like she had to fix me, and I feel like that would just freak her out and overwhelm her and she'd panic and just... leave."

"You trust her, though?"

"Well, yeah. But that's... I... That's not the point."

"I think it has a lot to do with it. I think you might want to try allowing yourself to trust her to love you no matter what. It sounds like you've been through a lot already."

"We have. Still... I'm so messed up, and I just... What... What if..."

A hiccup burst through her as tears began to spill from her eyes in a moment of panic, which both surprised and horrified her. Covering her mouth, she mumbled an apology, but found herself unable to stop crying. Her therapist gently leaned over the coffee table and handed her the box of tissues that was sitting between them.

"It's okay, Emma. I understand. It's perfectly fine to cry in here."

"I don't... I don't want to cry anymore," the blonde sniffled, frantically wiping her eyes.

"Emma," the woman sighed. "There's nothing wrong with crying. Everyone cries. And this is a perfectly reasonable fear to have. It's a perfectly good reason to cry." When the girl continued to look distressed and said nothing, she added gently, "But I think this is something you should discuss with her, sooner rather than later. I think she should know about your fears and how you feel about yourself and your relationship."

"I don't want to open up to her and get hurt even more," Emma sobbed. "I don't know what I'm doing. She started talking about marriage and I freaked the fuck out and told her I didn't want to talk about it. I can't even imagine how much that hurt her! How could I be such an asshole? Who wouldn't want to marry her? She's beautiful, and smart, and funny, and adorable... She's perfect. There's nothing I would change. But... But me... I'm... I'm..."

"Emma, sweetie, it's okay to feel scared of commitment. Lots of people are. But if your relationship is as strong as it seems, and if you love her the way you say you do, I'm sure you two will work out something that you're both comfortable with."

"W-What if she leaves because I don't want to get married?"

"Are you sure you don't want to get married?"

"Well, no, but I... I..."

"It's not something you need to decide now. It's something you have plenty of time to think about. You're still very young."

"But what if I'm wasting her time? What if she... What if she sees the real me and doesn't love me anymore? What if she doesn't even love me now and she's just-"

"I don't think she'd be with you if she didn't love you, Emma. You're a wonderful girl. You're very polite, and sweet, and sincere. Most importantly, you are extremely considerate and caring. I don't have to think hard to imagine what she sees in you."

This rendered the girl silent for a few moments as she wiped her tears and tried to form words. The confessions were overwhelming, and it made her feel exhausted from the effort and emotional vulnerability.

Finally, she asked, "How do you know I'm considerate and caring?"

"Because one of the first things you said to me is that you want to get to a place where you treat your loved ones better than you have been, and that you care what they think about you and how your actions affect them."

"I'm too scared to get married. That's the truth. I'm too scared to commit to moving in with her. I don't want to be with anyone else, but I don't want to feel trapped either. And I know she's going to ask me to move in with her when I graduate and I just don't know what the fuck I'm going to say! What do I do?"

"We'll have to work on that. I can see that this is very difficult and upsetting for you, so let's stop for today. I'd be happy to see you again on Monday, if you'd like. I think you have a lot of options we can discuss. It's not just black or white in this scenario."

"I... Thank you, Doctor Cohen," Emma sniffled, wiping her eyes once again and tossing the handful of tissues into the waste bin. "You've been very kind to me, and I appreciate you putting up with all my bullshit."

"It's not bullshit, Emma. It's just emotions. Normal, healthy emotions that we can deal with together."

"I hope so."

"And please... Call me Danielle."

"Alright. I'll see you next week then. Thank you again... Danielle."

"Of course. Have a good weekend, okay? Do some thinking, but not too hard."

With a tender smile, the doctor stood and saw her patient to the door.


	43. Call Me Any Time

"How'd it go?" Regina asked as Emma sat down in the passenger seat.

"It was... Um..."

"Emma, were you crying?!" the woman gasped, seeing how red the girl's eyes were. Leaning in and quickly wiping the last few tears from her lover's eyes, she kissed her cheeks and said, "What happened, baby? Are you okay?"

"I'm f-fine... I..."

"Did she do something to upset you?"

"No! Regina, it's fine. I'm fine. I just... I... had a rough session."

The look the woman gave her was deep and pensive as Regina considered the girl's reaction. Trying to remember her training, which seemed to fly out the window when concerning her lover, she sighed and finally looked away.

"Usually, that means you're making progress. It's a good thing. It's just... It scared me to see you upset."

"I'm... I'm okay."

"Em... Do you want to talk about it?"

Emma thought hard about what the therapist had said, but hesitated. How could she put it into words without making an ass of herself or upsetting her lover? How could she articulate what she was feeling without damaging their relationship further?

"I'm not ready," the girl confessed, lowering her head.

"That's okay, baby. I'm here when you are, okay? Whatever you have to say, I'm going to listen, and it's not going to change anything between us, unless you want it to. You can tell me  _anything,_ honey."

Biting her lip, Emma turned her head and looked out the window. With a sigh, realizing that the girl was struggling to come to terms with her own feelings, Regina started the car, pulled out of the parking space, and headed back to her apartment.

* * *

"I couldn't do it," Emma told her therapist in a rush, as soon as she'd sat down in the chair in the woman's office. "I couldn't talk to her. She wanted me to talk, and I couldn't do it. I wasn't ready, and... she was so sweet and understanding and I just... I fucked up, and I should have just told her right there, but I  _couldn't._ I couldn't do it!"

"These things take time, Emma," the woman told her with a gentle smile. "You're doing great so far, trying to work through this. That's the first step. It's perfectly normal to struggle with this. It's never easy to talk about the things that make us emotional with someone else."

"But I... I should have... I... She deserves to know the truth."

"She does. That's true. But she deserves to hear it on your terms, when you're ready. Maybe right now, it's not time. Of course, you don't want to wait forever, but you don't have to get it all out there the second you have a thought about it. You have a chance to give yourself time to think, and that's probably better than going in feeling the heightened emotion you were feeling."

"But... But what if I tell her all this stuff and she just... leaves?"

"I really don't think that's going to happen, Emma. I think this woman you're with loves you dearly and just wants to be there for you. Otherwise, she wouldn't have been with you in the hospital at your lowest point. She would have bailed right then."

"But that's not the half of it. That's just my behavior, not my past. I've never talked to her about being... being..."

"Emma... I know you don't feel ready to talk about that part, but I think it's important to face it sooner rather than later. You don't want to spend your whole life tying to shove this away and pretend it never happened."

"I want to pretend it never happened, though! I just want to make it go away!"

With a subtle nod of her head, the therapist nudged the box of tissues across the coffee table towards her patient, whose eyes were starting to tear up with frustration and fear.

"I know."

"How? How do I make this go away?"

"You don't," the woman told her. "You just get better at coping with it."

"She doesn't know this..." Emma started slowly, choking back a sob, "but I... When we have sex... I sometimes have flashbacks. I panic. It's so distracting... I just want to make love to her and enjoy it, you know?"

"Of course. Intimacy is an important part of a relationship, and struggling with that can cause some serious problems. But you say she doesn't know?"

"No. She doesn't. I guess I hide it well. But it's borderline panic attack sometimes. I mean, I do enjoy it... Obviously, consensual sex with someone you love and care about feels good... but... Oh, God... This is  _so_ embarrassing to talk about... I can't believe I'm saying any of this..."

"You can say whatever you want to in here, Emma. Sex is a normal part of a relationship, and it's a perfectly acceptable topic to discuss."

"I want to stop thinking about it. About him. I want to get over this and just focus on her when we're fucking. I love it... I never used to want it, but I met her and my hormones just went crazy. But it's hard, you know? When having sex sometimes reminds me of all that... stuff..."

There was a long pause where the therapist waited for her patient to continue, but when the girl stayed quiet, she finally asked, "Do you want to tell me what happened to you, Emma?"

Another long pause followed. Emma felt the words stick in her throat as her stomach tied itself in knots. Before speaking, the sobs finally escaped, and she grabbed the box of tissues and wipe her eyes, which were beginning to soak her cheeks in salty tears.

"I can't," she cried. "I can't."

"It's okay, sweetie. You don't have to. But the sooner you say it... the sooner you get it out... the easier it'll be for us to tackle this."

"He raped me," the girl sobbed. "My foster father raped me. He did it  _so_ many times... and now... I'm... I'm disgusting. I'm damaged goods. I'm-"

"You are  _not_ damaged goods. The only disgusting person is the man who did this to you. None of what happened was your fault. You  _need_ to know that. Nothing he did was caused by you."

"But he said... He..."

"Emma... He said those things to hurt, scare, and control you."

"Well it worked!" Emma screamed. "HE RUINED ME!"

"No. No, he didn't. He hurt you and gave you horrible, horrible scars, but you are not damaged or ruined. Your value doesn't decrease because of what he did to you. You've become stronger because of this. You're stronger than what he did to you."

"I need to fucking cut."

"I understand that feeling, that urge, but you need to resist, okay? You need to do it for you, but also for your friend, and your lover. They care about you, and they want to see you get better."

"No... You don't understand. I  _need_ to. I can't... I  _can't..._ "

"You're going to get through this, Emma. I'm going to be here for you every step of the way. I know you're strong enough to confront this without punishing yourself for something you didn't do. Everything that happened is on him, not you. This is  _his_ fault, not yours."

"Sometimes I just want to die, Doctor Cohen," the girl sobbed. "I can't do this. I feel like Regina is wasting her time on me. Like I'll never be enough and that I'm just going to hurt her."

"Emma..."

"Oh,  _God,_ " the blonde groaned. " _Please_ don't put me in the loony bin. I don't want to go back to the hospital.  _Please,_ Danielle. Please don't-"

"Emma, I want you to take a deep breath. Let's talk this through, okay?"

"I don't want to-"

"Are you planning to commit suicide?"

"No! I just... Sometimes I want to, you know? I don't... I don't have a plan or anything. I just get... urges..."

"We will work through those. As for right now, I don't feel that you are a danger to yourself. I am concerned about your self-harming behavior, but it seems like you have a lot to live for, and that you probably don't want to let go of the people you love. Is that right?"

Emma nodded and wiped her eyes with a tissue.

"I want to get better. I just don't think I can, and that makes me want to just... end this. To set Regina free."

"You think she feels trapped with you?"

"Well... I don't know. Maybe. I guess I just... I'm scared that she feels that way."

"Why don't you ask her?"

"I can't. I can't. What if... What... I'm..."

"I think it's important that you have that conversation with her, at some point. I think you should at least try. Can you do that?"

"I..."

"Just try to talk to her about it, before Thursday when I see you next? If you try and it doesn't happen, that's okay. Just give it a go and see what happens."

Emma sighed a frustrated, "Okay," and hung her head in her hands for a moment before standing up and collecting her bag. "Thank you, Danielle. I really appreciate it."

"Emma..."

"Yeah?"

"If you get that urge... I want you to call me. I don't care what time it is, okay? Just call me. We'll talk it through."

"No promises."

"Alright. Just think about it, okay? If you want to cut, or... or anything else. You can call me any time."

"Thanks. I'll see you Thursday."


	44. I Understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another trigger warning, just in case the one in the summary wasn't enough. More discussion of rape and discussion of flashbacks (no details).

"Regina..." Emma choked out as she laid in bed with her lover that night.

"What is it, baby? You okay?"

"I'm... I'm okay..."

"Emma," the woman said slowly, sitting up in bed and looking at the blonde. "Talk to me."

"Do you feel trapped with me?"

"What?! Of course not! Why would you say that?"

Swallowing hard, Emma rubbed her eyes, forcing back the tears that threatened to fall.

"I'm so fucked up. How can you stay with me?"

"You're not fucked up, Emma. And I stay because I'm in love with you."

Hearing this, the girl found herself unable to fight the sobs any further and burst into tears. She wanted to believe the woman's words words. She wanted to accept them and let go of her fears and insecurities. But even the kindest words could not stop the self-doubting thoughts from flooding her mind as she sat up and began to shake from crying.

"Emma... Oh, God. Emma... Baby... Talk to me. What's going on?"

"I... I don't know. I mean... I'm... I don't... I know you knew about my cutting before we got together, but... ever since I was in the hospital, I've just..."

When Emma stopped completely, sobbing harder, Regina wrapped an arm around her shoulders and softly said, "Keep going, baby. Say what you need to say. I'm right here."

"I feel like this is too much for you."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because I'm a wreck! I don't understand how you can talk about... about... marrying me... I'm so... so messed up. I don't know how to fix it or make myself better for you. I'm trying, but I just don't feel like I can. I feel like this is never going to end, and I feel like you're going to get overwhelmed and leave me."

"I will never leave you," the woman told her, her expression suddenly stony and serious as she lifted her lover's chin until their eyes met. "Not ever."

"But I-"

"No. Not ever. I understand if you don't want to get married, but I don't care about that. I'm not leaving you. I need you, Em..."

"You don't need me," the blonde sniffled. "I'm just holding you back. You should be with someone stable. Someone mature and beautiful and smart and funny and-"

"You are all of those things. I don't care if you're stable. I'm going to be here to be your rock, no matter what happens."

"I can't, Regina. I can't keep bringing you down like this. You have your own stuff to deal with, and I'm just adding to the pile. I'm just another patient to deal with."

"You are  _not_ my patient! You are my  _lover._ I need you."

"You don't need a fuck up like me to bring you down like this."

"Stop saying that," Regina pleaded. "You're not bringing me down. You're holding me together."

"What?"

"Some stuff has been going on at work, and the only thing keeping my head above water is you."

"What? Why didn't you tell me? What's going on?"

"I can't tell you, Emma. You know I can't tell you. Just know that I need you and that you're everything I could ever want in a lover. You're the glue that holds all my broken pieces together when I feel like I'm falling apart."

"Why didn't you tell me you were having problems at work?" Emma repeated harshly. "I don't keep things from you."

"Yes, you do."

"Regina, that's..."

"I just found out that one of the little boys I treat is being sexually abused by his father. I had to report it, and now they're going to put him in foster care, because his mother won't leave her husband."

"Oh, fuck..." the blonde breathed. "That's horrible. I am so sorry, Regina..."

"I'm so scared of what's going to happen to him now. What if it's worse, you know? What if... What if they hurt him, or... I mean... You know how scary that can be, and how horrible some families are. Not that they're all like that, but... What if things only get worse for him?"

"I don't think it can get worse than what's happening now, honey," Emma sighed. "He's already being abused. Are you going to continue to work with him?"

"Yes. The state is mandating that his foster family bring him to therapy."

"Then you'll be able to monitor what's going on."

"But what if something's wrong and he doesn't tell me?"

"He told you about his father, right?"

"I saw bruises on his arms and asked him about it. I managed to sort of coax it out of him, but... I'm still... I feel like I failed him, not seeing it earlier."

"How long have you been seeing him?"

"A while."

"How long has the abuse been happening?"

"I don't know. He wouldn't say."

Leaning in to her lover, Emma sighed again and kissed the woman's cheek.

"I love you," she said. "And I'm so sorry. This must be so hard on you."

"You need to tell me what's going on, Emma. You can't keep bottling this up."

"I'm working through it. I told you. I'm going to therapy, just like you wanted. Why isn't that good enough?"

"Because I know there are things you're not saying. Things that are affecting  _us._ "

"I..."

"I'm not going to force you, but the longer you keep this stuff from me, the more you're going to drive a wedge between us."

"You think I'm driving a wedge between us?"

"Honestly? Yes. My work doesn't affect you or what's going on in our relationship. What's going on with  _you,_ though? That affects us both. I know there's something wrong. I know this stuff isn't just in your past."

"Regina..."

"I want you to move in with me, Emma. I want to be with you all the time. I want you to be here when I get home from work, and when I leave in the morning. I want you in my bed every night, not just a few nights a week. But if that's going to happen, you can't keep all this stuff from me and expect everything to just be fine. You can't keep pretending that it's not still hurting you."

Vigorously shaking her head, the blonde began to cry again, harder this time, until Regina wrapped her arms around her again.

"Baby, please..."

"I can't," Emma sobbed.

"You can. Whatever it is that's got you down all the time, it's not going to scare me or make me leave."

 _How did she know that's what I was thinking?_ Emma wanted to know. A moment of panic washed over her, until she realized that the woman couldn't read her thoughts, and she was probably just being perceptive.  _I need to just tell her... I need to tell her. I need to do it now._

"Let me in, Emma. Let me carry this burden with you."

"I still feel him," the girl cried, covering her face with her hands. "I still think about it all the time, and I can't get it to stop, and when we fuck, it gets worse, and it's not that I don't want to fuck you, because I do, but I... I have these horrible flashbacks, and... and... and..."

"Oh, baby girl," Regina sighed. "I understand. I know exactly what that feels like."

"What? You're not... You're not freaked out or... or..."

When the girl began to sob harder, Regina kissed her cheek slowly and whispered, "I've been through it too."

"But you're so... you're so calm and collected and stable and together and I'm just a fucking  _wreck!_ "

"I'm still hurting from things that have happened to me, Emma. I still struggle. It still affects me. I've just dealt with it in therapy for a long, long time to get to the place I'm at now. I don't really have the flashbacks anymore, but when we had sex the first time... It happened."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"For the same reason you didn't tell me."

"You were scared?"

"I was very scared. I didn't want to freak you out. But I'm going to be here for you, no matter what. I'm not scared of what you've been through, and I'm not leaving."

There was a long silence where Emma continued to sob, but eventually the tears slowed and she was able to choke out a few more words.

"I can't move in with you."

"But... why? I thought..."

"It's too fast. I love you. I do. But I can't... I'm not ready. I'm too scared."

"That's okay," the brunette told her softly, tucking some of her hair behind her ear and wiping her eyes. "I understand."

"You do?"

"I do. When you're ready, though, the offer still stands."

Sniffling, the girl said a quiet, "Thank you, Regina," and scooted closer to her lover, allowing Regina to hold her close as they relaxed against the pillows.


	45. To Keep You Safe

"I did it," Emma blurted, as soon as the office door was closed. "I told her how I was feeling and that I wasn't ready to move in with her."

"And how did she react?" the therapist asked gently, sitting down in her chair.

The patient sat down too and answered, "She told me she understood. But, like... she really meant it. She told me that it happens to her too. I couldn't believe it. I mean, we've never really talked about it before. I mean, I knew she'd been raped, but I... we... we never talked about it."

"How did it feel to share that, and to have her share what she did in return?"

"God dammit. I knew you were gonna get to asking me that. And how does that make you  _feel?_  It's such a gross question."

"Why is it a gross question?"

"Because it means I have to think in order to answer, unless I feed you some stupid bullshit like, 'I don't know,' which is just code for, 'Fuck off. I don't want to talk about it.'"

"That's true. And it's a lot easier to tell someone to fuck off than to tell them how you feel."

"You can say fuck?"

With a chuckle, the doctor replied, "I can say what I'd like, as long as it doesn't make you uncomfortable."

"Well, obviously, if I'm saying it, it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable."

"Would you tell me if it did?"

There was silence as Emma processed the question, mulling it over in her mind. What was the woman getting at? Was it some kind of therapy hocus-pocus? She wasn't sure, but she processed the question fully anyway.

"Yes," she finally replied. "I would tell you if you said something that made me uncomfortable."

"Would you tell Regina if something she said made you uncomfortable?"

"Jeez," the blonde breathed, leaning back in the seat. "You're a hard hitter, you know that? You cut right through the bullshit and get to the point."

"You don't have to answer anything you don't want to, Emma."

"It's fine. I'm just saying. Anyway, I guess it depends on what it was."

"Let's say she said something that offended you. Would you tell her that?"

"Yeah, sure. She's pissed me off plenty of times, and I've told her so."

"What if she hurt your feelings?"

"Um... Well, that's kind of gay, so probably not."

"Emma, come on. Do you really think that?"

"Well,...no, but... I guess I'm just saying it because when she hurts my feelings I don't  _just_ feel hurt. I feel embarrassed about the fact that I even care enough  _to_ hurt."

"That makes a lot of sense."

Looking surprised, Emma asked, "It does?"

The therapist nodded her head and continued, "So, do you want to tell me about your conversation?"

"Well, I mean... I just... I sort of... cried... and told her that... that I have flashbacks... and she said she's had them too... and I admitted that I was too scared to tell her."

"You're willing to tell her a lot."

"I wish I could tell her everything, you know? But I'm scared of everything. I want to be able to communicate effectively and have a healthy relationship, but I'm such an immature little brat sometimes, and I just can't help but lash out or get angry when really, inside I'm feeling torn up and broken."

There was a long, long pause before Danielle spoke again. Strangely enough, the two continued to make eye contact throughout the silence.

Eventually, the woman told her, "You just said a lot right there, Emma."

* * *

"Babe?" Regina asked her lover as the girl climbed into the car. "What's up?"

"I... want... to talk about my... um... feelings."

The brunette stared at her, her jaw threatening to fall to the floor. She wanted to ask, 'Are you serious?' but knew that it was neither an appropriate time nor question to be asking. Instead, she reached over and put her hand on top of Emma's.

"Alright, babe. That sounds good." When Emma was silent and simply sat looking terrified, Regina pressed gently, "So what are you feeling?"

"S-Scared," the blonde stuttered.

Her lover waited for more, but when it didn't come, she asked, "Do you want to tell me what you're scared of?"

"No..."

"That's okay. Even identifying the emotion is a big step. We don't have to talk about where it's coming from if you don't want to."

"You sound like such a therapist."

"Emma... That's what I am. It's  _who_ I am. I'm not trying to give you therapy, though. It's just part of how I think and express myself. Please don't take it the wrong way. My words are genuine, I promise you."

"You're not just feeding me the generic therapist lines?"

"Is that how you see me? As someone who just feeds people 'generic therapist lines?'"

The hurt in Regina's eyes was evident, and Emma immediately felt the burn of shame when she saw it.

"No... Babe, I... I didn't mean it like that. It's just hard, you know? When no one's ever cared or been gentle with me before. To just... you know... believe that they're genuine."

"Do you believe that Doctor Cohen is genuine?"

After thinking hard about this, Emma nodded her head and said, "Yeah. I do."

"Good. I trust your judgment. But do you think I'm genuine?"

"Sometimes, I'm not sure, to be totally honest with you. But that's just my own insecurities and self-doubt. I want to believe you so badly that it hurts, but ever fiber in me is just like, 'No way. She doesn't really care about you. She just feels bad for you.' That's not what I  _really_ think. It's just... what my mind says... when you say things like you care about me or you love me."

"I do care about you. And I do love you. I love you so, so much, Emma..."

"Gina..."

"What is it, baby?"

"Danielle says I'm making progress. She says I should be proud of myself. But I just  _can't_ be proud of myself when I... when..."

"Em?" Regina asked gently, when the girl trailed off.

"When I still constantly want to hurt myself."

This was one of the few times that the doctor had ever heard the girl verbally express her desire to self-harm, and it startled her, considering that it wasn't accompanied by tears or anger.

"It's okay to have those thoughts, you know. You just have to ground yourself and remember that people love you, and that you love other people, and that things will get better."

"I don't know if I believe that things will get better, but honestly... I love you too much to kill myself. You and Belle are the only things I have to live for."

"I wish you wouldn't say that... but if that's what you need to hold on to in order to keep you here, then that's okay. We'll work on that. We'll find you more things to care about. More things to help you feel whole. Right now, though, we just need to keep your head above water. To keep you safe."

"I want to cut, Regina. Talking about things makes me want to cut."

"It won't always be like that. Talking gets easier the more you practice it. It hurts at first, because it's tearing open a wound that's started to scar over, but eventually, it doesn't feel like that anymore. You'll get to a point where you can talk about these things with discomfort, but not complete agony."

"How did you get over it?"

"What?"

"How did you... get over... being... you know..."

"You can say it, Emma. I was raped. And I didn't 'get over it.' I got better at dealing with it. It still affects me, but it doesn't affect my every day functioning anymore, and I'm grateful for that, but it took a lot of therapy to get me here."

"How long?"

"Years."

"But I don't want to be in therapy for years! I just want to fucking get over this!"

When Emma's eyes began to water, Regina leaned in, tucked her hair behind her ears, and gently kissed her forehead.

"My sweet, darling girl... It's not about getting over it. It's about coping with it. And you will learn that. It just takes time. That being said... You're doing a lot better than I did. I went through it all kicking and screaming and drinking and hating the world. I was  _very_ angry for a  _very_ long time."

"But you're not angry now?"

"I'm... I mean... I'm angry at the perpetrator, but I'm not angry at myself, or at anyone else. You, unlike me, are adjusting to therapy beautifully. I couldn't face the emotions you're facing now until I'd been in therapy for at least a year and a half. You're pushing through the hardest part of this far more quickly than I ever could have."

"You really think so?"

"I don't know  _exactly_  where you're at, but I see a big change in you. In what you say and how you act. You're gentler now. You're more open and honest."

"Are those good things?"

"Yes. To be honest, Emma... I understand why you're angry, and why you've acted the way you have... but you can be really harsh sometimes."

"I know... Babe, I'm so sorry. I-"

"No. Listen. I'm not looking for an apology. I'm just trying to explain. You're a better listener now. You give me a chance to express myself before you get upset about whatever I've said. And you've opened up to me and said things I never thought I'd hear."

"There's no one else I'd rather take this journey with than you, Regina."

With a warm, encouraging smile, the woman replied, "I'm happy to hear that, darling, because you're definitely not getting rid of me any time soon."


	46. Educated

"How are you, Emma?" Danielle asked her patient with a gentle smile.

"I'm okay. I'm... I'm good, actually," the girl told her, sitting down slowly as the doctor shut the door to her office.

"That sounds like an improvement! I know you said you were struggling with some things when we met during our last session."

"It is an improvement. I feel... I feel  _really_ good. Scared, but good."

"Why scared  _and_  good?"

"Yeah, I know that sounds weird."

"It doesn't sound weird. I'm just wondering where the combination of those feelings is coming from, if you'd like to tell me."

"Well, I had... I had another really great conversation with Regina. When I left here last time, I really just felt like... like I wanted to get it all out there. I couldn't say everything I should have, but I told her I wanted to at least talk about my feelings, and that went over really well."

"Do you mind if I ask what feeling you shared with her? Or feelings?"

"I told her I was scared, but... when I couldn't get anything else out, she told me that was fine, and that just identifying the feelings is a big step."

"That's true. She's very insightful."

Emma paused and felt a lump rise in her throat. Part of her wanted to divulge everything, to tell the therapist that Regina was older than her, that she was a doctor -  _her_ doctor - and that she'd nearly gotten fired for what was going on between them. But she knew she couldn't share this, so she went completely silent as she felt her muscles tense.

"I notice you've just tensed up slightly," the doctor observed. "Do you know where that reaction is coming from?"

"N-No," the girl lied, releasing her iron grip on the armrests of the chair she was sitting in.

The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a while, not saying anything, until Emma begin to subconsciously squirm in her seat, unable to stifle the reaction.

"Emma," Danielle said slowly. "There is nothing you can't say to me. Anything you want to share is completely safe in this room, unless I fear that your life or someone else's is in danger or that you report the current abuse of a child."

"Well, it's none of that."

"Okay." When Emma continued to look uncomfortable, the woman asked, "Would you like to talk about something else? Anything you'd like."

"I hate my foster family," Emma blurted, saying the first thing that came to mind.

Skillfully stopping her own surprised reaction, the therapist leaned back in her seat slightly and set her pen down on top of her notebook. She made no visible response to Emma's comment and instead stayed calm, even though the words were quite unexpected.

"You have said that you dislike them, and that you've experienced some aggression from the other kids in the house. Has something else happened to make you feel more strongly, or has this been how you've felt the whole time?"

"The more time I spend with Regina, the more I realize how much I hate being in that house. I mean, I love being around Belle and getting to hang out with her a lot, but she's the only good thing about being there. I want out."

"Well, you're graduating  _very_ soon, and you'll be above to move out as soon as you do. How are you feeling about that?"

"Excited... and scared. I'm not ready to get a job, you know? I feel like I'm just gonna fuck everything up and be horrible at whatever I do."

"Have you considered going to college?"

"I've got no way to pay for it, and I'd never get in anyway."

"You are a very intelligent girl, Emma, and I think that you'd have a very good chance at being admitted to a college or university. If you're worried about the cost, there are plenty of scholarships, and the government offers many loans and grants to students with financial need like you. It would likely be completely paid for, and you could pay the loans back later, once you do get a job. You'd probably even get a refund from excess loans, depending on the school you went to. A community college might be an even better choice if you're worried about paying back the loans too. You have  _a lot_ of options. You're not limited here. You don't have to jump right into a job. Or school, even. You can choose."

"I'm too scared to apply to college. It's too late anyway. Deadlines were back in January."

"There are plenty of schools, especially community colleges, that will offer late admissions. Especially with the way you've raised your grades."

"That's just because of Belle. If she hadn't been helping me, I'd be failing."

"I think it's all about the teachers you have. If you have poor teachers, which it seems like you do, it makes it difficult to learn. Belle seems to have been a very good tutor for you, but you're the one who understood the information and retained it all in order to perform well in the classroom."

Emma paused for a while before she managed to speak again, looking nervous and skeptical.

"Yeah..." she finally mumbled. "I guess so."

"What does Regina think about it?"

"She wants me to go to school. She thinks I could do well. I just don't feel like I could do it by myself. And Belle got into Harvard Law School, so... it's not like she'll be close. I'll probably never see her, even to visit."

"Harvard is only a few hours away, Emma. You'll be able to see her. She might not be able to tutor you anymore, but I also believe that you can get through this on your own. Besides, I bet there's a lot Regina could do to help you as well. She sounds very educated."

"Yeah... Um... She went to Columbia University..." Before the woman could ask what she'd gotten her degree in, or what her profession was, Emma was relieved to look at the clock and discover that they'd gone five minutes over their session time, so she quickly told her doctor, "I guess we're out of time. I'll see you in a few days."

Raising an eyebrow slightly at the girl's abrupt ending of the conversation, the therapist stood up and nodded her head, saying, "Keep up the good work, okay? It's alright to be scared, especially of sharing where your feelings are coming from, but I'm sure that your loved ones care enough to accept you exactly how you are."

"Yeah... I guess so. Anyway, thanks, Danielle. I really appreciate it. I'll see you later."


	47. A Huge Step

"What happened, babe?" Regina asked, as soon as her lover closed the car door. "You're, like... sweating... and your face is-"

"It's so weird, not telling her how we met. I have to avoid talking about you too much because I don't want her to ask about it and me have to lie. I don't want to lie to her."

"Em... I know you don't want to lie, but telling the truth..."

"She has to report that, right? I mean, she didn't say that when she was going over what confidentiality covers or anything, but..."

"Well... honestly... it's a gray area. My first thought, a year ago, would have been to tell, had it been one of my clients who disclosed that to me. Now, obviously, I see things from the other side and feel differently. But you're right. Therapy depends on honesty, and not being honest is... difficult, especially when the person is as sweet as you are."

"Oh, shut up," Emma laughed, shaking her head and pushing a hand through her blonde locks. "I'm not sweet. Anyway, I'm not going to tell her. It's just stressing me out, and it makes it hard to focus when I'm in there. We got dangerously close today."

"Emma. I don't want to be your secret."

"And I don't want to be yours. It's the same thing."

"Yeah," the brunette sighed. "I guess you're kind of right. It is sort of the same thing."

"I guess we just have to kind of deal with it."

"I don't want this to get in the way of your therapy. What you do in there is more important than anything else."

"It's not more important than our relationship!" the girl cried adamantly.

"It is. Your recovery and mental health are the most important things. Not me or us."

"That's  _bullshit,_ Regina! You mean more to me than anything in this world, and I... I..."

Emma trailed off when she realized the weight of what she'd just begun to say, and Regina turned and stared at her as the car remained parked.

"You're... I'm..." the woman tried, a knot rising in her throat. "You shouldn't say that."

"You're deflecting."

"You're being ridiculous!" the therapist shot back defensively. "I am  _not_ deflecting!"

"You are too. But whatever. I don't want to deal with what I just said either, so let's just fucking go home and forget about it."

A little too shocked by her lover's reaction to reply, Regina drove them home in silence.

After another more heated argument - nearly a fight - the two of them managed to fall asleep on the bed together, facing away from each other.

In the middle of the night, Emma woke in a cold sweat with tears on her cheeks, the scene having replayed in her dreams, only with more intensity, and a more severe ending. Regina remained out cold, but even though the girl was distraught, she was too upset with herself to wake her lover.

Instead, she grabbed her cell phone and stumbled into the bathroom and locked herself in, sitting on the floor. For a while, she simply sat and cried as she flipped through the pictures of herself and her lover that were saved to her phone, feeling horrible for the things she'd said that night. Shaking and exhausted, but determined to end whatever she was feeling, she set the phone down on the tile floor and stood up, opening the medicine cabinet to find the pair of small, sharp scissors that she knew were waiting for her.

Sitting back on the floor with her legs crossed, she held out her left wrist and pressed down on it with one of the the blades of the scissors until blood began to bubble up around the metal. Just by chance, she happened to look to her right and notice the cell phone beside her, and her hand froze.

' _Call me any time,'_ Danielle had said.

Emma sobbed harder.  _What would I even say? I can barely speak, and I..._ Subconsciously, her right hand pushed the blade down harder, but she stopped herself from dragging the object over her wrist. Instead, she forced herself to drop the scissors, which landed on the tile floor with a loud clanging noise. Slamming her head back against the wall in frustration, she grabbed the phone and dialed her therapist's number.

It only rang twice.

"Emma?" Danielle's level voice came through the other end of the line. "Are you alright?"

The girl just sobbed, unable to push words past the lump in her throat, but the desire to speak was so great that her inability to do so induced a panic attack she could not escape.

As soon as the therapist heard the strangled sounds of Emma's breathing, she said, "Exhale, Emma. Breathe out. I know it feels like you can't breathe, but that's because you're forgetting to breathe out. It's a stress response, and it's okay. It's going to stop, alright?"

Emma was sure that Regina would wake to her uncontrolled sobbing any minute, but although she was ashamed of her outburst and horrified of the idea of being found on the bathroom floor like that, she could not contain her emotions.

"I'm s-sorry," the blonde choked out, in between gasping breaths. "I can't... I can't-"

"Emma, it's okay. You're gonna be okay. I promise. You're doing great. I can hear you breathing now. Keep going okay? Out and then in again."

"I can't," the girl wailed, still struggling for air. "I... I..."

"Shh. Emma, listen to me. Don't talk for a minute, okay? I just want you to breathe, and in one minute, we'll talk, if you want to. Just slow down and try to breathe."

At first, this seemed impossible, but with a few more encouraging words from the therapist, Emma was able to get her breathing back down to slow, shaking breaths.

"Good. You made it a minute. You can make it another minute. And another. Any time this happens, I promise you it will stop."

"I hate this," Emma sniffled. "I'm so fucked up. Why is this happening to me?"

"You're hypersensitive because of the trauma you've been through. It's trained you to be defensive and closed off, but it's also made you crave intense levels of intimacy. None of this is your fault, Emma. This is just a horrible, horrible part of what people who experience trauma have to go through before they recover. But it gets better, okay? I promise you it gets better."

"Doctor Cohen... I want to cut so bad. I mean, I did... a little... I just... I didn't... I mean... I just pressed down and there was some blood, but I... I didn't... I mean..."

"Slow down, Emma. It's okay. Are you still bleeding?"

There was a pause while Emma looked down at her own wrist, which only had a small red line on it with a little bit of dried blood.

"No."

"Good. You stopped. You did  _wonderfully._ You took a  _huge_ step, and you should be proud."

"But why? I-"

"You stopped yourself. You and I both know that you could have done some serious damage, and you probably would have a few months ago, but tonight... you took control."

"What are you talking about? I completely  _lost_ control!"

"Just because you had a panic attack doesn't mean you lost control. Your body might have lost control for a moment, but you came right back, and you controlled your urges. You also had the courage to call me." When Emma was silent in response, Danielle continued, "How did that feel? I imagine it must have been difficult."

"It was... I feel so stupid. I'm so sorry to bother you in the middle of the night like this. I didn't want to cut. I didn't want you to be disappointed in me. I didn't want to hurt Regina or Belle. I..."

"Yes?"

"I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I still have the urges, and they just won't _fucking_  go away, but I don't  _want_ to cut. I don't want to keep doing this to myself. And to the people I care about."

"Emma... That's a beautiful thing. You have made  _so_ much progress. That being said, I wouldn't have been disappointed in you if you had cut, or if you hadn't called. I would have understood. I just would have been concerned for your well-being, that's all. I just care about you and want you to be healthy and good to yourself."

"I-" Emma started, but was interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching the bathroom door. "Oh, shit. I woke her up! I should go."

"You did great tonight, Emma. Please call me tomorrow morning and let me know how you're feeling then."

"Goodnight, Doctor C-"

"Danielle."

"Goodnight, Danielle."


	48. Warm

Emma?" Regina's voice rang out as she knocked softly on the door to the bathroom. "Are you okay?"

"I'm... I'm fine," the girl lied, rubbing the tears from her eyes.

"I heard crying..."

"I..."

"Em... I'm really sorry. I was a complete ass tonight. Please, let me in."

"I can't. I'm..."

"Oh, my God... Emma, did you-"

"No! I mean... I..."

"Emma, open the door! I need to make sure you're okay!"

"Regina, I'm-"

"Open the door."

With a sigh, Emma reached out and turned the doorknob to let her in.

The woman instantly fell to her knees in front of her lover and took her hands, relieved by the sight of only a tiny amount of dried blood on the girl's wrist.

"Jesus Christ, Emma... You scared the shit out of me."

"I'm sorry... I..."

"Honey, you don't have to apologize. This is my fault. I'm the one who upset you."

"You can't take responsibility for my behavior and depression, Regina. You should know better than that. And I shouldn't push it on you."

"You're not pushing it on me!"

"Look, I... I'm..."

As she felt her chest tighten and her breathing begin to constrict again, her face began to redden.

"Shit... Emma, I'm sorry... Oh, shit..."

"No... No, I'm good... I'm..."

Purposefully taking slow, heavy breaths in and out, Emma went silent as she calmed herself.

"I'm good," she repeated, wiping the sweat from her brow as her breathing returned to normal.

Dazed by her lover's exertion of control, Regina said, "Wow, Emma... That was... That was incredible. You did really great."

"I talked to Danielle." When Regina looked a little confused, she quickly added, "She said I could call her any time, if I felt like I wanted to cut, so... I did."

"And... And did it help?"

"It did. She made me feel less stupid about it. Like less of a freak."

"You are definitely not a freak, Emma Swan."

After a long pause, the girl said, "This wasn't your fault. I felt guilty about the way I treated you tonight, and I wanted to take it out on myself. It wasn't anything you did or said, okay?"

Not really believing this but trusting her lover, Regina slipped her arms around Emma's torso and squeezed gently, saying, "Thank you for stopping, Emma. I need you to take care of yourself, okay?"

With a nod, Emma let her head fall to the woman's shoulder as she continued to take slow, steady breaths. After a while, Regina pressed her lips to the girl's cheek and held her a little tighter. The blonde responded by kissing her lover's cheek in return and offering a small smile.

"You got through that," the woman told her. "You did a great job."

"Eh... It's not a big deal. I'm just glad you didn't have to walk in on me passed out in a pool of my own blood... That would kind of suck for everyone involved."

When Emma forced a light chuckle, Regina frowned, saying, "That's not funny, Em. You... You mean the world to me... There's nothing I treasure more than you..."

The two stared at each other for a long moment before Emma finally gathered the bravery to lean in and kiss the woman's lips.

"I love you, Regina Mills." When the doctor just smiled and stayed quiet, Emma added, "You're my everything." It was only after a long pause that the blonde spoke up again, saying suddenly, "What went through your head when our hands touched for the first time?"

Regina looked slightly startled, but a small smile crept over her lips as she replied thoughtfully, "At the bowling alley. Yeah. I was scared. It totally electrified me. I felt... dirty and guilty for feeling so attracted to you. So  _connected_  with you. It felt wrong then. But it was so intense. I thought about it constantly from then on. I... I shouldn't have touched your shoulder the way I did that night. I really... I don't know why I let myself do it, really. I've never touched a patient that way. I let a little eight-year-old boy hug me when he discharged once. That's the only time I've done anything other than a handshake, except for with you. I know I shouldn't have touched you like that, but... I just... You were being so funny and adorable and sweet, and I couldn't help myself. I just wanted to make you smile..."

By the end of the confession, the doctor's own smile had faded, and her lover picked up on this quickly.

"Are you sure you don't regret this? It seems like you're feeling a lot of guilt about it..."

"I don't regret it! It was wrong, and I feel guilt about it, but I don't regret it. It got us where we are now, and I wouldn't give that up for the world."

"Alright..."

"Emma... I fell so hard for you. I was falling before that, but that night... the way you looked at me... the way you smiled when you got a good score... You were just so... bright. Even in the face of everything that was going on with you."

"We should go again soon."

"What, bowling? Yeah. I'd like that," the brunette replied with a smile, kissing her lover's cheek. "I'm not afraid to clean house and whoop your ass this time."

"Hey, shut up, before I slap that grin off your face!" Emma warned with a laugh, rolling over until she was on top of Regina, pinning her down against the mattress.

"Maybe I want to be slapped," Regina joked, continuing to grin.

"Oh, yeah, right. Like you're into that."

"Maybe I am."

"You're not."

"How the hell would you know, smarty pants?"

"Because I've seen your rather extensive sex toy collection, and it didn't include any whips or chains or nipple clamps."

"Maybe I keep that stuff somewhere else."

Emma paused for a moment, her smile fading, and stared down at Regina, suddenly unsure as to whether or not the woman was serious. Her face was stony and firm.

"Bull," Emma finally said, and her lover burst out laughing.

"No, I'm not into that stuff," she confessed, grinning again. Then, her smile dropped too, and she asked, "Are you?"

"What? No."

"I was just... I was just checking. I mean... if you wanted to try it... I'm not closed-minded. I'd try anything that made you feel good."

"Honestly, Regina, I think that would just intensify the flashbacks. I'm sure that even though I'd be trying to have fun, it would stimulate things I don't want to feel again."

"Yeah... That's... That's sort of my thinking too."

"So, um..."

Emma looked down at her lover and bit her lip.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm... I'm good. Just a rough night. We should, uh... sleep..."

With a nod, Regina settled into the pillows and gently pulled the girl down on top of her. After a while, though, she broke the silence.

"I can't sleep. I'm thinking about the bowling alley."

"What about it?"

"How horny I was when I got home."

"What?"

"When I got home, all I could think about was your beautiful smile, and your laugh, and how soft your skin was. All I could picture was taking you in the back seat of my car like a couple of drunk teenagers."

"And that's what you're thinking about now?"

"I..."

"Regina, it's okay. Whatever you're thinking, it's okay."

"I want you. I don't tell you that enough. I don't show you enough."

"Yes, you do," Emma said quickly. "You absolutely do." When Regina made no further comment, she slid her hands up and down the woman's sides, then pressed her thumbs against her hip bones.

"You're warm..."

"So are you."

"Do you want to make love to me?"

Regina nodded slowly, placing her own hands on Emma's waist and saying, "Please."

"I want to go down on you first."

"What?"

"I want to go down on you."

"Okay," the woman conceded, blushing at her lover's bluntness as she repositioned herself between her legs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys. I'm a little stuck now. Where do think the story should go from here? I'd like to gentle input, if anyone wants to offer it. This is all I've got right now. I'm not really sure where I want to take it from here.


	49. Bound to You

"Oh, God... Regina..." Emma mumbled, her face between her lover's legs. "You taste so fucking good."

"Emma...  _Fuck!_  Oh, fuck."

"Is that it, baby? There?"

With a few more swirls of her tongue, Emma paused and grinned as she looked up to see the woman's face twisted in pleasure. Nothing made her heart swell more than pleasing her lover.

"Oh, honey..." the blonde sighed happily, pausing to listen to the sounds slipping past the woman's lips. "I love those noises you make."

"Emma, shut up and fuck me!"

"What did you say?"

"EMMA!" Regina screamed. "Stop screwing around!"

"What, baby? I don't think I heard you. Maybe you should ask a little nicer."

When Emma slid her tongue over the woman's clit once again, then abruptly pulled away, her lover's moans grew louder.

" _Please_ , Emma... Please, let me come."

Satisfied with this, the green-eyed beauty moved her tongue along Regina's slit, then pushed it inside the hot, aching center.

"Em... Em, baby... Oh, God, that feels  _so_  good." A few minutes, it was all she could take, and as her walls contracted, she cried out desperately, "I'm gonna come!"

"Should I stop?" the blonde teased, digging her nails into Regina's bare thighs.

"NO! Emma,  _please!_ Please, don't stop!"

Almost as soon as the girl resumed the movements with her tongue, Regina came with a scream that made Emma's stomach flip.

"Oh, holy shit," the woman breathed. "Baby..."

"How was that?"

Red in the face, Regina nodded her head vigorously and pulled her lover up until their bodies were pressed together.

"My turn to play," she said, once she'd caught her breath.

Rolling their bodies until Emma was beneath her, the brunette pushed her knee between the girl's legs, creating friction that sent the blonde's head spinning and stole the breath from her lungs. When she felt the pool of wetness on her thigh, Regina smiled and pressed herself closer, earning a soft moan from her lover's lips.

"I love when you're wet for me."

"How could I not be?" Emma breathed. "All I have to do is  _think_ about you, and I'm soaked. Seeing you naked... that just pushed me over the edge. Then when you touch me? It's all over."

"Yeah?"

"Uh-huh."

"Good."

Moving back to create space between them, Regina carefully slid her fingers into Emma's core and shut her eyes as the sound of her lover's moans filled her ears.

"Love that sound."

"I love you."

"I love you too, baby." It didn't take long for Emma to reach the verge of climax, and as soon as she felt it coming, Regina whispered, "That's it, baby. Come for me," which was enough to send the girl into an intense, crashing orgasm, throughout which she moaned her lover's name. "Yeah, babe. That's it."

When the waves finally stopped, the brunette placed a few wet, careful kisses up and down Emma's neck.

"Feeling you clench around me is so fucking hot."

Exhausted from the euphoria, Emma's eyes fell shut as she pulled the woman tighter against her.

"I love you."

"I love you too. Are you okay?"

"I'm  _great_. Talk about stress relief."

When the blonde laughed softly, her lover rested her head on the girl's chest, feeling it right and fall with each breath.

After falling asleep like that, they woke in the same position to the sound of Regina's phone ringing. Reluctantly pulling away, she answered the call.

"Doctor Mills speaking." Pause. "Yes, of course. I'll be right there."

As soon as she hung up, Emma asked, "What's going on?"

"One of my clients just got admitted to the psychiatric ward at the hospital for threatening suicide. That was his mother calling."

"Alright. Get in the shower. I'll get your clothes together."

* * *

"Babe?" Emma asked anxiously, as soon as her lover walked through the door of the apartment. "Are you okay?"

Immediately, Regina made her way over to the couch and sunk down on it, dropping her head into her hands.

"That was horrifying."

"Is he okay?"

"He's in a really bad place, but he was so happy to see me... He said he was... He said he was scared that I'd be disappointed in him. It took everything in me not to cry. When I asked why he didn't call me, he said he didn't want to bother me or be a burden. I thought I was going to faint it hurt so bad, hearing that."

"But you said he was happy to see you. You made it more bearable for him."

"Oh, I don't know about that. Inpatient treatment is... pretty horrible..."

"Regina?"

"What?"

"Have you been in inpatient before?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I drank until I almost died of alcohol poisoning."

"Gina..."

"What?"

"Will you tell me what happened?"

"What do you mean? My mom called 911, they pumped my stomach, then they put me on suicide watch. When I tried to get up and leave, they moved me to the psych ward, knowing I was a danger to myself. I was there for two weeks."

"But..."

"Don't, Emma. Don't ask me."

Looking hurt and betrayed, Emma lifted her eyes to meet her lover's and stared into them.

"Your history... What happened to you... It's in the past, just like you said. It's not going to come back if you share it with me."

"It doesn't matter, Emma. It's not important."

"But my past is?"

"That's not the same."

"Why? Because you're a therapist, and I was your patient? Because you're older than me? Because... Because  _why,_ Regina? What reason could you possibly have for the double standard you're holding me to?"

With a sigh, the brunette pushed a hand through her hair and leaned back against the couch.

After a pause, she replied, "You already know the short version. That's all that matters. I was raped. I went into a downward spiral. I was a mess. Then I got therapy and moved past it."

"Who raped you?"

"I..." At first, it seemed like Regina would refuse to answer, but she continued, "It was a friend I ended up going to college with. Actually, he was my only friend. We'd known each other forever. I thought he was my friend, anyway. I trusted him with everything. He tried to make a move on me at a party one night, when he was really drunk, and... I told him no, so... He got angry. I lost my virginity and my only friend that night."

"Shit... Regina, I'm sorry..."

"You know that's not what I need to hear."

"I am, though. You didn't deserve that. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to be betrayed by someone you trusted like that."

"I never told the police. Luckily, he stayed away from me after that. He was in my classes, but... I stopped going, so... It didn't really matter."

"Wait, what? I thought you graduated at the top of your class?"

"I did. After a year off."

"Oh. Wow... You went back after all that... That's so brave of you. I don't know what the fuck I would have done. I mean... I guess I do. I would've high-tailed it out of there and never looked back. Forget school."

"Yeah, well. That's not going to happen to you. You're going to college, and you're going to graduate. I don't care what degree you get, but you are going to school."

"Hey! Hold up a fucking second. You don't get to decide that for me."

"You can't let your depression and anxiety get in the way of your education! Emma, I'm not going to let you allow this opportunity to pass you by. You  _would_ regret it. I promise you that."

"I don't care. It's up to me."

"Emma, you can't-"

"No. This is my life. I choose to spend it with you, but whatever other choices I make... they're mine and mine alone."

"Please, Emma. Just go to school. You're too smart to give up now, when you're doing so well."

"I'd fail, anyway, without Belle around."

"Have you considered that maybe  _I_ could help you?"

Blinking a few times, Emma shook her head, answering honestly, "No. Not really. I don't want to burden you. You have enough work as it is. You don't need to be doing my homework on top of that."

"I would do anything to keep you in school."

"That's ridiculous. Why does school mean so much to you?"

"Because I believe in education, and I believe in your intelligence. You're too smart to let go of this."

"I'll think about it, but I want you to drop it now."

"Fine. Just-"

"No. Let it go." After a long bout of silence, Emma added, "I love you. If I could take away what happened to you, I would."

"I wouldn't. It's made me who I am today."

"But-"

"I'm stronger because of it. It hurts. I'm scarred, and changed forever. But I'm a better me."

"You're so brave, Regina. So strong. I don't know how you do it. I feel so... so  _weak._ Like I can't take this. Like I'm going to let everybody down. I don't want to make commitments I can't keep."

"Like going to college?"

"Yes."

"And moving in with me?"

"Yes..."

"And..."

"Regina..."

"And marrying me."

"Gina, stop."

"You can't run from everything, Emma. You have to face things eventually. If I believed that you were avoiding it because it wasn't what you wanted, I'd let it go. But I just... I feel like you're avoiding it just because you're scared."

"Of course I'm fucking scared! You're all I care about!"

"That's not true, Emma. You care about Belle."

"Fine. Whatever. That's not the point. I can't lose you, and if... If I don't break promises, you'll have fewer reasons to leave me."

"You think you couldn't follow through with your vows?"

"I think I'd fuck up somehow, some way, and you'd leave, and then I'd have lost everything."

"You don't want that tie to me?"

"What do you mean?"

"That's what marriage is, Emma. It's a tie. A commitment to love each other  _no matter what._ We'd be  _more_ likely to stay together, not less."

"Look, I... I can't talk about this."

"You think I'd be making a mistake by marrying you, and that I'd want to get out and not be able to leave."

"Well... I... I mean..."

"Well?"

"Yes."

"And you think that if you don't marry me, I'll be able to leave you whenever."

"Yeah."

"You don't get it, then."

"Get what?"

"You have my entire heart, Emma Swan. Already. There's no taking it back now, married or not. I'm bound to you."


	50. Commitment

"I can't do this," Emma sobbed, looking at herself in the mirror.

Her red cap and gown stared back at her, making her cheeks a similar color.

"Emma," Regina sighed. "This is what you've been reaching for forever. You want this to be over."

"But I don't want her to leave!" the girl cried, slamming her fists against the wall. "This is bullshit. Why does it have to be like this?"

"Oh, baby girl... She's gonna come back and visit. She's not gonna be gone forever. She's always going to be your best friend."

"No, she won't! She's going to go to college and find new friends and completely forget about me!"

"She's not going to forget about you, even when she makes new friends."

"How do you know?"

"Because you're unforgettable, Emma Swan."

Turning so that she was facing her lover, the blonde backed herself against the wall and shut her eyes.

"I'm not ready to do this. I'm not ready for college in the fall."

"Honey, you're gonna do great. You're smart, and you're determined. Don't panic, okay? I know this is scary, and that today symbolizes the end of a huge chapter in your life, but there's so much more to come, and you have so much more to give the world. This isn't the end of your life by any means."

"I'm going to fail! I'm going to fail all my classes without Belle, and I'll have to drop out and-"

"I'm not going to let you fail. I'll be right here to help you, sweetie. You're not going to be alone. And there will be tutors at school and plenty of people to help. Most professors are happy to give students a hand when they're struggling. You're a hard worker, and if you don't give up on this, you'll do fine."

"What if I get through it and I end up being a terrible therapist? What if-"

"Emma. Let's get through today, okay? Let's celebrate your huge accomplishment with your friend and spend the day looking forward to a new chapter in your life."

"I don't want to fucking celebrate my best friend leaving!"

"You're not celebrating her leaving. You're celebrating your achievements and the bright futures you're both walking into."

"GOD DAMMIT!" the girl screamed, crouching down close to the floor. "I need my best friend!"

"You'll see her, honey. She'll come home on holidays. She told you that. She promised you. She'll follow through. I know she will. She adores you, and she's going to miss you just as much." When Emma said nothing, Regina knelt down in front of her and lifted her chin until their eyes met, adding, "Your life is just beginning, and you won't have to do it without her. Or me. We're going to be here for you, no matter what the distance."

"I love you."

After sharing a sweet, slow kiss, Regina stood and helped her lover to her feet, saying, "I love you too. Now, let's go get your degree, baby."

* * *

 

"Belle!" Emma cried, throwing her arms around the girl as soon as they saw each other at the school.

"Hey, Em..."

The embrace that followed was weak and half-hearted, and when the blonde looked up to investigate the coldness, she found tears in her friend's eyes.

"Oh, come on. Don't fucking cry. You're gonna make me cry, and I've already been doing that all morning."

"What? Why?" Belle asked anxiously, reaching up to dry her own eyes. "Did something happen?"

"No, idiot! You're leaving me in a month and this symbolizes the end of everything we've-"

"No, it doesn't. It symbolizes how hard we've worked to get where we are."

"Well, why the fuck are you crying then?"

"Because, I... Okay, fine. Yeah. It does symbolize the end of something. But we have all summer, right?"

"Yeah... I guess so."

"Emma..."

"Keep your shit together, so I can keep my shit together!"

"I can't," Belle cried, squeezing the girl tightly in her arms. "Fucking  _Hell_ I'm gonna miss you. So. Fucking. Much."

"We're not saying goodbye yet," Emma sniffled. "This is just... This is just graduation, yeah? We're getting our diplomas and getting the fuck out. This is what we've always wanted, right?"

"Yeah, but... Now that we're not in school together, you're not gonna need me anymore."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? You think I kept you around because you helped me with homework?!"

"Well... I mean..."

"Belle! You're my best friend! I  _love you._ "

"I love you too, Em."

"Don't cry, okay? Seriously. My mascara's gonna run if I cry, and I already look like shit, so let's not make it any worse."

As Emma gently wiped her friend's fresh tears away, the girl said, "You look beautiful. Anyway... Regina must be very proud of you. I'm proud of you too."

"Yeah. Didn't think I'd ever graduate, at the rate I was going," the blonde laughed. "Thanks to you, I passed, and I'm getting the fuck out of here."

"You know, Em... Nothing's going to change between us after I leave, unless you want it to."

"You'll always be my best friend."

With a smile, Belle sat down on a bench in the hallway. With a half an hour left before the start of the graduation ceremony, they had time to kill.

After a few moments of silence where the brunette rested her head on her friend's shoulder, Emma softly asked, "Hey, Belle?"

"What's up, hun?"

"I think... I think I'm gonna move in with Regina."

To the girl's great surprise, Belle's face and eyes lit up as she lifted her head, and a smile spread across her lips.

"I knew you'd change your mind!"

"What?"

"She's the one, Em. She's gonna take care of you until death do you part. You're making the right choice. I know you're scared, but she's not gonna leave you."

"Yeah, but what if-"

"Emma. Don't run."

The girl wanted to object, to protest that she did not, in fact, run from anything, but she knew what Belle was thinking and decided to remain silent, knowing that her friend was right. She did run. From almost everything. But running from Regina was something she couldn't do. She was determined to tie herself securely to her lover, no matter how difficult or broken her ability to trust really was. Regina deserved that kind of commitment.


	51. Until Death Do Us Part

"I can't believe we've been living together for six months now," Regina said with a smile, sitting down beside her lover on the couch. "Seems like you moved in just yesterday."

"Really? To me, it feels like we've been together this way forever."

"Yeah? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Honestly?"

"Well... Yeah..." the brunette said slowly, her face suddenly showing signs of nervousness.

"It's a really, really good thing. I thought I was going to be scared. I mean, I am scared. I'll always be scared to lose you. But it feels so right with you. Coming home to you after class. Seeing you in the mornings before work. I just... I could never leave you now. You're home to me."

The doctor's smile returned as she leaned in and placed a kiss on her lover's cheek, saying, "I love you, Emma."

"Um... Regina..." Emma started, her voice cracking in the middle of her words.

"Yeah, babe?"

"I've... I've been thinking about some stuff."

"What's going on, baby? Are you okay?"

"Therapy has been going really well."

"Okay... That's great. I'm really proud of you, honey."

"No, I mean... I've changed."

"I know. I can tell. I see it in you every day. You're happier. At least... That's how it seems."

"I am. I'm much happier. But other things have changed too."

"Like what?"

"How I feel about things. Life. Us. What I want."

As the pit in Regina's stomach fell like an anvil, her facially expression dropped as well.

"Wait, Gina... No. It's not like that. I just meant..."

"No, I... It's..."

"I just told you how happy I am here. What are you nervous about?"

"It's just... The way you said that, I..."

"Regina Mills. I could never leave you. How I feel about you hasn't changed. How I feel about us as a couple has."

"I don't... I don't know what that means."

"It means... Regina... I want..."

When the woman just blinked back at her, Emma blushed and began to fumble through her pocket with a shaking, sweaty hand. As Regina stared at her in confusion, she finally reached what she was looking for and removed it from the pocket of her jeans. Awkwardly getting up off the couch and kneeling down on the floor in front of her lover, the blonde looked up to meet the woman's deep gaze.

"Em?"

Opening her hand to reveal a large diamond ring, the girl managed to stutter, "R-Regina... I want to marry you. Will you be my wife?"

"Oh, my God... Emma, I... Of course I will!"

Instantly, Regina fell into her lover's arms and crashed their lips together. When she finally pulled away and allowed Emma to slip the ring onto her finger, she began to cry.

"It's beautiful."

"As are you, my angel."

"Emma..."

"Yes, love?"

"What changed your mind?"

"A lot of things, but mostly being here with you. I can't imagine waking up without you anymore, and living with you just isn't enough. I want to make that commitment to you, forever and ever, and keep you always."

"Then you will have me always."

* * *

 

"I can't believe you're getting married!" Belle cried, embracing her closest friend.

Emma giggled back a quiet, "I can't believe you brought your girl!" at a volume that no one else could hear.

"Ruby's wonderful, Em. She's... I think she's the one."

"Belle! I'm so happy for you!"

When Emma went to lift her friend off the floor, the brunette quickly cried out, "Don't! You'll rip your dress!" and pulled away.

The two laughed and embraced once again.

"I love you so much, Belle."

"I love you too, Em. I'm so excited for your ceremony!"

"I'm nervous!"

"What? Why? It's gonna go great!"

"I'm gonna cry when I see her."

"I know," Belle laughed happily, resting her hand on her friend's shoulder. "But it's gonna be beautiful. And you look amazing."

"Thank you, Belle."

"Don't be scared, okay? It's gonna be perfect." When Emma went quiet, the young woman added, "Anything exciting planned for the honeymoon? Strap-ons? Nipple clamps? Whips?"

"BELLE!" the bride cried, shoving her friend backwards as her cheeks turned bright red. "Stop it!"

"I'm just playing. Seriously, though... Tonight is going to be the most perfect night of your life, and I am so, so happy for you."

"I'm scared. What if I bore her? What if it's not special at all and it's just like all the other sex we've had and I disappoint her?"

"Is all the other sex you've had exactly the same?"

"Well, no... But..."

"Babe, you are gonna feel so much love and fire tonight that it's gonna be explosive. I'm sure of it. And she loves you. She's not in it for the sex."

"But I want it to be good for her, you know? I want it to be perfect."

"It will be. You're gonna do great."

With a nod and a nervous smile, Emma embraced her friend again and squeezed her tightly.

* * *

 

"Oh, my God, Emma... Right there, honey."

"Gina," the blonde whimpered, pressing her body closer. "You feel so good."

The woman moaned her name as her walls contracted and released in a pulsing rhythm that shook her body hard and electrified every nerve. When her orgasm finally ended, she went limp in her lover's arms and sighed heavily, saying, "I've never come that hard before."

"Good," Emma whispered. "I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure that you come harder every time I make love to you."

"I love you, my bride. I'll never stop loving you."

"And I'll never leave your side. In sickness and in health."

"Until death do us part."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it, guys. A nice, sappy, cheesy ending for you all that wraps everything nicely in a bow. Hope you all enjoyed the ride.


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